How I Met Your Mother Recap: Monday Night Football

Title: “Monday Night Football”
Original Airdate: February 5, 2007
GMMR Recapper: Jim MosbyHmm. A second poor to fair episode of HIMYM in a row. Am I worried yet? No. Though, one or two more this season that is this weak and I’ll officially declare myself a member of the worried party for the future of such a great show.

Carter Bayes, Craig Thomas, listen up, for the love of all things Swarley, please, please, brings this show back to the HIMYM goodness we were seeing earlier this season!! Kthx!

Anyways, back in NYC, with the gang, ready for Super Bowl Sunday 2007. In the story of how Ted met his kids’ mother, the children have heard stories of every major holiday so far, well, except for Super Bowl Sunday.

This was/is Ted’s favorite holiday. While sitting down in their normal hangout, McClarens’, he assigned duties to everyone, wing duty, beer duty, chip duty, well, except poor Swarley Barney. Barney had no duties except for trying to control his little gambling ‘problem.’

Barney: Shhh. Problem? Oh, poor Superman, he should really do something about his flying problem. It’s not a problem if you are awesome at it.

And then tragedy strikes. The gang gets news of Mark’s death. Mark? WTH? Who is Mark? They don’t know either. Apparently his funeral and wake are during the Super Bowl and they were his favorite customers. Guess the gang is going to go to the wake and start watching the big game an hour late thanks to the TIVO gods. As they were leaving, Ted and Marshall said a short prayer to said TIVO gods (quite possibly the best monologue so far this season from an otherwise weak episode):

Ted: Oh mighty TIVO, we thank you for all of the gifts you have given us. The power to freeze live tv to go take a leak is nothing short of god-like. Let’s not forget fast forwarding through commercials, it seems greedy to ask anything more from you, oh magic box. But if you malfunction, and miss the Super Bowl, we will destroy you in the alley with a baseball bat. Amen.

The gang heads out to the funeral after offering up the prayer, and, in walks Swarley Barney, oh my, NOT SUITED UP?

Ted: Let me get this straight, a funeral is the one time you don’t suit up?
Barney: Have I taught you nothing, Ted?
Ted: Virtually.
Barney: Suits are full of joy. They are the sartorial equivalent of a baby’s smile.
Lily: Sartorial?
Barney: Of or pertaining to tailors or their trades. Suits are for the living, that’s when it’s my time to R.I.P I’m going out of this world the same way I came into it, buck naked! Yeaaaa. It’s gonna be awesome. Open bar for the guys, open casket for the ladies! Whaat uppp.

5:45 p.m. the gang arrives at the funeral home and as they make their way through the line they see Mark in the casket and realize who he really was.

Barney: Such a waste.
Lily: So young.
Barney: A hand stitched, cashmere, double breasted, Dolche and Gabana, it must be so frightened.

After that, they went back to the bar for the wake, and, they felt trapped. They wanted to leave but felt obligated to stay. The clock was ticking; the game was nearly ready to start.

They came to the realization that they were going to miss the game, so, they made a vow to stay away from the final results of the game until they could all watch it together on their TIVO, on MONDAY NIGHT.

This task was going to be harder than originally planned. Ted decided to work from home to avoid any office chatter. Barney handcuffed himself to the radiator in the apartment, Robin resorted to some strange tactics on set, and, Marshall decided to hide in Lily’s classroom all day, figuring a kindergarten classroom is a safe place.

Right?

Wrong. Some little kid blackmailed Marshall. $10 to keep from hearing the score.

Ted constructed some bizarre contraption called the “Sensory deprivator 5000” to keep himself from hearing and or seeing anything game related while he went into the sports bar to pick up the wings.

Back to the kid blackmailing Marshall. He kept upping the ante on Marshall, and Marshall finally had enough! Marshall grabbed a juice box, and squeezed it all over that little squirt, making it look like he had an accident. Sit down and shut up kid, or, you’ll be forever known as the kid that wet your pants!

Success, Marshall, Lily, Ted and Robin somehow made it through the day without finding out who won. Barney. Not so sure yet. The poor guy went crashing through the streets like a junkie looking for his next fix, begging people to tell him who won.

Nobody knew, but, wow, there is Emmitt Smith, surely he knows who won, right:

Barney: Emmitt Smith, oh thank God!
Emmitt: I get that a lot.
Barney: You gotta tell me, who won the Super Bowl?
Emmitt: The game was last night? Once you win one or two of those things, it’s like, ehhh.
Barney: But you Emmitt Smith, a football player! It was Super Bowl Sunday, what could possibly be more important than football.
Emmitt: Dancing. Dancing.
Barney: (Drops to his knees) Noooooooooo!

Monday, 6:15p.m. everyone arrives at the apartment to watch the game. Everyone apparently unsullied, ready to watch and be surprised.

Well, that is until Barney goes into a back bedroom and finally calls his bookie. Insert loud screams of distress! Somehow he lost every single bet he made on the game.

That ruined everything. Everyone knew now. What’s the point?

23 years later, nobody remembers who won or played, but, they remember that they had a great time, sticking to their tradition. And what are traditions without good friends, good food, and a cold beer? Nothing.

Kaboom! You’ve been lawyered by Jim Mosby. Half Jim Halpert, half Ted Mosby. At least that’s how he describes himself. Maybe minus the Halpert good looks he’d be telling the truth. Jim loves feedback, and is a comment whore, so, indulge him if you can.