THE VAMPIRE DIARIES: You’re Undead to Me

I don’t know you guys … I just don’t know. I really like this show a lot, and I loved the Stefan and Elena stuff, and the Damon storyline was good too. The other stories have so much potential, but this episode crossed the line of waaay too much cheese a few too many times for me last night. But let’s start with the good.

Elena being annoyed at Stefan was good—I like Nina Dobrev playing her with some attitude, and I liked Stefan being forced to make it up to her. That dinner scene was BEYOND adorable, and I love them showing Stefan’s interests throughout the years (and that he can eat garlic!). And getting a little Katherine backstory was good. And I loved the car wash, where she was taking her top layer off and got stuck, and said, “So not sexy,” and then he fixed her hair and disagreed. I mean, HELLO. So freaking adorable, right?

And Damon trapped in his vervain prison was interesting too. I was completely fascinated by what was going to happen to him (a living mummy), and the mind games he was playing to try to escape. And it was really interesting to note how powerful he still was, even in an extremely weakened state, especially over Caroline. Which does raise questions of how much of that has to do with how much of her blood he’s had or with that crystal that she picked up. There are still a lot of holes in our knowledge about exactly what kind of control Damon exerts over Caroline and how it affects her when she is and isn’t under his spell, but it appears that she isn’t currently aware that he’s a vampire and she has big blank spots in her memory … but she obviously knows Damon, so it’s not ALL the time they spend together. So is it selective? But I’m still really engaged in that story so the mystery hasn’t become tedious or frustrating yet, and I’m pretty okay with it.

But then there’s Jeremy and Vickie, and I kind of just have to think of this storyline and sigh. Me and Billy snarked all over it and I have to say, I’m a little bummed because I LOVED it at the beginning when Jeremy was just so happy and it was all cute and cuddly and romantic. And then Vickie had to start smashing up pain pills and Jeremy had to become an anti-drug ad from 1988. I mean, I know I got my hard-hitting “drugs are bad” info from the Johnny Dakota episode of Saved by the Bell back in the day, but are we seriously still doing that? And isn’t 8/7c a little late for an After School Special? I don’t know, it just bugged. And it’s like, if your target demo is 18-34 (which I assume it is, unless I’m wrong and it’s younger), we’re all old enough to not be preached at about smoking pot and stealing pain pills. Well, okay, maybe my roommate did stuff like that my junior year of college, but I don’t think she even watches this show so just quit it, okay TVD?

Speaking of … substances (okay, terrible segue, I’m sorry), they really need to sort this vervain business out. I do not want this show to go down the Smallville/kryptonite path, which more than all the Clark whining and the Lana Lang and the product placement, bugs the HELL out of me. The problem with them and kryptonite, which I don’t want to see happen with vervain, is that it never has a consistent effect. Clark can be completely paralyzed by a tiny rock of it, or rolling around reaching for stuff in a room filled wall to wall with it. Sometimes it weakens his powers, sometimes it knocks him out. It’s just so obviously there for the writers’ convenience that not only does it cheapen the story value, but it also takes you totally out of the story.

So here, I get that Damon actually ingested vervain and that made him significantly weaker than Stefan, no problems there. My real issue is between the room full of vervain and Elena’s necklace. If just her wearing the necklace weakened him enough to not be able to mindfreak her and to feel the slap, what affect does it have on Stefan, who is already much weaker than Damon, and how does that translate to an entire room full of it? And why is Damon being in a room with it bad, but Stefan can get close to it too and not seem to have anything happen? I’m really hoping we get some answers next week, because it’s looking like Stefan’s going to have to ‘fess up soon.

Okay, so I know that Bonnie’s story inched along this week and hey, Jasmine Guy! but I am not at the point of caring yet, so I’m just going to skip over that.

I think what we really need to discuss here is the adults. Sigh again. I do like Aunt Jenna, really only because she’s sassy and funny, but Logan does nothing for me. He has gayface, which is fine, unless you’re trying to play a role where you’re attracted to a super hot female who is also attracted to you, and then no. I don’t buy it. But I was really trying to overlook it, but then I just got COMPLETELY put off when Elena was looking at old newsreel footage and Logan was dressed up in old-timey reporter gear as his Grandpappy Fell or whatever … it was SO stupid, and so insulting to our intelligence. I got so irritated that I started yelling at the TV (one of my favorite hobbies, btw), and Billy started making old-timey shouts of “Extra, Extra!” and cartoony newsreel noises. I mean, here’s the thing—I know you guys have probably blown most of you “adult” budget, since you have one gorgeous 25-ish-year-old (Jenna); Caroline’s mom, who always looks fresh off the set of Reno 911; and the now dead Zach. You don’t even have Mr. Tanner, the all-in-one teacher/coach/chaperone on the payroll anymore, so how’s about you spring for a different actor for a vintage newscast? Good LORD. It was cool to see young hot Stefan in the background of the newsreel, but it would’ve been way cooler if it hadn’t been doused in more cheese than you can buy at the Wisconsin State Fair, okay?

And one more thing about that damn newsreel—they were trying to get a look at the body. HELLO. This happened in 1953, and I call so much BS on that, because no way would news stations have done that in 1953. And okay, I know it’s a minor detail and I know I might be being hard on this show for what it is, but it’s because I like it—I was definitely this hard on Chuck when it started and it’s one of my favorites. This show has a lot of potential, but paying attention to little details like that and taking the time to make it at least somewhat grounded in reality where you can (since it IS a sci-fi/fantasy show, after all) are what separates entertaining enough shows to really, really amazing shows. Supernatural has been really successful with this, as has The Office—it’s definitely absurd, but it always makes sense to the internal logic of the show and the reality that they bring to it in the details makes everything else flow. You just really can’t overlook the importance of the small things, unless your goal is appealing to the lowest common denominator and if that’s the case, then just go work at According to Jim and leave the vampires out of it.

Anyway, with all that in mind, this town is small enough to have one restaurant, but big enough to have its own news station, but small enough that the high school carwash is news? To people besides the pedos? What’s done is done there, but these are the kinds of things I’m talking about—DETAILS. They matter. The devil is in them, and I think the Winchester boys would agree that the devil is a pretty huge deal, am I right?

So I know I’ve done a ton of complaining about this episode but I think it was all legit, but once again they’ve done a nice job of advancing the plot and I’m really excited for next week—I’ll be bummed when this show is in reruns because it’s just such a nice complement to all the other Thursday night programming—it pairs SO well with Supernatural but it’s also lighter and fluffier, so it makes it easier to transition between the NBC comedies and the CW sci-fi (I guess? I’m having a hard time mentally categorizing Supernatural, but whatever, you know what I mean), which I DO watch all in one night, much to the detriment of my to-do list. Right now, between these two stations, I have an almost completely perfect night of television. The only thing that would make it better is taking off stupid Jay Leno and replacing it with Chuck at 10/9c. But Vampire Diaries is a huge part of making all that work for me—it’s a fun show, I just want them to pull it in a little tighter in the future.

Okay, what did you all think? Did you share any of my beefs, or was it all good for you? Any theories on Damon’s powers over Caroline? Are you feeling the chemistry between Stefan and Elena? And do you think Damon is going to kill Vickie all the way? And how about that last scene, with Stefan all grabbing his stake and Elena showing up out of nowhere demanding to know what he is? Pretty great cliffhanger, huh? Discuss it all in the comments, I’m excited to hear your thoughts!

SB has many interests, including photography, her pets, entertainment, traveling and writing. She does have a day job, but that mostly amounts to her being a sarcastic young woman with a lot of time on her hands, which is why she appreciates the opportunity to recap.