PRISON BREAK Recap: Boxed In

Original Airdate: January 14, 2008
Title: “Boxed In”

Did you hear the one about the guy trying to break out of prison who ended up in a chicken coop?  I guess that’s not really a joke but it has all the elements of one, and believe it or not it’s the punchline to how the second half of this season of PRISON BREAK started off last night. Yes, PRISON BREAK is back…it’s been a long time.  It’s also been a long time since I’ve written a recap of this show, and I’m a little rusty, so please bear with me as I embark on this self indulgent rant.

When we last saw Michael Scofield, he was being led out of the prison after the General realized that he was most likely behind the two recent botched escape attempts at Sona. Whistler, T-Bag, Lechero all looked on as Michael was led to a new kind solitary confinement – Panama style – aka a chicken coop covered in saran wrap baking in the hot sun. Can we talk about this chicken coop please?  Was it supposed to be intimidating or something?  I don’t really get it?  Did the saran wrap make it hotter?  It wasn’t like it was enclosed or anything.  I mean Michael could just stand up and breath in that fresh, cool Panamania air when he needed.  Inside the prison walls of Sona, the guys spent the majority of their time outside anyway, so what’s the biggie?

Well whatever it is, it worked because Michael soon flew the coop and started squawking (see how I kept the chicken reference going…I’m good like that).  Did anyone else find it odd that after all Michael has been through (I mean this guy got his toe cut off with lawn equipment) that he would break down and talk after just a day in that thing?  For some reason, Michael seemed to put all his faith in this Panamanian General, because you know, all the Panamanian officials he’s encountered so far have been on the up and up. Geesh.  Michael tells the whole story about Linc’s framing, his placement in Sona, the kidnapping of L.J., the beheading of Sara, breaking Whistler out, his first sexual experience, the time he stole gum from the drug store – everything. And while the General didn’t buy his story at first, he at least took the time to look into it and found there were elements of the truth.

So I know I’m spending way too much time on Michael’ confession, but this whole scenario struck me as odd.  Ok, so the General took Michael out of Sona because there had been two failed escapes from the prison.  Knowing of Michael’s escape from Fox River, the General put two and two together and realized Michael must have been behind these escapes too.  But here’s where I get lost.  If the General knew about Michael’s past in Fox River then wouldn’t he presumably know at least an inkling of the story with Lincoln and how he was framed by the government.  When Michael started sharing his story, the General should have known right away that at least some of it were true.  I don’t know, the whole thing struck me as very odd.  But then again, did I really just spend a whole paragraph trying to inject logic and reason into an episode of PRISON BREAK?  Sorry, you’ll have to forgive me – I should know better by now.

So while Michael’s spilling his guts, Lincoln is still kickin’ it with Sofia in Panama, until Gretchen shows up and whisks Lincoln away (I think someone is jealous).  In a show of good faith, Gretchen brings Lincoln to visit L.J. to show him that he’s still alive.. L.J. tells his father that Gretchen cut off Sarah’s head right in front of him, and while he didn’t look he could hear everything.  (Um, hello memories that even a life of therapy will never erase.)  Lincoln told L.J. that the next time he saw him to keep his eyes on him and follow his lead or something cryptic like that. Lincoln has to leave and L.J. has to remain strapped in the chair.

Back at Sona, Michael gives up Whistler, who at the mere tease of torture then gives up Gretchen.   The cops pick up Gretchen while she’s meeting with Lincoln, and whisk her off to Sona.  She tries to play dumb, but she’s not that good of an actress (something we’ve all known for a while now), and the General puts her in the chair and ladies and gentlemen, the torture begins! In the only educational moment of the night, I finally learned what waterboarding entailed.  I had heard of this form of torture on the news – you know, because this country of ours thinks that it’s an acceptable form of torture – but I never really knew what it was.  Thanks Prison Break for this educational moment.  So yeah, Gretchen finally talks and assures the General that she’s just the babysitter and she knows nothing of the larger plan (a half truth).  She says she’s willing to take him to L.J. and they head off…just as the collective audience watching the show says “Yeah, right!”

In a very predictable moment, Gretchen kills the General and takes off with his gun, cell phone, keys, etc.  Has Gretchen never watched TV?  Should she not have stolen the General’s clothes and keys and given them to one of her goons who could fake it as a guard and walk the boys out of the front doors of Sona?  I’m just sayin…if they could do it on ALIAS, they can do it here (and with that I apologize for every comparing ALIAS and PRISON BREAK…it won’t happen again).

Back inside, Bellick is dealing with a chicken leg fight (I think someone should casually drop that keychain down the drain).  He plays dirty but he wins.  Mahone is returned to Sona, and he’s determined to get clean – which isn’t all that easy to do when T-bag is literally pushing drugs on you ever two seconds.  See T-Bag wants Mahone to kill Sammy which somehow gets T-Bag in on the escape plan.  This confused me a bit but I don’t think I care all that much to try to figure it out.  How sad is that?  I will say this, if T-Bag was so desperate for Mahone to get high, then why didn’t he just shove the needle into his arm?  It’s not like Mahone is in any shape to fight back.  Aye, aye, aye.

As bored as you probably are by now reading this way too long recap, that’s how bored I was at this point in the show.  I wanted something, anything to happen.  But what we got was Sammy opening the box that was delivered to him by Augusto via Sucre.  In it was a gun with which Sammy is supposed to kill Lechero and take control of Sona.  Not really sure what Augusto’s motivation is to have Sammy in and Lechero out, and once again, I don’t really care. At this point please raise your hand if you care about Lechero at all.  Hell, I don’t even care about L.J….why are we not seeing more of Michael’s plotting and hotness?

PRISON BREAK, you’re lucky I’m a loyal gal (and that there is a WGA strike and not much else on), because you are really, really trying my patience.

I didn’t get to see scenes for next week because my DVR cut it off, but I can imagine that the boys are still sweating, Gretchen is still threatening to kill L.J., and Michael and his band of merry men move one step forward in their plan to break out of Sona.  How close am I?

For the love of Wentworth Miller, please tell me that you are ready to talk extensively about last night’s episode and that I didn’t just use these moments that I’ll never get back to recap Prison Break for myself…discuss!!