Um, Where Can I Find the Real Laguna Beach?

If you ask people who live in Laguna Beach, they'll tell you the real Laguna Beach isn't found on MTV.

"We are a community that has stood for solid, meaningful principles, art, culture, the environment, quality of life, education," says one Lagunite.

And if by "meaningful principles" and" education" you mean getting drunk in hot tubs, and like, you know, like answering every question with like a question (ex: So what's up with you & Ste-phen? I don't know. Like, what's up with Jason & LC?, they are so random), then the MTV version of Laguna Beach nailed it.

According to this article in the LA Times, MTV's Laguna Beach was originally touted as a program that would "focus on getting into college, working, family life and activities such as surfing or music lessons." Wait, the residents don't think the show delivers on its original promises? I disagree. Let's take a look:

(1) College - Just last week Kristin and Alex H. were lying in bed discussing their fears and concerns about their first year of college. It went something like this:

Alex: What if we gain the Freshman 15?
Kristin: I won't. But you will.
Alex: Shut up!

(2) Working - The Laguna Bitches are always working...on their tans. These girls can't afford to be pasty if they are trying to cash in on their 15 minutes of fame.

(3) Family Life - Just because the parents of the Laguna Bitches aren't on camera often, it doesn't mean they don't have a major, positive influence in their children's lives. Did anyone catch the graduation episode? Taylor's mom was clearly encouraging her daughter... to wear super sexy heels so her graduation gown didn't look so blah.

(4)Activities, such as surfing and music lessons - Now, hold up. You mean to tell me that you didn't pick up some mad surfing skillz from Stephen and Jason over this past year? And what about Jeff? Did you see him at the surf water park? Hell, I'm ready to surf now...if only the East Coast had those kickass waves. And music lessons, oh I got me some music lessons on LB. Just last week Talan was gracious enough to show me, and the 3.1 M Laguna Beach viewers, what god awful music can be. That was a lesson that my eyes and ears may never forget. Thanks Talan.

To the crochety old residents of the real Laguna Beach...get over it. Your lovely town is, and will always be, the MTV version. I just can't believe you haven't given Kristin Cavalleri, Stephen Colletti, and Lauren Conrad keys to the city yet. What are you people waiting for.