BIG BROTHER Recap: Booyah!!

Another captivating episode of BIG BROTHER. It’s getting down to the wire and each episode is better than the last. Tonight we had old wounds reopened, a burgeoning romance on the rocks, naked ass all around, and some crying (um, take a guess from whom).

Previously on Big Brother…
Jen finally got off on the last stop on the crazy train – Sequester Station…but not before she shared a few parting words. Seems Jen had a little something that she wanted Amber to share with Jess. A bewildered Jess had little time to ponder Jen’s cryptic message before the houseguests headed outside for the HOH competition. In a “slam dunk”, Jessica won and everyone was overjoyed.

Secrets, Secrets are No Fun…
Jess questions Amber about Jen’s peculiar message. It seems that Eric confided in Jen that he was in a relationship with someone named Sheryl outside of the house. Jen wanted to make sure that Jessica knew – especially since everyone was aware about how Jess feels about cheaters…and Eric. Jess was pretty upset, but Eric threw her a little explanation, saying he and Sheryl were on and off and they didn’t have an absolute commitment – Jess seemed ok with it all. She’s out to nab her some Eric and I don’t think she’s too concerned with the feelings of this Sheryl character. I still can’t believe that Jess is into Eric. Bizarre!! But as Eric put it, even being a 5’7 Jewish guy he still looks good next to the likes of an ogre (Zach) and a 44 year old pervert (Dick). Ha!! At least he has it all in perspective.

These are the Days of our Donatos…
Maybe you’ve heard this one before. Dick tries to “parents” Daniele and she gives him major attitude. They get into a fight and Daniele stomps off like a child. Two steps forward, one step back with those two. Dick needs to face it – the only way Dani is going to have a relationship with him outside of the Big Brother house is if he wins the $500,00. He can’t force it. Although she acts like a petulant child, she’s an adult – and by that I mean – Dani, go take your vitamins.

You Don’t Have to Take Your Clothes Off, To Have a Good Time…
But you do if you want to win this week’s luxury challenge. In a competition designed by the pervets running this show, this week’s luxury challenge forced the houseguests to get completely naked while using the letters sewn into their clothes to spell out Big Brother-related words. Bubbles slowly were poured over them, and the guys and the girls were separated, but I still think it was a wildly inappropriate challenge – and I’m no prude. The prize? A 2-minute shopping spree within the BB house. The girls won, and hugged and jumped around with each other. I’m still in shock that the producers didn’t play some sexy porn music and show their naked celebration in slow motion. Once inside the house, the girls just threw everything they could get their hands on over their necks in an effort to get as many clothes as they could. Style and size be damned…they would figure it all out lated. Amber was most concerned, because “she’s not as small as she looks”…Hmmm.

Congratulations, You Will Never be in the Running for America’s Next Top Model…
BIG BROTHER hates Amber!! Sometimes these producer’s are so outwardly cruel that I just can’t help but laugh. Tonight, there was no hiding the disdain the people editing the Big Brother footage have for Amber. They’ve gone out of their way to make her look like an idiot in the past (with very little effort on their part…I give you Exhibit A), but tonight was just awesomely bad. And although the producer’s put together the show, the words and actions are all 100% Amber.

If you’ve seen the show (and if you are reading this I’m gonna go ahead and assume you have) then you know Amber isn’t afraid to share her high opinions of herself. Those of us who watch the feeds get to hear about it all the time. How awesome her hair is, how everyone thinks her eyes are so pretty, how people can’t help but love her personality…blah, blah, blah. Who does she think she is, Jen?? Well on tonight’s episode, Amber told Jameka that Nick thought she should be on America’s Next Top Model!! No, I’m not kidding (I’ll give you a minute to either stop laughing or pick your jaw up off the floor). So yeah, Nick said something about her pretty face or something. The she went on to say that she had the hair, the body and the personality. Ever the enabler, Jameka said she could see Amber on the cover of a magazine. Um, yeah, how about “Unstable Former Meth Addicts Who Do Nothing But Cry Weekly” (damn, I’m being cruel tonight.) All the while, Big Brother has edited the footage to show her in the most unflattering poses – ugly looks, bikini shots, etc. Oh snap…it was rough!! I can’t wait until someone posts the video. Check out the video: Big Brother’s Amber Wants to be America’s Next Top Model

This Week I Nominate…
As current HOH, it’s Jessica’s job to nominate two people for eviction. With her alliance with Dick and Daniele still firm, Jess isn’t sure if she wants to rock the boat this early. If she is going to nominate one of them, then she has to nominate both. Jameka and Jess are tight, so she’s safe. And I think it goes without saying that her in-house showmance and BFF Eric isn’t going anywhere. So I guess that leaves Supermodel Amber and Ogre Zach. Zach did his best to plead his case to Jess before the ceremony but it was a no go. Sadly Zach is still under the illusion that he has some semblance of control in this house…never has, never will. Amber is upset, but don’t worry, she’s not upset at God. She actually takes some time in the diary room to tell God directly (through ugly tears of course):

“Hey, God, it’s me. I don’t want you to think that, you know, I’m doubting or I am mad at you because I’m not. I love you, God, and God bless you. Help me be strong.”

I wonder if God paid the money to watch the 24/7 live feeds or if he just watches the broadcast episodes like most of America. I suppose he’s little busy (especially on Sundays) but I’m sure he has TiVo!! God’s ego must be out of control..I mean he gets a shout out in every single episode!! You know what I would do for a little GMMR shoutout during Big Brother?! Geesh…some people have all the luck!!

America’s Player….
It’s time to give Eric his assignment. This week America has to choose the houseguest for Eric to kiss. Now, I’ve been pretty impressed with Eric’s game play as of late and I’d like to take it easy on him and vote for him to kiss Jessica…but that would be ZERO fun!! I’m going to split my vote between Dick and Amber. Yes Dick is the obvious choice, but think of how funny it would be if Eric kissed Amber. She would do nothing but talk about how in love Eric is with her. Scratch that…I vote for Dick!!

Sooo…nominations? Who do you want to see go home with week? What do you think of Eric and Jessica’s showmance?