Alias Recap: No Hard Feelings

Sorry I’m so late in posting the Alias recap from last night.  Julie was kind enough to send it along this morning, but since I’m still traveling on business, I didn’t get the chance to post it until now.

That being said, Julie did say she was a little tired while doing the recap and asked me to check it out before posting.  Problem is, I haven’t seen the episode, so I can’t read Julie’s recap until later tonight.  So here it is…I’m sure it’s fantastic (as all of Julie’s recaps always are), but if there are some typos or something, I know you will forgive us 🙂

Alias 5/17 – “No Hard Feelings”

Note from Julie, probably meant for me, but it was so damn funny I had to include it: “…By the way, as to this episode’s title? I can’t really hear the phrase “no hard feelings” anymore without immediately following it up in my head with “naw, she gave me a few”. Damn you, Dick Casablancas, and your mad quotability!”

Jack convinces the rest of the APO’ers not to let anyone know Syd has infiltrated Prophet Five as Anna. They call Vaughn and arrange to get the info from the bunker transferred to APO. Marshall tells Vaughn he cried at Vaughn’s funeral. “I need a good cry now and again.”

Meanwhile, Syd-as-Anna-as-Syd (confused yet?) and Peyton talk in the limo. When Syd mentions the importance of the half-chip she retrieved, Peyton says it’s irrelevant–a nuisance–and drops it into a glass of celebratory champagne. Too bad for the APO’ers, who were using a tracking device on the chip to follow Syd. When they lose her, Vaughn is unhappy. He hops in his car, has Marshall clear him a way, and follows Syd to the airport to give her a cellphone.

Sloane reports that the translation of Page 47 is done, and the circle will be complete “when the chosen one finds the rose in San Cielo”. Cryptic to viewers, maybe, but Sloane seems to know how to proceed. He is concerned that Anna-as-Syd might not be able to fill in as the chosen one. Yeah…not sure even Rambaldi could have predicted and written of a plot this convoluted. Syd arrives and tells Sloane Syd’s dead. He doesn’t exactly burst into tears.

Sloane tells Syd she needs to retrieve an artifact from a monastery at San Cielo, near Rome. Syd’s remarkably snarky when she’s pretending to be Anna. It’s sort of disarming and enjoyable–for viewers anyway, Sloane doesn’t seem to be digging it.

Marshall interrupts a conversation with Rachel and Tom. He pulls away Rachel and tells her that the guy who killed Tom’s wife is coming to LA. Rachel, doe-eyed sweetheart that she is, is convinced that Tom can’t be evil and gets Marshall to give her 24 hours to convince him the same. Whatever, Bambi. Like we care about your storyline.

Syd calls Jack, who’s at Syd’s apartment playing with Jack. When Isabelle giggles, because apparently Jack is funny, Syd’s sad she missed one of her daughter’s “firsts”. No matter – she’s got a mission.

Dixon greets Vaughn in the bunker with “you’re shorter than I remember”. I think that’s dude code for “I missed you”. Then Vaughn FINALLY gives an explanation for how his death was faked and how Syd and Jack knew: Jack convinced him Prophet Five would stop at nothing to kill Vaughn, and that he was in no condition to fight back. So they gave him sodium morphate to fake his death and secreted him away to Nepal.

On the plane to Rome, Sloane asks Syd how “Anna” killed Syd. Syd’s fairly malicious in her description of shooting her in the back, saying the chosen one “died as easy as anyone”. Sloane doesn’t look too upset, but he then tells Peyton that once they’re finished with Anna, he wants to be the one who kills her. Hah! Get in line, Sloane.

Rome! I love Rome! Syd’s dressed up nice and girly, about to go meet her contact, when she spots Vaughn at a newsstand. He surreptitiously tells her a) that she smells good and b) they couldn’t find any San Cielo nearby. She goes into a bar, where she meets her contact. Sark! Of course, “Anna” wouldn’t be excited to see him, since he betrayed her the last time they were together, so Syd gets in a couple good swings at him. “Dispiace, gente. Questo e tutto per ora — vi faccio sapere si lo picchio di nuovo.” They calm down and play nice.

Tom meets with Allen, the dude who killed his wife. Bambi watches from a car far away. When the dude leaves, Bambi confronts Tom, asking why he couldn’t trust her. He explains he’s searching for the guy who ordered his wife killed, codenamed The Cardinal. The contact will tell him who it is, but he wants his car back first.  Bambi’s upset, but she still agrees to help Tom. Bambi, why don’t you help me by doing something interesting?

