Ugly Betty Recap: “Trust, Lust, and Must”

Title: “Trust, Lust, and Must”
Original Air Date: 11/2/2006

Last week we found out Betty’s dad was in the U.S. illegally. This week, we find out Ignacio is being investigated for possible deportation. The lawyer willing to represent him wants $20,000 as a retainer, a sum that stuns that Suarez clan.

Over on the ground floor of the Mode offices, Daniel’s got his eye on another stunner: Salma Hayek (who produces the show) popping up a guest star. After a coffee accident in the elevator, in which she proves to be aggressive, outspoken, and ample-breasted, Daniel appears to be smitten by saucy Salma.

“No, you cannot submit my apartment for ‘Pimp Yo House’,” Wilhelmina instructs her daughter, Nico, who had the impudence to call during her important meeting about the “Must Mode” issue of fashion must-haves for 2007. After turning up the previous week in Wilhelmina’s office, her daughter is staying with her while she’s between boarding schools.

That night, Wilhelmina talks to her surly progeny, disdaining Nico’s dinner of Captain Crisp cereal. “Cap’n,” Nico corrects her mother. “I don’t think he’s an official maritime officer.” Right — next thing you’ll be telling me Captain Horatio McCallister was really just a skipper.

Familial affairs aren’t much rosier at Casa Suarez, where Hilda and Betty are rooting through old documents and photos for info that could help Ignacio’s immigration case. Betty stumbles upon a photo of her mother, holding the hand of a man who’s torn out of the picture. When Betty asks her dad about it, he gets irritated by her line of questions and goes for a walk.

Hilda, however, comes up with a brilliant idea. Betty can sell Herbalux to help raise dough for her dad’s legal fees. Considering Betty’s chumminess with all her officemates, she’s thrilled to help. And if you buy that, then you’ll buy how interested Marc is in sampling the wares Betty brings to the office. Unless it’s “Taye Diggs covered in baby oil,” he doesn’t care. (GMMR’s ed note: “Bravo to Marc for that visual)

Daniel heads to his father’s office for a meeting with the editors-in-chief of all Meade publications. He spots Salma there and pegs her for some sort of waitperson, asking her for some coffee and making suggestive comments about circulation numbers, if you catch his drift. When he learns Salma is really Sofia Reyes, high-powered author and recently named editor of a new Meade magazine, he looks like he swallowed a batch of Diet Coke and Mentos.

Hilda, also trying to make extra money, has set up an Herbalux stand in front of a store. Its proprietor exits and tells Hilda she has to leave, but the ever-expressing-herself Debi Mazar arrives and explains Hilda has the right to be there, according to Section 214 of Statute 7B of Rule Kiss My Ass and Let Me Freely Assemble. Before Debi leaves for yoga, she explains she’s a lawyer and gives Hilda her card.

Hilda gets a call from Betty, and upon hearing Betty has made only a shameful $10 in sales, takes it upon herself to head down to Mode and throw an Herbalux hootenanny down in the cafeteria. Sales are going swimmingly with the weight-obsessed workers until Wilhelmina arrives and breaks it up.

Daniel, in the meantime, has decided that he needs to make up for his bad first impression with Sofia by giving her something “profound” so she’ll realize he’s not an “unqualified himbo.” He settles on jewelry. I guess he got profound confused with “profoundly pedestrian.” Silly himbo. Not surprisingly, Salma is not wowed by “the usual” from Tiffany. Partly because she knows it’s what he gives to any old ho after a night together. How does she know? He gave one to her assistant. “I thought I recognized you,” Daniel admits. Not smooth, DM.

Apparently it was a tradition for Bradford and Fey to spend their shared birthday together. This year, Bradford heads to Fey’s crypt, a modern monstrosity complete with an enormous Fey glamour shot. Mysterious plotting lady, who I’ll finally admit is Fey, stops by to appear in his peripheral vision and scare the bejeesus out of him.

Wilhelmina, catching on to Betty’s need for extra income, gets her to spill the situation with her dad. She offers her a check for 20 grand, claiming it’s no strings attached, but really more ‘one day I shall call on you for a favor”. Betty takes the check, but it’s sure quite what to do with it. Christina tells her it’s blood money, but it’s certainly tempting. Christina’s solution to this difficult dilemma? Get feckin’ pissed.

