2006 Teen Choice Awards are Painful – Kevin Federline is More of a Joke than EVER!
August 20, 2006 by Kath Skerry
For the record I am only watching The Teen Choice Awards because I can’t possibly miss the train wreck that will be Kevin Federline‘s first public performance. And I’m not techincally watching as much as skimming. But since the awards will be handed out to some of our favorite TV shows, I will keep a few running updates of the highlight, and the painful moments that will be forthcoming. Keep refreshing for updates!!!
– Dane Cook and Jessica Simpson hosting. Yeah, already a big mistake. Dane is making inappropriate jokes considering most in attendance are under the age of 16 (which is great news for Wilmer Valderamma). Jessica SUCKS at hosting. She looks uncomfortable and can’t deliver a line without the teleprompter.
– First spotting of Wentworth Miller. He’s not going to show unless he’s giving away or receiving an award, so at least that’s something to look forward to.
– Jamie Pressley (My Name is Earl) and Chad Michael Murray (One Tree Hill) are the first presenters. Ew, this sight of that scumbag just makes my skin crawl. And everytime I see him, I love Sophia Bush more and more. Team Sophia!!
– YAY!! My So You Think You Can Dance kids are in the house!! BF Travis, Cousin Heidi and Benji at least!!
– Ha ha ha…yeah these shows are INCREDIBLE. Wilmer V. just one for Choice TV Actor. Bwah..ha ha
– First K-Fed sighting of the night. And yes, he just said “yo, yo, yo”. Federline is hanging back stage with a bunch of 12 year olds…a few of which are probably his illegitimate children.
– Micha Barton is wearing a clown costume, or so it seems. And Dane Cook mocked her by giving her a sandwich – that’s actually pretty funny.
– I can’t believe I’m going to say this because I’m really a fan, but Adam Sandler’s schtick is getting a little old. And Jim Carrey is still in the running for favorite comedian? Has he done a movie since “Liar, Liar”? I can’t remember.
– Wentworth Miller and Amaury Nolasco just gave out a word. The boys are just too easy on the eyes. It’s almost not fair. Oh and for the record, I’m NOT enjoying this show. I’m doing it for YOU!!! Do you understand me?! Hell, I’m already on my 2nd Jack and Coke and the show is just underway. It’s going to be a long night.
– The people behind the Teen Choice Awards are SO out of touch that they think touting an appearance by Britney Spears is still something exciting. Well, I guess technically it is, but not for the reasons they think. I wonder if she showered before showing up?
– Nick Lachey just won for Choice Long Song for “What’s Left of Me”. So he starts off his speech saying: “Hmm..awkward?” Classic. I kind of liked that he acknowledged it a bit.
– This show is unbelievably over-sexed. I mean masturbation references, teenage girls in bikinis sitting in a hot tub on the stage. Are these the Maxim awards?
– Rianna is performing “Live” for the 2nd time this week (the first on the SYTYCD finale) and again she is lip synching, but it is SO bad. HORRIBLE!!! Britney Spears is backstage. Riana and Brit Brit need to have a sit down on the proper way to lip synch.
– Ok watching this horrible show just became worthwhile. Why? Beacuse I just saw the promo for the new season of The OC, and you haven’t really lived until you see Ryan Atwood cage fighting. Mwah…big kisses go out to OC creator Josh Schwartz for bringing The OC back to its glory. This show is going to go out in classic style. And, no….I’m not kidding. I can’t wait for the The OC to return.
– That kid with autism that hit all those baskets for his HS basketball team just won a special award. Damn, I cry every time I see that clip. Then they surprise him with having his old teammates there. And now Jamie Pressley & Jesse McCartney are crying too…aw.
– We are seeing a lot of stars of The CW tonight. I wonder why Jason Dohring (Logan Echolls of Veronica Mars) doesn’t get the love at these kind of events!? He’s probably one of the most popular teen hearthrobs on the all-new CW. Just a little randomness from me. Oh, and I had to write something while the nausea of watching Brooke Hogan accepting an award for Best Grill (yes for her mouth bling..I kid you not) passes. These people should be ashamed. Thank God the Sox/Yanks are on rain delay or I might have to shoot myself for actually watching this garbage. OMG she WILL NOT SHUT UP. GET HER OFF THE STAGE!!
– Kristin Cavallari is doing a good job of extending her 15 minutes of fame. She seems very comfortable on stage, but I’m always a bit disappointed when she’s in public and doesn’t use the opportunity to say “Ste-phen”. Just once? Come on. Quick question…I seem to be the only person who hasn’t seen High School Musical. Am I missing out? Is it really that good?
– Kristin Bell is on stage. I have such a girl crush. And she’s presenting with Tom Welling, who I’m so happy to say is looking good again after his brief stint as a mountain man this summer (see pic). You know, I have to say that I am impressed that Johnny Depp took the time to accept his award. I’m not even joking…he’s probably the biggest star in the country, and I think it was nice. Now if the damn teen girls would just shut up and let him talk.
– Is this the first time that one of the Olsen twins has appeared in public without the other? Ashley, you are looking good girl. I’ll let you in on a little secret, Ash. You were always my favorite. Mary Kate couldn’t hold a candle to your “You got it dude” when you were 3 years old.
– We are minutes away from seeing Kevin Federline perform live for the first time. In case this is armeggedon, I just want to thank you all for visiting GiveMeMyRemote.com. It’s been a wile ride, and it’s been great knowing you. To Mom and Dad GMMR – you’ve been great parents, never forget it. And if this world spontaneously combusts due to K-Fed’s suckitude, let me take this moment to tell JK that “I love you and I’ll never forget you or the special times we’ve shared.” Peace out.
