THE AMAZING RACE: ‘When the Cow Kicked Me in the Head’ Recap

Oh that feeling of dread when you think you are being slick by letting your DVR record a few minutes ahead so you can miss those dang commercials, only to discover that the red light isn’t on the machine and your show isn’t recording. Yup, that’s what happened to me last night. Luckily, I was only about 5 minutes late to THE AMAZING RACE. Usually nothing much of anything happens in the first five minutes. I hope that was the case tonight. Fingers crossed.

When I tuned in the teams were heading to Porta Varas. Joe & Heidi and Carol & Brandy (who I keep reading as Carol Brady) decided to team up to be the most hated teams in the competition. Seriously, could they be more cocky and obnoxious? Joe & Heidi were in line for bus tickets when Louie & Michael (The Detectives) showed up. Joe insisted that he was saving a spot in line for Carol & Brandy and wouldn’t let the guys go ahead any buy tickets. Um, no. It’s not the cafeteria lunch line, it’s The Amazing Race. Why the two detectives let that fly is beyond me. Not only did they let Carol & Brandy go ahead, but Joe snagged the last four tickets on the first bus. Here’s to hoping the detectives learned their lesson. Next time, they need to crack a few skulls.

With the newly formed alliance on the first bus, most of the teams just went ahead and booked seats on the second bus. They didn’t even look for an alternative route even though they had nine hours to kill before their departure.

The three teams you would least expect to use their brains were the ones who had the edge tonight.  Jeff & Jordan (Team Big Brother) and Jed & Cord (The Cowboys) decided to check other stations for buses heading in the same direction.  Brent & Caite (Team The Iraq Such As) tagged along with Jeff & Jordan.  “They seem like smart people, they seem like us.” Oh Brent.

As luck would have it, there was another bus with a connection in Temuco (not Temecula, Jeff) that would get them to Porta Varas well ahead of the first bus. Score!

The Amazing Race is all about the little details. Team Big Brother & Team The Iraq Such As were schedule to leave on the earlier of the two buses, but little did they know they were at the wrong terminal. It wasn’t until their departure time that they found out that their bus depot was a ten minute cab ride away. The scrambled to get across town but had just missed their bus. Knowing that The Cowboys were scheduled to leave a half hour after them, they hauled ass back to the first depot only to pull up as their bus chugged on down the road. The Cowboys, who knew all along about the other depot but chose to keep it under their ten gallon hats, safely rode into first place. Oh my gravy!

Maybe I’m biased because I’m clearly on Team Big Brother, but I don’t know if I would have checked to see if I were at the right terminal. Usually when you are dropped at a depot you don’t expect that you have to get a cab and go to another depot ten minutes away. I’ve never head of such a thing. But next time I travel by bus I’m definitely going to check. Life lessons courtesy of THE AMAZING RACE.

Detour: Llama Adoration or Condor Consternation

In Llama Adoration, teams had to meet and greet a pen full of stubborn llamas. To complete the challenge, the teams had to choose a llama and place a blanket on its back and a scarf around its neck. Don’t let the llama whispering ways of the Cowboys fool you, these llamas were not pleased to have these people trying to dress them. But this Detour wasn’t much of a challenge for any of the teams. Some llamas decided to take a snooze, easily allowing them to be dressed by the teams. Others put up a bit more of a fuss, but none of the teams really broke a sweat with this challenge.

In Condor Consternation, teams had to dress as birds wearing feet and a 16 ft pair of wings, jump off a dock and soar to reach their clue tethered to a buoy. Soar might be too lofty of a word. Teams really just flopped right down into the freezing cold water. Brent & Caite, Jeff & Jordan, and that father/daughter team who haven’t done enough to make me remember their names, all opted for this flight of fancy, which like the alternative Detour, proved to be a piece of cake.

Speaking of a piece of cake. Would anyone like some Kuchen?

Last night’s Roadblock was equally lame.  If you’re going to have a super easy Detour then at least pair it with an exciting and challenging Roadblock.  Ugh. One member of each team had to walk around a farm and gather the necessary ingredients to make Kuchen, a traditional pie. Other than some unruly cows that didn’t want to be milked, none of the teams really had much of an issue with the challenge. Zzzzzzz……

The Cowboys, who got a jump start on all the teams early on in the leg, maintained their 1st place position right up to the mat.  Yee haw!!

Jody & Shelley (Team Grandma) were Philiminated. Thank God! I’m sorry, but there are so many people that would kill to run this race and a spot was taken up by a grandma that was more concerned with taking in the scenery than really competing, and her granddaughter that was just along for the ride.  I though Jody was going to really show us something this season, but she really didn’t put in much effort. I know, I shouldn’t be mean to old people, but come on. They could have easily stayed in the game if they only gave it a shot.

While I’m looking for San Jose Street (that’s San H-O-S-E), here are a few more thoughts on last night’s episode.

• I’m just about over Jordan & Dan. The brothers are bitchy and annoying.  Who doesn’t learn to drive shift before coming on THE AMAZING RACE? Although I suppose if they did know how to drive we wouldn’t have had this brilliant exchange:

Dan: We kind of had the understanding that Jordan was probably going to be the stick shift driver.
Jordan: That is obviously a fallacy.
Dan: (mocking) That is obviously a fallacy.
Jordan: You used the word fallacy the other day.
Dan: Jordan, I don’t know that word.
Jordan: That’s probably true.

• Despite that words that come out of his mouth, I think that Jeff is smarter than he appears. I’ve seen some good strategic thinking from his during his BIG BROTHER days.  I’m not talking Rhodes Scholar here, but he might surprise you.

• Did anyone get nervous when Jeff asked Jordan to check her watch and tell him what time it was? That’s a crap shoot my friend.

• Not sure why Carol & Brandy insist on telling us at every opportunity how accustomed they are to fancy hotels and cars. Why didn’t you just book a week at the Four Season and call it a day? I was secretly hoping that Carol would fall back into the pixelated cow poop. I’m mean like that.

• Grandma Jody took quite a cow kick to the head. I might have given up right after that.  Oh wait, I would never go on this race to begin with so…

There are always going to be teams that I love and teams that I loathe. What makes or breaks the race for me is the challenges. Here’s to hoping the producers step it up in the weeks to come. I want some danger people…or at least a broken ox.

Thoughts on last night’s THE AMAZING RACE? Any favorite teams yet? Who are you hoping gets Philiminated next? Memorable moments to share?