30 Rock Recap: “The Rural Juror”

Before we get into Brian’s weekly 30 Rock recap, I wanted to let everyone know that Brian is going to take off a week or maybe more of recapping because by the time the next episode of 30 Rock airs he will be a new Daddy!!!  I will be sure to let you all know when Brian and his wife are blessed with the bundle of joy…best of luck, Brian!!!

Title: The Rural Juror (alternate titles The Roaring German and the Oral Germ Whore)
Original airdate: Jan. 11, 2007

It’s a night of drama and angst on 30 Rock. Relationships are tested. Pages are scalded. Barbara Walters tries to enunciate. And audiences can only sit back with a meatball in hand and watch.

Jack Donaghy (Alec Baldwin) drops a bombshell in the first few moments. He’s no longer dating Condoleeze Rice. Maureen Dowd is no slouch either, though. In actual plot developments, though, Tracey (Tracey Morgan) went broke despite starring in 14 movies because of his money manager/bodyguard’s obsession with telecom stocks like WorldCom. But Jack’s got a plan to make him rich again: branding.

Meanwhile, it seems Jenna (Jane Krakowski) is finally hitting the big time. Her independent film, the Rural Juror is in limited release. She’s even doing The View. Too bad no one on the TGS set knows or can pronounce the movie’s title, which apparently was conceived with the inspiration of some funny white powder.

Liz: Could it be Roar Her, Gem Her?
Pete (Scott Asdit): No, that doesn’t make any sense. It’s got to be Oral Germ Whore.
Jenna: OK, Bye. Sorry, that was my publicist. You know I have to admit I kind of like that Tracey Jordan is no longer the only movie star on TGS. Maybe I’ll start getting some respect around here.
Frank (Judah Friedlander): What’s up, flabby butt? You look weird today. Hey Pete, you want to see a comic book with pregnant zombie nuns?
Pete: Yes I do.

So Jenna gives Liz a screener to watch, and Liz is just happy to learn the title. Jenna tells her it was based on a Kevin Grisham Novel. It seems old John Grisham’s brother used to work in a recycling center, and his next work is called Urban Fervor. Deep. The two women get nostalgic, looking back to their days living together in a small Chicago apartment when their careers were still dreams.

Tracey is still looking for a big idea to slap his brand name on. Kenneth (Jack McBrayer) knew a man who was a carpenter and who had crazy ideas about everyone loving one another. Of course he means Miguel from set design. Kenneth’s PB&J sandwich inspires Tracey, though.

Backstage, Liz tells Pete how awful Jenna’s movie is. So he asks her what she’s going to say to Jenna about the Roaring Junior. Liz says she’ll stick to her usual method of complimenting some small aspect of Jenna’s latest project (neat lighting, easy to read programs) and then hug her.

Tracey goes to Jack with his big idea: the Tracey Jordan Meat Machine. Tired of your sandwiches making you angry? Put your meat inside, and you’ll no longer will you have to suffer through bread. Meat is the new bread. Jack’s heard worse ideas (Working Out with Whoopie). Make them for $4 and sell them for $50 through the Korean subsidiary of a GE subsidiary’s subsidiary, he says.

Tracey: Jack Donaghy, you the best. I’m going to make you a mix tape. You like Phil Collins?
Jack: I’ve got two ears and a heart, don’t I?

Trying to get the skinny on Jenna’s movie, the writing crew tunes into The View. Rachel Dratch as Barbara Walters confirms that Rachel Dratch is the most underrated comic on television. But even she can’t pronounce the title. Liz won’t give the writers any ammo to make fun of Jenna, but she admits the movie stinks.

Confronted in the hallway by Jenna, Liz tells her the soundtrack was moody, her face was very expressive and the trees were cool. Jenna asks if she’s doing that condescending compliment thing she always does. For once she wants Liz to be honest, but she can’t take Liz’s brutal honesty. Liz tells her it’s a total train wreck.

Jack and Tracey turn to Dr. Spaceman (Chris Parnell) for a medical product endorsement. The doc is only too happy to oblige. If it’s giving people meat, he’s on board.

On The View, Barbara Walters gives a synopsis of the Rural Juror that sounds something like “errrerrr errrerrr errrerrr errrerrr errrerrr.” That doesn’t help much, but Josh (Lonny Ross) let Tony the security guard watch him pee in exchange for letting him break into Liz’s office and steal the screener. Oh yeah, and Liz has been Googling singles Yoga and scalp pain.

Things are heating up between Liz and Jenna, and the ugliness carries over onto the set.

Jenna: Pete, could you tell Liz not to stand in my sightline while I’m rehearsing, please.
Liz: Pete, could you tell Jenna she smells like a stripper.
Pete: So are you guys still fighting?
Liz: We’ve reached kind of an understanding. She’s not talking to me, and to retaliate I’m writing impressions for her that she can’t do.
Jenna (in her best Bill Clinton): I did not have sexual relations with that woman.

This is when things start going crazy. Pete tells Liz she has to apologize to Jenna. It’s bad enough having Dougie from props taunting Kenneth with a fake fish. Filming for Tracey’s infomercial is under way. It’s supposed to be a parody, but it doesn’t look any dumber than a real infomercial. Jenna’s and Liz’s feud totally blows up when the writers defend the movie (only to keep the feud going). Unfortunately, Tracey’s meat machine squirts scalding grease on users.

With a crowd gathering and Frank holding up a tape recorder, Jenna and Liz really start going at it. Liz apologizes for assuming everyone would hate the movie, and Jenna hopes Liz gets bird flu and dies.

Upstairs, Jack’s got a plan to salvage Tracey’s product marketing plan: go overseas. The Ukraine’s out, Tracey says over martinis. He has property there. Ultimately, he has qualms about selling a product that hurts people. Jack’s disappointed, but he has to go settle down Jenna and Liz.

Jenna: I’m sorry that we’re not all weeping with gratitude at getting to read your words. I am so glad I studied voice at Northwestern so I could do raps about Suri Cruise.
Liz: Oh please. If it wasn’t for me you’d still be slutting it up for car dealership owners so they’d put you in their commercials.
Jenna: Oh, so now I’m a slut? Let me tell you something. This slut slept with your brother.
Liz: Mitch?
Jenna: Yeah, and let me tell you something about Mitch. He is disgusting in bed.
Liz: You know he’s not right. He was in a really bad skiing accident.

Jack is determined to broker a peace. He’s a huge Kevin Grisham fan, by the way. He tells Jenna that Liz has been her biggest defender. Jenna apologizes, and Liz admits she was jealous, enraging Jack who feels sandbagged by the admission. They make up, and Jack becomes terribly bored.

Whoopie Goldberg ends up pedaling the meat machine for an indeterminate Eastern European market, and Barbara Walters quizzes Jenna about her childhood. “Glerg. Glerg.”

Must-see TV is working out really well so far. I just have one suggestion: flip Scrubs and 30 Rock so I can get a full hour of comedy gold by watching The Office and 30 Rock in succession. For me, Earl and Scrubs are bookends I could miss, and the half-hour gap between my two favorite comedies is needless downtime. But that’s just me.

Brian is a soon-to-be dad who writes for a living and spends his free time obsessing on the New York Mets and The Office, watching 30 Rock and Heroes and walking his oversized mutt Riley.