Later, Betty arrives home a bit tipsy and launches into a row with her dad. Ignacio wants her to talk to him about her own issues, but she’s of the crazy idea that communication is a two-way street. Still, he won’t budge, refusing to confess who’s in the picture even after Betty confronts him with the incongruity that her mother is wearing a wedding ring in a pic taken in 1975, when her parents weren’t married until years later.

Family relations at Chez Slater are similarly frosty. Nico intentionally got brought in for shoplifting, and Wilhelmina knows she’s just doing it to act out and get attention. She won’t give in – she’s still sending Nico to boarding school in Paris. Wilhelmina insists she’s trying to teach her the most important lesson her father taught her: “The only person you can count on is yourself.” And, possibly, your flamboyant assistant.

After non-familial relations, Daniel and Amanda lounge in bed. He asks her whether she’d like jewelry as an apology. Amanda perks up, thinking he’s talking to her, but he straight up explains he’s trying to get on Sofia’s good side. Daniel, I really like you, but it is against rules of everything that is social and moral to talk about hitting on a chick while post-coital with another chick. Amanda agrees with me, clearly, and heads out, hurt.

Betty shows the check to Hilda the next morning, summing it up as “her money, my soul.” This inspires Hilda to head back to the yoga-adjacent store for a chat with Debi the lawyer. Looks like she’ll be helping with the immigration issues.

Since the universe has a sense of humor, Daniel and Sofia get stuck in an elevator in the Mode building. According to Daniel, “the last time this happened was four hours of Kevin Federline trying to cornrow my hair.” You’re lucky he didn’t try to serenade you, D. They get the bright idea of climbing out of the hatch in the elevator ceiling, with Daniel propping up Sofia. When the elevator starts up again, she falls on top of him, slaps him for looking up her skirt, and heads out.

Nico has decided that she needs to do something bigger to get her mom’s attention. She’s called a press conference in the ground floor of the Mode building, where she’s wearing a skimpy outfit (very Raquel Welch in One Million Years BC) inscribed with the words “Fur Is Murder”. Wilhelmina, never one to pass up a PR opportunity, sashays in wearing a fur coat, announcing that the “Must Debate” is about fur vs. fashion. Nico looks as though fur might not be just murder, but more specifically matricide. After the press leaves, she agrees to go to Paris, but not before reaming her mother in front of her coworkers, saying her “#1 must should be learning how to be a mother.”

After that little scene, Betty returns the check to Wilhelmina, who actually responds in a human, understanding manner, and tears up the check. Nico comes in to say goodbye, and W assures her “I do love you and I only want what’s best for you.” Ah, the classic justification of overbearing parents everywhere. Later that night, we see her eating Cap’n Crisp in her unlit kitchen, probably missing her daughter.

Since it’s truth time, Amanda heads to Daniel’s office and confesses she had his missing watch. She was just waiting for him to realize it. “You need to find whatever it is you’re looking for,” she tells Daniel. “I just know now that it’s not me.” Daniel looks caught off guard, but doesn’t really deny it.

Betty, who’s spent a day seeing what a real example of bad parenting is, comes home and apologizes to Ignacio. “You’re our rock, Dad.” She says he doesn’t owe her any explanations. Her forgiveness, of course, makes him feel loved enough to reveal his secret.

Apparently, Betty’s mom was married before she met Betty’s dad — to rich, abusive Ramiro Vasquez, who Ignacio worked for as a cook. One day, Ramiro’s treatment of his wife was too much for Ignacio, who by that time had fallen in love with Betty’s mom. Things got physical, and Ramiro pulled a knife, but Ignacio subdued him, hitting him repeatedly. Then the Suarezes ran and never looked back. Why did Ignacio never pursue getting a green card? Because he was afraid they’d send him back. “I killed Ramiro Vasquez.”

Next week: Betty gets to try out a hotel – and possibly Sven the masseuse? – to write a review for Mode. Maybe it’ll be a bit less heavy than this week’s installment.