Ugly Betty Recap: “After Hours”

Title: “After Hours”
Original Air Date: 11/9/2006

Sodden Betty presents Daniel with a bagel at his desk. Why so wet? She was down in the MFY mag offices, getting Sonia to sign her copy of “Women Like It On Top”, when the fire sprinklers activated. She presents him with the news that a freelancer turned down the hotel review, but Daniel’s a bit distracted by Sonia and the MFY staff heading into the Mode conference room, since their offices are aquatically undesirable. They flirtily snark back and forth a bit.

Bradford, meanwhile, is asking Wilhelmina to meet with Ted Lebow, owner of a chain of Bow-mart superstores and a real Texan, who’s considering advertising with Mode. Wilhelmina is typically derisive but accepts: “I’ll charm the denim chaps right off him.” Saucy!

At Casa Suarez, Hilda explains to Ignacio that she knows where they can get the $5,000 to pay for Lawyer Debi. She suggests someone named “Santos”, but Ignacio is dead-set against him, not wanting a cent from “that degenerate”.

Sofia pops by Betty’s desk, with a non-waterlogged, signed copy of her book. She has an ulterior motive for popping by, wanting to get Betty’s “fresh eyes” on a piece she’s writing about sexaholics. Daniel, a bit jealous of Sofia’s interest in Betty, nips that in the bud and swipes Betty for some Very Important Tasks: dry-cleaning and office supply pick-up. He realizes he’s being dismissive (in a way that will be unattractive to Sofia), so he tells Betty she can try her hand at the hotel review.

Betty practically bounces. She’ll be staying free of charge at the posh hotel all weekend! What could be bad about that? Well, as she tells Christina, the fact that she was supposed to go to Atlantic City for a “romantic” weekend with Walter. (Um, Betty, you’re going with Walter. Do you remember Walter? Walter is the anti-romance. Walter destroys art. Walter destroys souls.)

As she suspected, when she gets home to pack, Walter is rather unsympathetic about what could be her big break. He got special passes to a live Price is Right show in Atlantic City! He wants to win a dinette set! Betty gives him a semi-pity invite to spend the weekend at the hotel with her, but he rejects it and petulantly stomps out.

Betty gives herself a pep talk as she makes her way into the hotel. The concierge is…cordial, at best, and invites her to sit while the bellhop comes to help with her bags. True to form, Betty takes a seat in a Men-in-Black-style plastic orb chair, which she promptly knocks over and rolls around in, peering out like a trapped rodent, mortified. Nobody likes a brunette in a hamster ball, Betty.

Wilhelmina consults with Christina to find something from Bow-mart that she can wear to her meeting with Ted the Texan. Christina pulls up a smart little black cape, saying, “I think this is perfect for your weekly meeting at the coven.” Guffaw!

Ted arrives for his meeting at Mode to find Wilhelmina in a subdued, boxy Bow-mart suit, surrounded by Texan paraphernalia designed to win him over. She wants to give him the pitch about why he should advertise in Mode, and he just wants to flirt. He’s riding the rails between slimy and charming, leaning towards charming, if only because he looks like he could be Sawyer’s rakish uncle (odd because he was actually on Lost, I now realize).

Over in Queens, Hilda has tracked down Santos, and he’s got kind of a rakish charm of his own. Clearly the two have a history (and some chemistry), but Hilda’s trying to keep things strictly business and get her money. Santos agrees, handing over half in cash, with the rest to come, but on one condition: “I want to see Justin. I want to see my son.” Ohhh, snap!

Betty absorbs the ambience of her hotel room, tossing out and discarding descriptions for her article. She decides to take advantage of the amenities for her article. First the television (adult entertainment…awkward!), then a massage (also awkward, when studly Sven the masseur arrives). Mid-massage, Walter arrives and catches her “in flagrante”…or so he thinks. After she mellows out Walter’s more caveman instincts, he explains he ditched Atlantic City to spend time with her instead. “I’m not going anywhere,” he tells her. Great, she tells him. He can put on a dress shirt and accompany her and her enormous blue sparkly fairly godmother-like prom dress to dinner at the swanky hotel restaurant!

