If I Ran “Lost”/”The Office”…

It’s clear that the folks at Entertainment Weekly read Give Me My Remote. Come on, do you think it’s just a coincidence that this week’s EW features an Office/Lost crossover article, just days after I posted my perfectly flawless (read: nightmarishly bad) photoshopped cast photos? Not a chance. Ha ha.

Kidding of course, but the fine folks at EW have in fact explored what life might be like if the person orchestrating life on the island were to switch places with the real boss of Dunder Mifflin. Here’s the article from the EW article on newsstands now. (Look for the mag with Will Smith on the cover…and let me just say that I am so glad I finally subscribe to EW – it’s the best. Click here to subscribe.)

If I Ran Lost…
by The Office Executive Producer Greg Daniels

Act I: In the operating room, Jack and Juliet wait for Kate’s call. After an awkward silence, they play games to kill time. Juliet asks what DVDs Jack would bring to a desert island. Jack answers without seeing any irony. One of his movies is Twister with Helen Hunt. Juliet decided to make fun of Jack with Ben if Ben survives. Back on the beach, Hurley, Sun, Jin, Claire and Sayid strap airplane seats to their feet and race to see who gets to say a line of dialogue.

(If I Ran Lost: Acts II & III…after the jump)

If I Ran The Office…
by Lost Executive Producer Damon Lindelof

Act I: Dwight wraps a tape measure around his head and confides to Michael that his skill is mysteriously expanding. Michael throws a mysterious glance at the microwave, then looks at the camera and rolls his eyes. Mysteriously.

(If I Ran The Office: Acts II & III…after the jump)

If I Ran Lost: Act II

After being bitten by malarial mosquitoes, Sawyer pulls quinine tablets from an unseen crevice of his body and offers one to Kate. Meanwhile, Hurley inadvertently insults Sun and Jin by announcing they’ll celebrate Chusok (the Korean harvest-moon festival) and he’s prepared Vincent as a traditional meal. Horrified stares. Main title sequence.

If I Ran Lost: Act III

Locke, a volunteers sheriff’s deputy, find the plane Eko was headed for. Inside, there’s a copy the 1981 TV movie The Harlem Globetrotters on Gilligan’s Island and a portable DVD player. Intrigued, he grabs both, then runs. Out of the leaves comes…the black smoke. It searches the plane, seizes something and retreats. We see it has grabbed Twister with Helen Hunt. As we push in on the DVD, scary music screeches.

If I Ran The Office: Act II

Jim and Roy get in a knife fight over Pam. FLASHBACK: Five year old Jim watches his parents have a knife fight. Back in the present, Jim cries cathartically, persuading Pam to choose him because he’s so “sensitive”. Dwight’s head continues to grow exponentially. Michael hides something in the microwave, then looks at the camera mysteriously as we hear scary supernatural sounds coming from the copy room. When played backwards on TiVo, they seem to say “Dunder Mifflin is Satan’s playground.”

If I Ran The Office: Act III

In a series of jaw-dropping twists, we reveal that the “camera” everyone has been talking to this whole time doesn’t actually exist and that Dwight’s head isn’t in fact expanding, but his body is getting smaller. Furthermore, we never reveal what Michael his in the microwave (we’ll find out three seasons from now) and that the scary supernatural sounds are actually coming from Stanley. Oh…and most shockingly of all, Pam IS Jim. BANG. Mysteriously revolving TITLE CARD – THE OFFICE.