Syd and Sark get their drink on. He explains that what Rambaldi knew as “San Cielo” is 500 years later known as a nearby maximum security prison. D’oh! They think Rambaldi hid “the rose” somewhere there, and only the chosen one can retrieve it. He then calls the police, sets off a bomb in the bar, and attempts to rob it. “Non abbiamo bisogno di heroe.” I am loving this opportunity to practice my very rusty Italian! I’m also loving Sark’s very simple plan to get thrown in Italian prison.

Marshall leads Dixon and Vaughn through their break-in to the prison. It’s like the opposite of Prison Break! They should totally make this a new show now that Alias is ending. I can see it now: Michael Vartan stars in Prison Break-in! Just as emo as Wentworth, but with gadgetry instead of low-latent inhibition!

Sark’s getting chummy with his cellmate, who is propositioning him under the guise of being helpful. Rather than spending some time wondering how ‘Fisty Mc Rapesalot’ translates into Italian, Sark takes some kind of capsule and begins coughing and seizing. In the infirmary, he overtakes the guards, hacks into the prison surveillance footage, and locks the APO’ers out. He hacks into the security system to release Syd from solitary, but is subdued by guards. Syd heads down to a dark, damp basement areawhere she runs into an elderly man who tells her “I have been waiting for you for a very long time.” Anyone else getting a definite Rambaldi vibe?

He tells her he knows her and she should come with him. Syd’s dubious, but he repeats to her “the circle will be complete when the chosen one finds the rose.” He shows her his arm, which has a flower tattoo, and shays “I am the rose. Now if you will come with me…” Syd follows.

Sloane goes to the prison attempting to “extradict” Sark and Syd. He has the prison head call the “general prosecutor”, aka Peyton, for permission to release them. Two things are wrong with this: 1) Peyton’s lipstick, which is way too bright and 2) they’re saying “signore” but it should be “signora”.

Trying to get Allen’s car started, Tom emotes to Bambi all his coulda woulda shoulda’s about how he wished he’d saved his wife. The music in the scene is trying to get me to care, but it just ain’t happening. They get the car started and high-tail it outta there.

Back in the basement, Syd comes upon an enlargement of the drawing of her face from Page 47. The Enigmatic Old Dude then removes a stone from the wall and hands her an object – some kind of amulet, which he describes as “his greatest gift and also his greatest curse…defiance of the natural order. The end of nature itself.” Does she have to be a champion to wear it, though, is what we’re all wondering? Well, not Syd – she’s still wondering exactly what it is, so she can keep it away from the bad people who want it. EOD tells her she can’t stop them, and tries to convince her that fate has taken over and it’s just a matter of time “until the stars fall from the sky, until the end of night.”

Clown-lipped Peyton goes in to pick up Sark. Sloane goes to meet Syd, who tells him she didn’t retrieve the rose. Convinced she’s lying, he tasers her (ack! unpleasant Cassidy flashbacks!) and digs in her pockets to retrieve the amulet. He then tells her that though Anna didn’t have the courage to look Sydney in the face when she killed her, he will look Anna in the eye. Vaughn, seeing it on the surveillance feed, rushes to Syd’s aid. An alarm sounds and Sloane escapes with the amulet, but Vaughn manages to break Syd out.

Tom gives his contact what he wants. His contact, who I’ve decided is really a Debbie Downer, tells him that it was all just a mistake. He meant to kill Tom, and thought Tom and his wife would be together, but he was wrong. He pulls a gun on Tom before driving away. I think Tom is in the Fox Mulder school of ‘Trust No One’ because he extremely blows up Debbie’s car as it’s driving away. Bye, Debbie! We won’t miss ya!

Awww…Vaughn and Syd lie on the bed with sleeping Isabelle, a mellow, happy family. Well, as happy and mellow as a family can get when they have the fate of the world in their hands daily. They’re interrupted by Sloane calling Syd to tell her he knew it was her, not Anna, and that “thanks to you, I have everything I need.” We end the episode with Syd looking less than thrilled. From mommy to murderous in ten seconds flat!

Next week: It’s time to say goodbye to Sydney Bristow and her vast wig collection. Tune in Monday at 9 for the 2 hour finale. Me, I’m hoping they bring back Big Red, Syd’s first kick-ass wig.