Survivor Gabon: “Nothing Tastes Better Than $500”

Summer Camp is a strange and awkward place for a kid. No matter the structure of the camp or the rationale used to determine who would attend, there is something necessarily cruel about subjecting adolescents to the devious and often crushing influence of their peers 24 hours a day. I was lucky enough to avoid the overnight camp experience, but my time at Western Communities Summer Day Camp produced a trail of tears that would haunt my nightmares and feed my therapist’s bank account for years to come. Had it not been for my kickball acumen, I may not have escaped intact. To my parents’ credit, I was extracted from the camp cycle before permanent damage was inflicted. Little did I know that a small gathering of Summer Camp alumni would gather in West Africa this year, and bring back a slew of old tricks to punish one another.

This week, the eight remaining Survivors traded jabs and pranks in a flurry of outlandish behavior that has become the backbone of reality television. Depending on your perspective, this episode was either the high point or low point of the Gabon saga.

Let’s take a quick peek at some of the more incomprehensible moments this week:

* Bob’s confession to Sugar that he was unable to locate the Immunity Idol at Exile Island, despite following every clue to its logical destination. Bob has been presented as the wise elder all season, yet he never considered that Sugar may have found the Idol after being banished five separate times.

* Corinne and Randy discuss strategy for building alliances while using empowering phrases like, “I hate these people.” Really? Can you really hate people who are on a game show with you? Do contestants on The Price is Right think to themselves, “If this bitch next to me gets to play Plinko, it’s on?”

* Sugar manipulates Randy in order to prevent him from enjoying his own chocolate chip cookie. This was a masterful strategic move, but it conjured up some unpleasant memories of eight year olds playing “Keepaway”

* Randy entered this episode as the most abrasive contender, but his consistent pattern of scornful comments and off-putting body language makes him the kid who throws a temper tantrum when he does not get his way. Poor form!

* Sugar’s parting speech to Randy: “You are a disgusting, old, hot-headed, chauvinistic, alcoholic bigot, and you need to grow up before you die alone….LOSER!”

* The practical joke for the ages at Tribal Council, as Randy was caught holding Bob’s imaginary Immunity Idol. The anticipation on Sugar’s face prior to Jeff Probst’s reveal was a piece of comedy for the ages.

Beyond the hijinks, the Survivor production staff put together two amazing highlights in this episode. First, Bob’s hike to a hilltop, in order to take in more of the beautiful landscapes of West Africa, was absolutely breathtaking. Though it was edited down to the size of a car commercial, the journey was a nice change of pace during an emotionally charged hour of television. Second, the immunity challenge layout, including a falling string of balance beams and an intricate domino design, was a testament to the first class team of professionals who package and produce this show.

I feel extremely guilty for saying this, especially considering my admonitions about the horrors of being subjected to destructive social behavior. This was BY FAR my favorite episode of the Gabon season. I have become the world’s biggest Sugar fan, despite the fact that she is the kind of person who would have been merciless to me as a child. Good riddance to Randy, who was given the sendoff that was necessary, considering the heavy dose of politically incorrect and borderline racist propaganda he spewed all season.

If you will excuse me, I have to go watch The Hills and Celebrity Rehab. This stuff is addictive, you know…

Let me know what you think, GMMR Tribe. Would you like to see Charlie & Marcus get their own segment after watching them during Tribal Council? Did Randy deserve to suffer that embarrassing exit? Is there someone left who you think is the dark horse favorite to win? Am I a bad person for rooting for Sugar? I will not put down my torch until you have spoken!

— posted by Erik

How does Erik stay grounded from his luxurious life as a substitute teacher? He keeps it real with ALF DVDs & Fantasy Football. On weekends, the GMMR HOUSE & SURVIVOR guru spends quiet time imploring the TV gods to bring back Sports Night & Ed. Erik resides in South Florida and spends his summers following Dave Matthews Band.