Prison Break Recap: Unearthed

Give some love to Michelle for pinch hitting on the Prison Break recap this week. I appreciate you taking this one for me this week since I wasn’t able to even watch the ep until this morning. And what an ep it was!!!

Title: “Unearthed”
Original Airdate: 10/30/2006

Pre-“Prison Break” prayer: Dear TV Gods: Please let Sara figure out Michael’s code so they can rendezvous at the hot. Please let Lincoln and LJ get to Panama so they can lead normal lives and argue about curfews and haircuts, like all normal teenagers and their parents do. Please let T-Bag meet a grisly and justified fate. But please don’t let all of this happen in the same episode, or else the series would probably be done. In Michael Scofield’s name we pray. Amen.

Michael is at a botanical garden, where he quickly dons his requisite baseball hat “disguise” (I used to hate it when men wore baseball hats, but this show has really forced me to reconsider my position on the issue). He quickly blends in as a new volunteer, consults his tattoo for some post-escape advice, and immediately heads for the Apache Desert Ghost (a flower, for the botanically challenged – and I include myself in that group).

Alas, whatever he was going to retrieve will have to be left behind, because he’s spotted by undercover agents scoping out the gardens. {Note: I’ve made up my own little system of tracking the over-the-top, unbelievable instances in each episode; I like to call it the Implausibility Quotient, or IQ (of course, it’s all done out of love. They could tell me that Michael Scofield is an alien and I’d just go, “Yup. Makes sense.” And it really would make sense, because he is beautiful in an other-worldly sense. But I digress). The IQ for this scene is roughly a 5. Michael recognizes the men as agents when he notices that one has left a pile of cigarette butts during his “stakeout” – ding ding! A nature lover using the gardens as a big ashtray? Please.) Michael runs and escapes. (More IQ: why are the agents, who are on duty here ONLY to catch Michael, unsure if it’s really him? They can figure out that complex tattoo and figure out his every move based on it, but they’re having difficulty recognizing the man? IQ: 6).

Linc and LJ are driving in a beautiful blue car, and Linc lets out a string of clichés that would make the guy from “Casablanca” proud:
“I’m a target, kid.”
“As long as you’re with me, so are you.”
“Things are gonna get worse before they get better.”

I guess LJ is pretty wrapped up in being a fugitive and all, since he doesn’t even call his dad out on his uninspired conversation. The two men drive on.

Michael, in a diner, hears about Tweener’s death on TV. He also learns, via an over-eager reporter who is questioning Mahone on TV, that Mahone has recovered his hard drive AND that Mahone and company know of Michael’s post-escape plans (IQ: 3. Reporters can be vigilant, but would they really leak that kind of information on TV during a live interview?). Michael puts everything together: Mahone isn’t psychic or a water alien, he just knows how to read the tattoo! That’s why he’s often a step ahead of them. Michael hatches a plan.

Meanwhile, back in the FBI office, the agents are staring at what Michael hid in the botanical gardens and was trying to fetch: 3200 nitroglycerine capsules. I have no idea what this means, other than Mahone says they could blow the whole place up. The agents work on cracking the code to figure out where Michael and Sara will eventually meet. Speaking of which, Michael goes into a thrift store and tells the saleswoman he’s “looking for something very specific.” Word of advice, dude: I’m a thrift-store shopper, too, and I’m telling you you’re setting yourself up for disappointment if you set your sights too narrow. You need to have an open mind and time to browse, because who knows what you might discover?

C-Note meets up with his pre-prison buddies in a parking garage, and they hatch a plan for C-Note to reunite with his wife and daughter. Meanwhile, an agent threatens C-Note’s wife, telling her she’ll put her daughter into foster care if the woman doesn’t help them in their pursuit of C-Note, since they know he’s been in contact. Harsh. C-Notes wife grudgingly obliges to help.

Linc and LJ stop at a convenience store, where they are promptly recognized by the clerk who is flirting with LJ (IQ: 7. Many adults in this country apparently don’t watch the news or recognize the escapees, but a teenage convenience store clerk is up on current events?). They decide to ditch the beautiful blue car and hoof it.

Michael, in his new MIB-issue (and thrift-store score) black suit goes to Mahone’s ex-wife’s house, flashes a badge, and tells her he’s gathering background information on Alex’s promotion (IQ: 9. Her ex-husband is FBI, but she doesn’t recognize a cut-rate forged badge when she sees one? Even I could see that it doesn’t look nearly as good as the ones they show on the “X-Files” opening credits). Pam Mahone agrees to talk to Michael, and about her ex-husband, she says, “He scares me.” He scares all of us, lady. But you’re the one who slept with him.