– Aw shit, Britney is on stage and chewing gum. This chick is classy if nothing else. Someone brushed her extensions. Oh god she is introducing Federline. Dear God, I’m scared.
– Here we go…K-Fed is having little kids lip synch his song while he’s faking to play the piano. Ha ha ha ha ha. This is so funny, it’s sad. This is SO BAD!! I mean, REALLY BAD!! HORRENDOUS. This guy should stick to knocking up chicks with money. He is sucking so hard. But the good news, is that the we are still living. Jokes on us. I’m still laughing, but relieved at the same time. I was secretly afraid that the the song might have a good hook or something and I was going to like it. You know…like the Paris Hilton curse. But no worries about that. There was NOTHING even remotely entertaining about that.
-Ok the show is DONE (THANK YOU GOD). I’m going to cleanse my pallete by watching quality television…yes, I’m talking to you Entourage and Grey’s Anatomy. GMMR over and out!
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Haha omg ur cracking me up!
Is it just me or is everything Dane Cook says coming out as a complete mockery of the event? Either way the innapropriateness of him hosting is cracking me up!
I agree. It’s so bizarre!! I just posted a comment about this, but aren’t the sexual references a bit out of control for this audience?
You are so dedicated to be live blogging these awards. 😉 I really only was waiting for Wentworth & Amaury’s appearance, but now it’s really getting ridiculous. I usually like Dane Cook, but he doesn’t seem to have been the best choice for host of these awards (and neither was Jessica Simpson)….
There are no words to express how disturbing it is that there is a category called “Choice Grills”. No words.
If Brooke Hogan wasn’ta joke before, she certaintly is now.
Yeah, a lot of these categories are pretty absurd…
I wonder if Jen Aniston and Vince Vaughn are actually there or if they’ll have one of those taped appearances?
This show is nuts. Loved how all these ex’s are there.. Nick/Jessica…. CMM/Sophia Bush… Wilmer V and half the room… awkward!!!
I agree that it’s nice that some big name actors do make time to go to the show – just tonight there was Reese Witherspoon, Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, Sandra Bullock & Keanu Reeves… even though Jen & Vince were on tape at least they bothered to send in a message…
I love that he interuppted Jessica to remind her to thank God…everytime a celebrity thanks God and their mom I loose it. The cliche that keeps on going.
I think the jokes is that we actually bothered to watch k-fed! his performance was so bad, i almost feel bad for him. but not really.
Ugh. KFed is dumber and sucker than I ever could imagine.
My ears are bleeding. Seriously that performance was so bad. The dude can’t even dance right. Thank goodness the rumor of Jailbait Ivan having to dance for him didn’t come true.
Your recap is absolutely hysterical, but so spot on!! I couldn’t agree with you more.
All I have to say about “K-Fed’s” performance-is well, a good slap in the face to anyone in the music industry. How insulting to the real talent on the airwaves!!!!!! And to top is all off, Britney intro’ed him, and her dress was GROSS!!!! No pregnant woman should NEVER dress like that, but nevermind, its herrr…Also, it thundered during the awards, right before Kevin Federline’s performance-I thought it was a sign for things to come. Gawd, that was awful. And “Choice Grill” award?!?!?!?!? They couldn’t think of anything better? I love the recap-but I will never get the last two hours of my life back. 🙁
High School Musical is so bad, it’s good. That’s really all I can say. The songs are so catchy, it’s embarassing when you find yourself still singing some of them later….
Thank you for blogging on these awards. I didn’t watch them (thank God), but you took one for the team, and that makes you great! Oh, and your recap is hilarious! I can’t imagine the torture you must have undergone. Gad.
I, too, haven’t seen High School Musical, but then again i haven’t heard much about it either.
The ONLY way i would have watched these awards is if there was anything Office-related on it…or if AFI was performing, but the Teen Choice Awards would NEVER do that, ha ha.
[…] Check out my play-by-play of last night’s Teen Choice Awards. […]
Oh my gosh…I feel so much better! My husband and I watched it last night and we kept stealing awkward glances at each other like ‘Uh, we are way too old to be watching this…’ but we just HAD to see K-Fed in all his suckage.
Anyway, thanks for not leaving us out there alone GMMR! I feel so much better knowing that you braved the feat along with us.
First of all, Nick – gotta love him. I mean I’ll admit that when him and Jessica Simpson were both up for ‘Choice Hottie’, I was a little nervous for him.
Second of all, maybe it’s just b/c I am out of the targeted age-bracket of the show, but wasn’t it a little raunchy for the teens? I mean Nelly Furtado singing ‘Promiscuous Girl’ and grinding along was enough for me to gasp aloud.
Finally, K-Fed…really? I mean, really? I wanted to slap the gum out of Britney’s mouth…and then his raspy faux rapping. My jaw actually dropped in awe of how terrible it all was.
Ok, obviously I’m rambling.
I just had to get my Monday morning GMMR fix.
Wow. I am NOT going to watch that. Hopefully there won’t be any reruns.
No offense, but I find High School Musical annoying. They sound like a bunch of chipmunks. As does Rihanna.
Alvin, Simon, and Theodore have reproduced everyone.
that performance made me want to throw myself out of a window… i couldnt watch much of that show… what a train wreck… but was my boyfriend jason dohring there? anyone know?
My brother actually watched this last night. He’s about six years older than me. That’s really the only thing I can think of that’s sadder than the Teen Choice Awards themselves.