Entourage Recap (Season Premiere: “Aquamom”)

Entourage is back, and god dammit did I miss this show!!! Vince, Eric, Turtle, Drama, Shauna, Ari and Lloyd were back tonight for the third season premiere of HBO’s Entourage. The only excuse for you to not watch this f’ing hysterical show is that you don’t have HBO. Screw that. One of your friends must have HBO, so get your ass over to his or her house every Sunday night and watch it. No excuses.

For those of you who are new to Entourage, let me sum it up for you. Vincent Chase (Adriene Grenier) is a hot, up and coming actor who moves to LA from New York and brings along his three best friends for the ride. Eric (Kevin Connelly) is Vincent’s best friend and manager..and usually Vince’s voice of reason. Turtle (Jerry Ferrrara) is Vince’s go to guy. Turtle’s not good for much other than hanging on Vince and banging his leftovers, but he keeps us amused. Johnny “Drama” Chase (Kevin Dillon) is Vince’s older half brother. A washed up, struggling actor, Drama fluctuates between the B list and the D list, all while trying to ride his baby brother’s coattails. With his best friends always at his side, Vince is ready to be the next big thing in Hollywood. To help get him there, Vince works with his egomanical yet desperate agent, Ari Gold (Jeremy Piven), Ari’s assistant Lloyd (Rex Lee), and Shauna (Debi Mazar) his bitchy but fabulous publicist.

I’m going to be recapping Entourage every Sunday night, so if you don’t have HBO, and you don’t have one friend that has it (which is complete BS), then you better be here reading the recaps, because all the cool kids will be talking about Entourage on Monday mornings, and I don’t want you to feel left out.

Here we go….

Last season on Entourage

Vince landed “Aquaman” with James Cameron at the helm. He almost gave it up after falling for, and getting dumped by co-star Mandy Moore. Ari lost his job, and decided to start out on his own…well, he’s got Lloyd, so that’s a start. Turtle dabbled in the musiz biz by signing an up and coming rapper. And Drama…well, Drama was being drama.

……………………………….

The boys have a few days before the big premiere of “Aquaman”. They’ve got some work to do, and that work involves finding smokin’ women to invite to the premiere. Most of these women they find walking around the streets of LA. My boys aren’t that picky. Although a woman with half a brain would deny Turtle on the spot since he’s sporting a “Welcome to New York Johnny” t-shirt….F-Damon and his money grubbing ways. Turtle and Drama have blown through the tickets fast, and after meeting two video-hos, they go to Ari to demand two more tickets. Ari gives them two of James Woods tickets. Jimmy is pissed and demands the tickets back from Turtle and Drama.

Ari tells Vince what a big deal this premiere is. It’s important that he bring the right woman on the red carpet. E agrees since Vince will probably be linked with this girl in the press for a long time. Vince tells them he knows exactly who the perfect woman is….his Mom. One problem, Mama Chase (Mercedes Ruehl) isn’t big on traveling. After Vince ambushes her liveon the radio, she agress to fly out to LA.

Vince goes on a mad shopping spree to find his mother the right dress and the right jewels. The chick at the jewelry store gives Vince her number, and later he decides to ask her out. Um, Vince, have you not seen The OC.…this is Haley Nichol. That girl is trouble. Don’t say I didn’t warn ya.

While picking out baubles, Eric gets a call from Vince’s mom saying that she isn’t going to come after all. She can’t get on the plane. Vince is bummed.

On a mission to cheer Vince up, E and Turtle hatch a plan to get Vince’s mother to LA. As it turns out, the plan involved flying all the moms out to LA from New York. So much for the ass the guys were hoping to get at the premiere…the boys take their moms along as dates. All together now…Awwww.

Oh yeah, Ari is broke and is bouncing checks all over Hollywood. He taps his wife, but not in the good way…she’s hesitant to give him more money but despiter her better judgement. Ari’s whole world is dependent on “Aquaman” opening big and Vince becoming a huge star.

What we learned from Entourage this week….

Top tall: This is when someone’s torso is too long and their legs are too short.

Quotes of the week:

Ari’s Wife: “…my father put that money aside for me in case something happened to us, and it’s almost gone.”

Ari: ” But we’re still here, and I could’ve banged Heidi Klum when she was 23 but I took a pass okay? What the f*ck is going to make me leave now?”

Turtle: “I got it! Jessica Biel. Take Jessica Biel, Vince.”

Vince: “I don’t know Jessica Biel, Turtle.”

Turtle: “So get to know her. Get to bang her. We’ll get to know her so I can bang her.”