How I Met Your Mother Recap: “Slap Bet”

Title: “Slap Bet”
Original Air Date: November 20, 2006

One of the HIMYM gang has a secret that has been hidden for the entire time they have been friends. What is it? That is anyone’s guess. Of course, it was open to much speculation.

The speculation led to one of the best episodes of the year. It led to the nicknaming of another of our favorite people.

It all begins with Barney’s excitement with the grand opening of a new Sharper Image down at the mall. He wants the gang to join him and said he’ll buy everyone something if they go along. And then, you hear things come to a screeching halt. Robin refuses to go to the mall with them. It comes out that Robin refuses to go to malls and even at everyone else’s insisting, Robin says she’d rather just not talk about it. Begin speculation!

Barney thinks he has the answer. Porn!

Ted: You know?
Barney: Of course I know. She couldn’t look at us, her face got flushed, that’s shame my friend. Our friend Robin used to do porn-wait for it-ography.

And Marshall throws his own thoughts into the speculation ring.

Marshall: This is going to sound crazy, but, what if Robin is married?
Ted: What does that have to do with the mall?
Marshall: Maybe she got married at the mall. Back home in Minnesota a ton of people get married at the Mall of America. It’s great!

***

Ted: She’s not married. She hates marriage.
Marshall: She hates marriage, because she got married at the mall!

Marshall thinks Robin is Married. Barney (obviously) thinks that is she did porn. They make a wager. With the payout being the greatest payout I could ever imagine. The sad thing is, I could see myself making such a bet. A “slap bet” where the winner gets to slap the loser in the face as hard as they can. Lily was appointed “slap bet commissioner” – her job was to make rulings on any disputes that may arise.

Ted just can’t stand not knowing Robin’s secret. It’s eating him alive not knowing it. So, while they are sitting around one night playing scrabble, this little dialogue occurs:

Ted: Husband.
Robin: There is no P in husband.
Ted: Wow, you seem to know a lot about husbands. Fine, I’ll take it back. Oh, hey, since you mentioned husbands, you’re gonna love this. Marshall, you know, Marshall. He thinks that the reason you don’t want to go to the mall the other day is because you got married in a mall and have a husband in Canada.
Robin: (fake laugh)
Ted: I told him that he’s crazy. Because, he’s crazy, right? I mean, how crazy is that?
Robin: Are you asking me if I’m married?
Ted: You could ask me. Nope. I’m not married, your turn.
Robin: What happened to respecting my privacy?
Ted: Just say, No, I’m not married.
Robin: I can’t. Marshall is right. I was young, and I got married. It was a mistake and he moved away but yea. I’m married.
Ted: Ohhh. You have a husband?
Robin: I was young. And stupid. And we got married at a mall. And we broke up at a mall. And I haven’t been to a mall since.
Ted: Why didn’t you get divorced?
Robin: We broke up and he went to Hong Kong, and I was like, ehhh, good enough.

Of course, Ted tells someone. He tells Lily, who tells Marshall, who then goes and slaps Swarley, err, umm, Barney.

Ted: What am I going to do? Do I ask her to get a divorce?
Lily: Ted, even if she is married. It’s a Canadian marriage. It’s like their money or their army, nobody takes it seriously.

Marshall does some research in the law school and finds out that Robin is not really married. The guys start looking for a way to call Robin on her lie without telling her that Ted let her secret out. Marshall encourages Ted to “lawyer her” – ask her questions to try to trip her up. Ted starts asking Robin multiple details about the wedding and she unflinchingly lies about every last minute detail including the reception, menu, music, bridesmaids, flowers, and he finally trips her up on her husband’s name.

Lily found out as well, and, as “slap bet commissioner” she informed Barney and Marshall was penalized.

Lily: Barney gets three slaps. One because you lied. And two for being prematurely slapped. Three slaps.

Following Barney’s three retaliatory slaps on Marshall, this episode moves from hilarious, into pure comedic gold. Enter Marshall, Lily and Barney running into the apartment with what Barney thinks is Robin’s secret.

Barney: That’s right, I know your secret Robin. Or should I say, Robin Sparkles?
Robin: How do you know that name?
Barney: I know the truth and I am about to show it to you right now. Stand around Ted, you are going to want to see this.
Ted: No I don’t. Robin wants this to stay a secret, its going to stay a secret.
Barney: Ted, it’s not going to stay a secret. You see in my research I came upon a gentlemen in Malaysia who is in possession of a certain video tape. He just emailed me and it will be up and running on Myspace in about…right now.

***

Robin: No, it’s time. Ted, I appreciate what you are trying to do but if it’s out there, there is no point in trying to hide it any more. Let’s just watch it and be done with it.

At this point it seems readily apparent that Robin was in some sort of cheap porno.

Robin: I want to stress that I was young.
Barney: Yea you were.
Robin: That I didn’t know any better.
Barney: They never do.
Robin: It started out as an innocent modeling job.
Barney: It always does.

Barney starts the video on the laptop and there is a much younger Robin wearing a school girl’s outfit, talking to her male teacher about being a bad, bad girl. It looks like Robin was in a bad school girl fetish porno. Barney stops it, and everyone freaks.

Barney: In the interest of Robin’s dignity I will show no more. And, it’s getting late. It’s already slap o’clock. (he turns around and nails Marshall)

And, as Robin starts the video back up, they see. It was a music video. Robin was Robin Sparkles. A Canadian teenage pop star! With a hit song no less, “Let’s go to the Mall.” Robin is extremely embarrassed but feels better about her secret being out. (Somehow this seems less humiliating than Barney’s video to Shannon in a previous ep, but, who am I to judge there)

Let’s not forget though that Barney already slapped Marshall without permission of the “slap bet commissioner.” Clearly, Robin’s secret was not porn, so, Marshall has the upper hand again. Lily laid out Barney’s penalty for his “premature slapulation” of either 10 slaps right away or 5 slaps from here to eternity.

Barney takes the five slaps and already appears to be in fear of Marshall’s slaps.

The episode finishes out in classic form with all but Robin clearly enjoying yet another viewing of the video and dancing around. Poor Robin.

This was a great episode. Even if you don’t have the chance to check the entire episode out, please watch the video (Robin Sparkles, “Let’s Go to the Mall” music video)

Kaboom! You’ve been lawyered by Jim Mosby. Half Jim Halpert, half Ted Mosby. At least that’s how he describes himself. Maybe minus the Halpert good looks he’d be telling the truth. Jim loves feedback, and is a comment whore, so, indulge him if you can.