30 Rock Recap: Up All Night

Title: Up All Night
Original Airdate: Feb. 8, 2007
GMMR Recapper: Brian

30 Rock tonight was a freaky hodgepodge of drunken Russian prostitutes, randy couples, bitter divorcees and way too little Tina Fey for my taste. And yet, by the end of this episode, I felt like I’d seen a little bit of everything, great storytelling, good comedy and a closer connection to a bunch of character who manage to somehow avoid ever becoming caricatures..

Jack (Alec Baldwin) and his estranged wife Bianca (special guest Isabella Rossellini) are finally finalizing their divorce – after a tortuous 18 years, that is, much of its spent squabbling over the box she taught the dog to poop in. Liz (Fey) ducks out quickly, in not quite so graceful Ugly Betty style, and heads off to tell the writers they’re pulling an all-nighter, on Valentine’s Day, no less

Frank: Well, what about me? I just took a whole bunch of Cialis because I’ve got big Valentine’s plans tonight.
Liz: With who?
Frank: Nobody.

Seems some bad shellfish set the staff behind, and they’ve got two nights to put out a live TGS show to keep the advertisers happy. Of course Liz forgot what night it was, big surprise. But some mystery paramour has reminded her with two dozen pink roses. She asks Pete if he sent them to be nice. He didn’t, but he’s got to hustle because he forgot what day it was too. But in his case it’s also his wife’s birthday.

Bianca, regretting having assaulted Liz so viciously at Prince Gerhard’s birthday party, elects to settle her and Jack’s divorce amicably. Jack eagerly takes advantage, nabbing everything including the Arby’s in Telluride.

Jenna (Jane Krakowski), fresh from Vagina Day, which is not nearly as altruistic as it sounds, can’t stand being called a phony by Frank. Of course, she’s the biggest phony going. And she does, as Frank notes, look like she just came from a Suzanne Somers look-a-like convention.

Frank: You’ve never done or said anything real or genuine the whole time I’ve known you.
Jenna: Oh really. And does a phony bare her soul to the homeless, because that comes from in here. My vagina is a convenience store: clean and reliable and closed on Christmas.

Jack’s looking to celebrate his newfound freedom, and Tracey (Tracey Morgan) is willing to accommodate as long as he makes it to his wife’s role-play fest at a hotel downtown.

The writers are playing a vicious game of marry-boff-kill, consistently killing off Jenna in favor of more desirable companions, i.e. Osama Bin Laden. In the course of things, Cerie (Katie Bowden) admits she’d boff Kenneth (Jack McBrayer). The writers are stunned.

Meanwhile, Jack’s downtown, tying one on and lamenting that he’ll never touch Bianca’s boobs again. He’s clearly not over her. Luckily, a hooker played by Rachael Dratch is there, with most of her teeth, to make him feel right.

The writers send Kenneth and Cerie on a candy run. Kenneth nearly bursts into flames on the spot.

Tracey and his wife are playing “homeowner and horny nitrogen leak inspector” – you know, that old gag – when Jack and his hooker bust in. Tracey’s wife isn’t happy, so Tracey calls in Lemon, who is mistaken on arrival for another hooker.

A touching moment between Kenneth and Cerie isn’t marred either by Kenneth’s mom’s disturbing theories on reincarnation or Cerie’s fiance’s constant texting. And Cerie kindly lets Kenneth brag that he made out with her if he wants. What a gal.

Poor Pete tracks down a Hallmark store 70 blocks away but loses his bouquet of red balloons in a last-minute revolving door accident.

By this time I’d forgotten Tina Fey had a part on this show, it had been so long.

Liz: This is sick. This relationship is sick.
Jack: You just don’t understand. It’s complicated.
Liz: No, I don’t understand. Let me ask you a question. Marry, boff, kill Bianca. Which do you want to do?
Jack: All of them. All of them.

But Liz makes sense. It’s time for Jack to put Bianca behind him. So they leave the hooker on the sidewalk and head back to the studio.

Jenna, meanwhile, marches into Frank’s office and lights into him for being as big a phony as he accuses her of being. Of course she toots in the process. Rather than undermining her case, it turns out it’s the most genuine thing Frank’s ever seen her do. Go figure.

Kenneth, it seems, needs to work on his dragging. In possible homage to Sixteen Candles, he proves his worth to the writers by holding up Cerie’s panties – though it’s unlikely she wears what looked like size 40 BVD briefs.

The all-nighter just about behind her, Liz is munching on Valentin’s candy and pulling off her bra without removing her shirt. Just then, the guy who sent her the roses walks in. Turns out his girlfriend, Liz Lemler, works in accounting. She never got her roses. He doesn’t want them back. He just wants a picture of Liz to prove to her that he sent them. I don’t know the words to describe chemistry, but this scene left out hope for Liz’s love life.

Brian is a new dad and a writer who used to spend his free time obsessing on The Office and the Mets, watching 30 Rock and Heroes and walking his oversized mutt Riley. Now instead of free time, he has a 9-lb. future Mets fan to watch The Office with. Catch his daily musings on 30 Rock and The Office at http://remote.lohudblogs.com.