Cocktail Party Primer (Episode #11): Do We Have to Call it Meurte Laughlin Now?

My apologies to Drew Carey and verbal (from the comments last week). You take one little nacho break at the end of The Price is Right and you miss the ever-important admonition to spay and neuter our pets. And then you feel like an idiot. I promise, from now on, if the urge for a snack strikes when I’m on assignment, I’ll take full advantage of my TiVo’s pause function. Now that that’s out of the way, this week we’ll learn that David Chase is a dick, that baseball can hit it out of the park, and that Fox thinks a women’s prison could be both dramatic and hot.

• Although it was just a week ago that I compared Viva Laughlin to a horrible, fevered nightmare, I honestly didn’t think it would get cancelled quite this fast. The way CBS has erased the show from its website and isn’t even hosting the remaining episodes online (a courtesy that Fox even gave the abhorrent Anchorwoman) seems a little like salting the earth so nothing will ever grow again. It’s as though the network wants us all to think that the whole thing really was just a terrible dream. I’m afraid if I turn to CBS, I’ll see a shiny metal watch swinging slowly back and forth and hear a soothing voice saying, “You’re feeling very sleepy. You never saw Viva Laughlin. You’re going to watch Cane on Tuesday at 10:00, 9:00 Central.”

• The news broke this week that the Daniel Dae Kim was arrested for drunk driving, making him the fourth Lost cast member busted for DUI in just two years. The secret if finally out folks. Down in Hawaii, the Lost set is run entirely by members of Delta Tau Chi. In a statement, J.J. Abrams said, “To foster an atmosphere of professionalism for the cast of Lost, some changes will be implemented immediately. Going forward, we’re cutting down to two on set kegs, no more than half a dozen strippers, and body shots will be limited to Fridays.”

• Remember after the Sopranos finale how everyone gathered together in the grand old water cooler tradition to discuss every possible nuance of that infamous cut to black? Remember the wild speculation? Well it turns out that you’re an idiot. Or at least that’s what Sopranos creator David Chase says. The show’s finale had no deeper meaning and wasn’t implying anything. “There are no esoteric clues in there,” Chase insisted. Of people searching for such hidden depth, he added, “Most of them, most of us, should have done this kind of thing in high school English class and didn’t.” He found the wide assumption that Tony was dead “pathetic.” I assume that this is the point when the interviewer proceeded upbraid Chase for wasting eight years of our lives, being a lazy writer and a total jerkbag, and then punched him in the crotch. Or at least that’s what I would have done.

• Word has it that Fox is developing a spin off called Prison Break: Cherry Hill set in a women’s prison. It will be about a woman named Molly who is serving a life sentence for the act of revenge she committed after the Company caused the death of her family. They promise the show will be loaded with redemption and moral transformation, tense mystery, girls in confined spaces, and loads of steamy shower scenes. Come to think of it, I caught one of my brothers watching that on half-scrambled Cinemax when he was 13.

• For most TV fans, October is their least favorite time of the year. The undesired preemption of the baseball playoffs and World Series causes much grumbling and gnashing of teeth. As a Red Sox fan and general baseball nut, I’m as happy as the cast of Lost on a brewery tour, and for once, it seems, other agree with me. Ratings for Fox’s broadcast of the World Series this week have been through the roof, up 34% from last year. Competitive play and compelling storylines can partially explain the dramatic upsurge in viewership, but I think there’s something more going on. I suspect that America is so thankful at not being subjected to Back to You and ‘Til Death on Wednesday night, they’d tune in to baseball or badger shaving out of sheer gratitude alone.

Martha Smith is a San Francisco-based freelance writer and editor. She writes mostly about food, TV, and other things that can be enjoyed while sitting down.