Oh, yeah: SARAH FIGURES OUT THE CODE! SHE KNOWS SHE’S SUPPOSED TO MEET MICHAEL AT A HOTEL! More later.

T-Bag puts some stuff in a rented locker (#804 – I have no idea if this is significant) and goes to find the ex-girlfriend who is responsible for getting him incarcerated in Fox River. On the way, he buys flowers for her (aw, sweet!) and steals the big, sharp scissors lying on the counter of the flower booth (IQ: 10. Why does T-Bag have to steal the scissors? He’s a “free” man now, AND he has all of Westmoreland’s millions. Can’t he go to Target and get a really, really nice pair of scissors for that much?).

Kellerman receives word that Sara, using the i.d. she stole from the dead woman who was mistakenly shot last week, has booked a flight for New Mexico. He passes this information on to Mahone (don’t forget, we found out last week that they’re BFFs…well, kinda). Mahone is re-inspired to crack that code and figure out exactly where she’s going so he can get to Michael…who is still at Mrs. Mahone’s house, drinking coffee and getting oodles of information on Alex. Pam Mahone tells Michael of Alex’s sudden and strange behavior, which included suddenly ending their 12-year marriage, telling her to leave the house and suddenly taking a keen interest in gardening…even though he had previously been a neat freak…and his new obsession included using lots of fertilizer and lye as he dug up the back yard…right around the time Oscar Shales went missing. Do you see where this is going? Yes, it appears that Mahone killed Shales, much like he killed Tweener, and Mr. Shales is now resting comfortably under that birdbath in Mahone’s backyard. So it would seem that Mahone is just not into contemplating the tranquility of that birdbath every time he stares into it. He’s thinking about the man he buried underneath it.

C-Note’s wife works with the FBI to trap her husband. But he knows what’s going down, so he has an alternate plan that involves her running away. What about their little girl, the one the agent threatened to put into foster care? Well, C-Note thought of that, too. In the boldest move of the series this season, he busts into his daughter’s school, snatches her away from the test she’s taking (what student hasn’t had that fantasy before?) and makes it back to the car, all before the FBI agents can catch up with him (IQ: 10. Really? REALLY? Do I need to justify this one?). The family is off to live…happily ever after, I guess. I don’t know how…or where…or with what money…

T-Bag makes it to his ex0girlfriend’s house (“Don’t think I won’t remember what your front steps look like,”) only to discover that her house is for sale and she’s gone. As he’s busy reminiscing about the good old days and the time they spent there, he’s knocked out by…Bellick! Bellick starts taunting him and eventually plucking at his stitched hand with the scissors T-Bag stole from the flower lady. Karma, T-Bag. And I can imagine that this is only the beginning of your karmic payback. You have a big karmic debt to pay, my man.

Michael calls Mahone from the cell phone he stole from Pam’s house. He recounts to Mahone what probably happened with Shales, and from the look on Mahone’s face as they’re talking, Michael is probably spot-on. He tells Mahone that he must think about it all the time…that even though he used lye to make the body decompose, the DNA will still leech into the soil, and evidence of this crime will always be there (I’m not a science person at all, but Michael’s explanation of how DNA can seep into the dirt sounds totally plausible to me, so I’m buying it). Mahone tells Michael that he’ll see him soon…very soon. When we last see Mahone in this episode, he’s frantically digging underneath that birdbath in his yard, and sure enough, we see a skeleton poking out of the dirt. DNA leeching, though, so you know even if he moves the body…that damn DNA will still be there.

BIG SHOCKING TWIST: Linc and LJ are waiting to buy train tickets, when they’re recognized at the station. Inexplicably, even once they realize they’ve been made, they don’t move at all (IQ: 10. Now’s not the time to stand and look sexy against the wall, guys). They stand there until they HAVE to run. LJ gets hit by a car, Linc runs to his aid..and BOTH OF THEM ARE CAUGHT BY THE COPS. It’s likely that the cops know who they’ve caught, too, since they use Lincoln’s name on their radio. I just can’t see how this could end well.

SPOILER ALERT: unless FOX’s promos are as misleading as NBC’s promos for “The Office” are known to be, it looks like Michael and Sara will meet up next week. Sigh. True love on the run. I am SO there.