Rescue Me Recap (Satisfaction)

Title: “Satisfaction”
Original airdate: July 18, 2006

The station. The porn police are scouring the firehouse for contraband, and Chief rails on them for doing useless work. He gives a speech about how the crew is all heroes and defends their right to do whatever they want in the firehouse as long as they save lives. When the porn police leave, finding no porn, Chief discovers the crew’s stash…in the truck.

Colleen and Tommy at the counselor’s office. Tommy explains how he’s already covered the behavioral issues with Colleen, who then dismisses the counselor’s attempt to help process her grief. After Colleen storms out, Tommy asks the counselor what could be behind “Colleen’s” crying jags. When the counselor suggests it might be survivor’s guilt, Tommy is intrigued.

The guys bring up how the $1850 from the smoking can is missing. They think it might’ve been stolen…maybe by those dastardly porn police.

As Franco and Tommy clear out furniture from a fire, Franco mentions how he dropped off some of Keela’s things at Alicia’s, and it seems nice for her there. He also notes how someone saw the chief working at a bar. Though initially Tommy doesn’t want to go by the bar, worried he might embarrass the chief, he changes his mind when the chief yells at them for slacking off.

Guess who’s paying a visit to the firehouse? It’s a tall, bloodthirsty blonde, and she’s there to see Sean. Maggie shows up to apologize and tells him she wants to be his boyfriend. While Sean agrees to give things another try, he realizes it’s because she thought his zombie-violence was hot and he might have to keep beating people up to keep his relationship alive. Eh, who hasn’t done that?

Angela calls Tommy and arranges to meet him at a police banquet where they know they’ll run into Johnny and Janet. They both sort of admit they like each other outside the whole secret evil revenge plot.

At a club, Probie flirts with a girl as his jealous roommate looks on from afar. When the roommate asks him about the girl, Probie turns the tables, asking about the leopard bikini underwear he found under the bed. Roomie gets upset and tells Probie if he’s going to be suspicious, he shouldn’t bother coming home. So, of course, Probie goes home with the girl, who’s more than happy to help him get his heterosexual groove back. (Probie: always wookin’ pa nub in all da wong paces.)

Franco and Tommy show up at the bar in time to see Chief get berated by the bartender. When they commiserate with him about his need for the job, the Chief points out how he hasn’t been paid yet and is going to quit once he gets what he’s owed. The bar owner, Birdy, comes by and, after Chief asks about money briefly, fires the Chief outright. Franco and Tommy are pissed and want to throw down…but they’ve got a better idea involving Birdy’s car and some kind of construction equipment.

Chief’s back pay? $400.
Calling in a favor with your construction buddies? One return favor.
Seeing your asshole boss’s car hanging from a crane? Priceless.

As the men continue to ponder the whereabouts of the $1850, Sean limps in, suffering from the numerous fights he got in the previous night in an attempt to please Maggie. The crew offers some very helpful suggestions for how to avoid getting hurt in future fights (choose a one-legged midget as a rival).

At the lockup, Teddy’s bride-to-be visits to tell him about an arrangement she’s devised to send him dirty cellphone self-portraits. She later comes through on her promise, even as the guard warns Teddy that his woman only wants him while he’s in the big house…which he might not be for long, if the MADD women have any say.

As Tommy and Angela head to the dinner, Sheila spies on them as they drive off and Lou proves quite an inadequate babysitter for Colleen and Katie. I’m not particularly surprised about either one of these developments. As the fake couple saunters into the banquet, they catch Janet and Johnny’s attention, leading Johnny to confront Tommy in the bathroom. Johnny’s all verbal daggers, and Tommy, ever the paragon of maturity, pees on Johnny’s leg.

Angie, on the other hand, doesn’t far quite so well with Janet. After brief bitchy banter, Janet admits that though she never liked Angela, she respected her for having the strength to break away from the family and move away. Angie recovers enough to throw a final insult, but it’s clear Janet hit a nerve.

After the dinner, in Tommy’s truck, Angie’s upset. She’s disappointed herself by stooping this low. Tommy tries to console her by telling her a story about a striking memory he has of her that took his breath away. They end up smooching, despite their mutual assertion that what they’re doing is incredibly stupid.

Back at Chez Gavin, the smooching graduates into full carnal knowledge. At first Angela’s impressed by Tommy’s stamina, but the whole “codeword: endurance” thing wears off pretty quickly and she’s ready to head home.

Out walking, Maggie tries to get Sean to start a fight with a guy twice his size. Sean, in his infinite wisdom, tries to substitute a less-burly biker, but he chose poorly-the biker’s packing mace. The next day, a nearly-blinded Sean stumbles into the firehouse kitchen performing “a Ray Charles tribute.” The crew’s fairly uninterested in his optical woes, having just found out that Chief Perolli donated their $1850 to the America Lung Cancer Society. I’m not pro-cancer in any way, but I have the strong feeling that if Chief Perolli were an ice cream, he’d be Pralines and Dick.

Tommy arrives home to find Sheila cooking his favorite meal in bizarro domestic Pleasantville-eque fashion. Sheila asks what’s up with him and Angela, but he insists he just ran into Angela by chance. I’m sure Sheila believes him, since she is so decent and trusting. So very decent and trusting that she drugs his drink with a combination of sedatives and Viagra, then drags his unconscious body to the couch where she proceeds to have sex with him. Class with a capital K.

After having a brief, cathartic cry about how much she misses Jimmy, Sheila realizes she’d better cover her tracks. So, being the decent, lovely woman that she is, she dumps some booze on Tommy and trashes the apartment. He wakes up the next morning thinking he’s gone on a bender he can’t remember. Bummer. As his cousin puts it before their next AA meeting, it’s no fun if you fall off the wagon and don’t even have the fond memories.

To which I say: THANKS, SHEILA.

Next week: Probie’s a big hero…but is he leaving the firehouse? There’s a new Lou…but can he handle yoga? And Tommy’s into Angela…but what do Janet and her skimpy underwear have to say about that?

Julie is a GMMR recapper extraordinaire, but she also has her own fabulous TV website. Head over to TV and Sympathy to read more from Julie