Daniel, feeling bad about a breast-reconstruction-related faux pas, orders Indian food for Sofia and her staff, who are working late in the Mode conference room. His kind gesture lures Sofia into his office, where she’s so charmed by his inability to consume spicy foods that she invites him out. “You look like you could use some air. Do you ride?” (Ride my crotchal region, I’m sure Daniel is thinking…) Sofia means her hog, however,

After some frigid behavior from the hostess, Betty and Walter negotiate themselves into the hotel restaurant. Betty asks for the chef’s tasting menu, so she can write a proper review. When the first unrecognizable course arrives, they both give it a cautious try. Betty, understanding this isn’t Walter’s idea of a perfect evening (that would probably involve Everquest and Betty in a Princess Leia costume), nicely asks him for help with this opportunity. Walter just blows her off and suggests they go upstairs.

If Betty’s feeling out of her element, Marc and Wilhelmina are in a similar fish-out-of-water scenario. Ted’s taken them to a Coyote Ugly-style bar, with brassieres flying and loose women everywhere. I’m sure they’re all just trying to make it in the singer-songwriter business, of course. In the meantime, they are showing off the bar menu…on their mammaries. “Do you have anything non-dairy?” Marc asks cheekily. Hee!

Sofia and Daniel motored to a billiards club, where they’re both feely pretty “game on.” Pool as foreplay? Well, it is ripe for innuendo, with those sticks and the rack and all that sexy bending. The game rapidly degenerates into an excuse to make eyes at each other, and Daniel asks why Sofia gave Betty an article that was clearly about him. The sexaholics article? “What makes you think it wasn’t about me?” Sofia asks, before ravaging him.

Ignacio, having discovered that Santos was going to visit the Suarez’s that night, did not approve. However, he didn’t have much to worry about; Santos is a no-show, even after four calls from Hilda. She vows not to let him treat them like this again, and heads out into the night to drag his sorry ass back.

The real sorry ass here, however, is Walter. After being served something involving lamb’s brains, he cracks, loudly whining, “I want real food, Betty!” He’s acting like my three year old brother, and while it’s cute on a toddler, it’s not cute on a boyfriend. Walter insists Betty’s just pretending that she belongs. Hurt, she responds, “Maybe you don’t belong.” There’s no maybe about it, Betty. Walter ditches her in the restaurant. Later, back in her hotel room, she tries to write her review, but she’s not satisfied with the flashy prose she’s scribbling.

Hilda’s at home, her search for Santos having been unsuccessful. Now where should he turn up, but at the Suarez household, bruised and beaten. Maybe it was those pesky PCH-er’s! Naw, it was his bookie, to whom he actually owed the $2,500 that he gave Hilda. Hilda’s softened by his admission, and invites him to Thanksgiving with the family.

Wilhelmina and Ted, looking like they’ve knocked back a few, are on the verge of a deal when Nico calls Wilhelmina to complain about the care package she sent her at boarding school. Apparently it did not contain the desired items, nor any actual “care.” Ted sees the softer side of Wilhelmina, and he likes it, having a few teenage daughters of his own. He agrees to the advertising deal, and if his hand on Wilhelmina’s is any indication, they could be headed for more than just a business arrangement.

Betty returns, bags and burger in hand, to find Walter on her front porch. She apologizes to him, confessing that when she said he didn’t belong, she meant herself. Walter confesses that he just acted immature and demanding because he was scared of losing her. Betty explains she needs him to support her, and they reconcile — for now, at least. I for one am hoping the death knell sounds for these two before too long.

Monday morning at Mode, Sofia’s clearing out of the conference room. Daniel arrives, wondering why she didn’t return his emails all weekend. Well, because she was busy. “I had plans. With my boyfriend.”  (Hey, Daniel? That unpleasant taste in your mouth? It’s called “your own medicine.”)

Wilhelmina, meanwhile, is in considerably higher spirits. Her Texan spent the weekend with her, and bought her shoes to boot. (Boot? Get it? They’re designer cowboy boots! No, really.) She’s even happy enough to make a replacement care package for Nico.

Daniel breaks the news to Betty that her review was great, but not right for Mode. She understands, but it’s obvious that she’s crushed, which explains why Sofia finds her licking her wounds in the bathroom later. Sofia tells her she has no reason to hide. The article was good. So good, in fact, that they’re going to publish it in MFY magazine, she says to Betty with a grin. And the only answer to that, Betty finds, is a happy dance. I concur.