How I Met Your Mother Recap: “Columns”

Title: “Columns”
Original Airdate: January 22, 2007This was one of those episodes that really dind’t provide much in the way of plot development, character development, and really lacked the normal laughs associated with such a great show. It’s a shame, but, I suppose every show has a weak episode or two through out an entire season. Right?

What did you dream about doing when you were a kid? As the beloved Pam Beesly once said, “I don’t think it’s many little girls’ dream to be a receptionist.” On the other hand, Ted Mosby, well, he dreamed the dream of many boys and girls while they play with their building blocks. He dreamt of being an architect and made those dreams come true.

As we previously saw, Ted helped to design his first skyscraper beating his boss, Hammond Druthers, and the awful phallic shaped building. With that victory, Ted assumed the job of lead man on the skyscraper project. He was now Hammond’s boss.

With that new leadership position, came great authority, and great time commitments. He was always working, even when he wasn’t at work. Poor Ted would lie in bed at night thinking of ideas for the project.

Ted: Oh, Robin, I just had a great idea!
Robin: (Sleepily) Do whatever you want to me, just don’t wake me up.

Even though Ted was now the boss, the worst part of his day is Hammond Druthers. Druthers did nothing but criticize Ted’s idea for columns in the atrium to the building. Ted wasn’t sure what to do, so, he went and talked to the managing partner who told him to fire Druthers. Ok, problem solved, right?

As Ted was recounting this to the gang down at McClaren’s they gave Ted their two cents and said he just has to do it. Fire Druthers.

After the bar, Ted, Robin and Barney head upstairs to the apartment where Barney goes to plug in his cell phone to charge. Oh my, what is this behind the piano? Swarley Barney makes a discovery. It appears to be canvas stretched over a frame. Okay? Lily is an artist, so, it’s probably nothing big, right?

Oh hell no. Hell yea!

Robin: What is that?
Barney: Only the greatest thing ever! Wait, wait wait, that’s not enough build up. If they were to cure cancer tomorrow this would still be the greatest thing to happen all week! You’re ready for…..Naked Marshall! (Barney turns around the painting to reveal a painting of a birthday suited up Marshall!)
Ted: Oh my god, this is awesome times awesome. It’s awesome squared!
Barney: I know, behind the piano this whole time.

The gang decides that if Marshall was hiding it, then he didn’t want anyone to know about is. So, what is the right thing to do?

Robin: We’re going to have so much fun!
Barney: We’re going to have so much fun!

Yup, you got it. They’re going to torture poor Marshall with the painting. (The painting was of a nude Marshall sitting on a stool holding a rose.)

Back at the Architecture firm, Ted was getting ready to fire Druthers and as he was getting ready to tell him, coworkers pop out with a birthday cake singing Happy Birthday to Hammond. It’s kind of hard to fire a guy on his birthday, and well; Ted’s authority was not real strong as he was wearing a birthday party hat.

Cut to the apartment with Marshall coming in the door.

Barney: Oh, hey Marshall, have a seat (as he hands him a bar stool) – I know how much you love stools.
Marshall: Thanks, yea, stools are better for your posture.
Robin: And uh, I got you a rose.
Marshall: Thank you, that’s so sweet. You guys are being so (said now quite suspiciously) sweet.
Barney: Hey guys, guess what I got? A new dart.
Robin: Oh wow, a new dart.
Ted: Hey, that new dart is great.
Robin: I did not know you were such a fan of a new dart, Barney.
Barney: Oh yes Robin, I just love new dart. New dart. Nude art.

Let the party begin. Poor Marshall. Of course, they took the painting and put it up down in the bar.

The story behind the painting is that Lily was going to do a nude painting for her art class in college. Marshall freaked out that it was going to be another guy when he thought that she was the only one he should see naked, so, he posed for it. Of course, the bar tender Carl would not let him have it.

After everyone else left, Lily and Barney got to talking and Barney offered Lily $5000 to paint him nude. This was going to help pay for the Marshmallow and Lilypad honeymoon. Ewww.

When he left the bar, Ted went back into the office to work for a bit, and, being such a later hour, he discovered something. Hammond Druthers sleeping in the office. Yes, he’s been thrown out of his house by his wife and had nowhere to sleep. Of course, that means that the soft and sympathetic side to Ted Mosby comes out, and Druthers is still employed. And in fact, now sleeping on Ted’s couch.

All of this time, poor Lily has been wrestling with the idea of painting Barney nude. The money would be nice, but, it’s a compromise she’s not sure she’s willing to make. She finally asks Marshall and he’s okay with it. She’s still troubled, but, figures for the money, it’s Barney.

Things keep degenerating for poor Ted and Druthers. Ted thinks he has a new found friend in Hammond and yet Hammond keeps ripping on Ted for the columns idea. It’s time to fire him. Then… Hammond gets served with divorce papers, birthday party, round two, and as Ted starts to fire him, he collapses with chest pains.

Ted being the ever so compassionate man that he is continues to tell H.D. that he’s fired even as he’s on the floor writhing to the horror of everyone else around. What a stand up guy that Mosby is. Hey, at least he got a margarita machine for the office to bring up morale!

Lily and Marshall end up extorting another $5000 out of Barney to finish up the painting, thus bringing the total up to $10,000. One little thing though, though it was supposed to be a nude painting of Barney holding a sword, she didn’t exactly do what Barney ordered. Lily and Marshall ran with the money as Barney saw the painting.

Instead of the “bare pickle” painting he wanted he got the Ken Doll treatment.

Barney: Smooth area! (Angrily) You gave me the Ken Doll! She left out little Barney. Barnacle Jr. My barnana. Barnito Supreme.

Kaboom! You’ve been lawyered by Jim Mosby. Half Jim Halpert, half Ted Mosby. At least that’s how he describes himself. Maybe minus the Halpert good looks he’d be telling the truth. Jim loves feedback, and is a comment whore, so, indulge him if you can.