THE AMAZING RACE: We’d Be Slower with Our Pants Around Our Ankles

I don’t know about you but I really hope the next leg on THE AMAZING RACE doesn’t involve animals. Let’s get back to some adventure, people! It’s called The AMAZING Race not The Lackluster Race. How about a little drama? (That doesn’t involve those two angry women bitching at each other. Can’t we vote them off the island or something?)

For the second leg in a row, Jet & Cord (The Cowboys) dominated the race. Last week I apologized for underestimating them, but it just doesn’t seem like enough. These guys have shown that they really know how to run the race. Once again Jet & Cord made some smart moves. Yes, last night’s challenges were tailor made for them, but that’s not their fault.  At one time or another everyone is going to have an advantage in the race.

Last night the teams started off in Chile but soon boarded buses for a six-hour drive to Argentina. Caite & Brent were especially dreading the bus ride as they spent the beginning part of this leg in the ER, recovering from some kind of stomach bug. (Thank you TAR producers from sparing us gratuitous shots of them puking).

The first bus held the first three teams: Jet & Cord, Joe & Heidi and Carol & Brandy. Upon arriving in Argentina, the teams had to drive to a bar made famous by Butch Cassidy and Sundance. Having sought out an English speaking helped before they boarded the bus, the Cowboys knew exactly where they were going.  They took the lead while the other two teams just followed. Realizing this, the guys decided to pull over and pretend like they were lost, allowing the other teams to go ahead in the hopes they would get lost. I like to call that the Top Gun move (“I’ll hit the brakes, he’ll fly right by.”) Since the bar was easy to find, the maneuver didn’t help them, but it was still a smart move all the same. Color me impressed.

At the bar the teams had to beat the “gnome” in  a hand of 5-card stud. No skill here, it was really just luck of the draw. (Boring!) But that gnome had the edge over the teams as Cord pointed out, “The gnome has got a poker face out of this world. I could never tell if he was bluffing or a straight shooter.” Adding “he should go to Vegas.”

The team and their new friend, Mr. Gnome, then headed off to the first Roadblock at Argentina’s Gaucho Festival. One member of each team was responsible for lassoing a fake bull head attached to a bale of hay 18 feet away. (See my aforementioned comment about tonight’s challenges being tailor made for The Cowboys). Despite arriving third to the Roadblock, Jet finished the challenge on his second attempt, moving him and his partner into first place and the lead.

Carol and Heidi both struggled, but at least Heidi was bearable. Maybe if Carol put half as much effort into the challenge as she did bitching about it, she might have finished a bit earlier.

More than a few teams struggled with this task, most noticeably Monique & Shawne (the Moms) and Louie & Michael (the Detectives).  Jet was embarrassed that it took him two tries to lasso the bull. I wonder how he felt after learning Brent also only took two twirls of the rope to get that bull.

Once each team took the bulls by its horns, it was time for them to move on to the Detour (or as the Cowboys like to say, “deeter”)

In the Detour, teams had to choose between Horse Sense or Horse Power.

In Horse Sense teams received coordinates  and were told to travel a specific number of steps to find a bag of money hidden in the ground. They then had to deliver the bag to a bandit at the train station.  If the number on the bag matches the coordinates they’ll be given their next clue.

Dear Jeff & Jordan, you know I love you, but please start carefully reading the clues.  Team Big Brother could have been near the top of the pack had they not wasted so much time trying to give the bags of money to the gunslinger and not the bandit at the train station.  But I suppose without their blunder, we wouldn’t have heard the line of the season so far: “We definitely shouldn’t reproduce.” Oh Jeff, I j’adore you….”Let’s Dance!”

In Horse Power, teams had to mount wooden horses and move them across a polo field in an attempt to score a goal in 9 swings of the mallet or less. Teams that could stay on the horse and find the best way to use the mallet finished this challenge with ease.  Brothers Dan & Jordan and the Moms – Monique & Shawne took some time getting through this one. Joe did too, but that’s mainly because he couldn’t find a way to stay on the horse. That’s the second week in a row a four-legged creature tried to stop Joe from reproducing.

The Cowboys led the charge to Phil and his glorious mat once again this week.  They were followed by Steve & Allie (who?), Carol & Brandy (yuck), Heidi & Jo (surprisingly not too irritating yet), Jeff & Jordan (Let’s dance!), Dan & Jordan (be gone annoying ones, be gone),  Brent & Caite (kudos for even finishing) and finally Michael & Louie (I don’t want them working my case).  Finishing last and Philiminated tonight were the Moms – Monique & Shawne. Seemed like good people and I was sad to see them go before some of these other yahoos.

A few really quick thoughts while I consider who I hate more….Carol or Brandy.

• With the elimination of the Moms, the only other all female team is Carol and Brandy. My dad and I have a better chance at winning the millions than these fools, and we aren’t even racing. I loathe them. On one hand I want to see them continue to bicker because clearly they are making each other miserable. But since I have to hear it, I want them to just shut it. Here’s to hoping next week is the last week for these two twits.

• Almost as annoying are brother Dan & Jordan. Any chance next week can be a double elimination? Utterly confused as to why these two were cast over the thousands of other applicants.

• Jordan starting at Phil before declaring “I can’t even read you. You scare me.” was classic Jordan. I know there are haters, but she is just a sweet, simple girl (emphasis on the simple).

• Steve & Allie came in second place?  Does anyone else occasionally forget they are even in the competition? Are they really that void of personality that the producers can’t find any reason to put them on screen other than to see Steve fall?  They came in second but I don’t buy them as the dark (and quiet) horses…not yet.

• So many classic Cowboy moments.  My favorite last night was Cord’s response to Phil asking them if their heavy belt buckles impeded them on the race: “We’d be slower with our pants around our ankles.”  Well done!

Thoughts on last night’s challenges? Favorite teams? Who do you want to see sent packing next week? I’m thinking next week might be a non-elimination leg…no?