30 ROCK: St. Valentine’s Day

It’s a little tough to tell Valentine’s Day apart from April Fool’s Day on 30 ROCK, huh? So it’s only natural that Liz would forget Saturday is Vday, since what single person wants to be reminded of that? Only the crazies. And that Jack would be stuck accompanying Elisa to church for “the feast of the martyrdom of St. Valentine” instead of stuffing them both full of a horrible-sounding $1,000 dessert at the equally horrible-sounding Plunder. And that Kenneth would end up playing a mute Christian to Tracy’s hillbilly Cyrano on a “Valentine’s dately-do” with a pretty blind girl, only to lose her to his own face in the end. So much love! So many fools!

Our own Liz Lemon comes out lucky in love for once, although I’m not sure a first date in which you accidentally expose both a boob and yourself on the can would be considered all that lucky anywhere but in Lemonland. Still, everything unfolds pretty much as you would expect, as a pyromaniac wino daughter, an unfortunate pot of stew, and a batch of burning brownies take Liz and Drew all the way to Date 20 in a single night (with a sad detour to Liz’s Date Never, toilet-wise). And this is before she gets sucked into tagging along to Drew’s mother’s deathbed, where she learns that his mother is actually his grandmother and his sister is actually his mother. Which actually makes Drew sound a lot like Kenneth. But nobody’s perfect, and at least he’s not a serial killer. Right?

Meanwhile, Jack’s nod to Elisa’s religious devotion has him blithely confessing to all sorts of executive-level shenanigans (“I may have sodomized our former vice president while under the influence of some weapons-grade narcotics”) and winds up driving the priest right out of the booth to call for backup. Which shames him not in the least, nor does it stop him from propositioning his lady friend right in front of “the patron saint of judgmental statues.” I’m still bored by this relationship, but anything that has Jack facing off against God on His own turf and then seeking salvation in a McFlurry is worthy of sincere applause. (And certainly a broken heart has driven him to poor dietary choices before, as in Season One’s phenomenal “Up All Night,” but at least this time it didn’t end with a hooker.)

My favorite, though, was Tracy’s wooing of Blind Jennifer for poor lovestruck Kenneth, which played sweetly off their weird mentor/protégé bond and gave Tracy the chance to release his inner Kenneth: “Would you like to go out with me tomorrow night? Yes indeedy corncobs?” I also like that he brings his entourage along for the ride, with Grizz and Dotcom serving up dinner on the TGS soundstage, and even Jenna pitching in with an incoherent Michael McDonald impression. But alas, when Kenneth finally fesses up (“you’re the sweetest, prettiest, blindest girl I’ve ever met”), his dreams are quickly dashed, and apparently by his lack of a solid chin. Sigh. Fare thee well, Miss Magoo.

A FEW MORE FAVORITE THINGS

• Liz: “Morning, Dr. Baird.”

• Drew: “Morning, Regular Person Lemon.”

• Elisa: “Please, Jack, don’t tell me you’re one of those convenient Catholics that only goes to church every Sunday.”

• Jack: “Elisa is deeply religious.”

• Liz: “If I had those knockers, I’d be thanking God, too.”

• Tracy, answering Kenneth’s page phone: “NBC, blah blah blah, thank you.”

• Jennifer: “My instincts have never let me down! Except for looking at that eclipse.”

• Jack’s church-side phone call to Jonathan, recited to the tune of the Lord’s Prayer: “Our Jonathan, who art in the office, hallowed be my reservation. If you are able, hold my table, at Plunder, as we will not be there by seven. Have them delay our heavenly dessert, and forgive us our lateness, as we forgive those who cause lateness against us.”

• Three gold stars for Liz’s Mandy Patinkin shout-out, from me and all my theater geek friends.

• Elisa: “I’m so mad at you that I’m yelling at you in Spanish like Ricky Ricardo!”

Kari is a 30 ROCK fanatic and will be taking it out on you, her new imaginary friends.