TOP CHEF Recap: Episode #2

From the brilliant mind that brought us “Jennifer’s Runway” now comes” Top Chef with Jennifer”. One of the funniest ladies I have ever met, Jennifer Eolin, is recapping this season of TOP CHEF over at her MySpace blog (although I think we should just all beg her to start recapping for GMMR, no?). Anyway, each week I’ll be posting an excerpt from her hilarious take of TOP CHEF as a service to all your cooking folks out there.

Personally, I’m not watching as I just feel inadequate watching the contestants succeed where I can’t (also my reason for skipping out on ‘The Biggest Loser’, ‘America’s Next Top Model’, etc). But Jennifer seems to dig this show, or at least making fun of it…either way, it works for us.

Top Chef Round-up: Episode 2
by Jennifer Eolin
Hello Top Chefers! Before we dive into last week’s episode, we must address the most important part of this week’s show. No, not how many do-rags and fedoras Spike owns. No, not discussing why Nikki wears blue lenses in her glasses and how it looks like she’s trying too hard to be cool. No, not trying to figure out which producer hates Erik and basically cut him out of this show. And NO, not wondering why Jennifer and Zoi wear identical shoes (CLOGS! UGLY BLACK CLOGS!!) but have no idea which shoe goes with which foot. (Last I checked, the SIZE is printed INSIDE the shoe! LOOK INSIDE THE SHOE! Seriously. You’re a chef, if you can’t understand your shoes, I don’t want to eat your food. BAH!)

Ahem… I present… THE TOP CHEF CUSS COUNT:

• “Fudge!” “Fudging” and “Mother Fudger’s!”: 9
• “Sugar”: 7
• “Gosh darn!”: 1

The chefs seemed to really curb their potty mouths this week. Maybe their mothers all called and told them they were embarrassing their respective families. Or maybe they all found religion. Or maybe Bravo called and said, “Son of a B, people. Clean it the fudge up, gosh darn it! I don’t want that kind of sugar polluting my network! Jeffrey H. Cripes. Fudge me. Do we have to do all the fudging thinking around this fudging place?!”

Top Chef opened this week with Stephanie and some girl (I didn’t bother to note it – oops!) recapping last weeks episode in what’s supposed to look like “causal workout conversation.” But they were working out the same way I watch FOX News: with very little enthusiasm, no commitment, and yet in a complete flop sweat. They were just going through the motions of this fake and staged scene created by the producers to remind the audience what happened last week. So gross. Just have your talk over a box of Dingdongs and some cheap pinot noir. I’ll believe that before I’ll believe this so-called “exercising.”

So during “ball exercises with weights” Stephanie reminds us that she won last week but she knows that she could be out at any time. (REALLY!? I had no idea that could happen in a competition! You could be eliminated? WOW! You are SO smart, Stephanie! No wonder you won.) So now that the audience is up to speed on Stephanie and her calves, it’s time to move onto the Quickfire Challenge. But before we get to that, I’d like to say, the Quickfire Challenges bugs me. I don’t learn anything about food or recipes nor do I get to know the chefs better. It just seems like a way to stretch this show out into an hour instead of making it a half hour… which by the way, I’d be fine with. (Continue reading at Jennifer’s MySpace page)