TRUE BLOOD Recap: 9 Crimes

Rest easy, no necks were turned like corkscrews during the making of this episode.  Humans and vamps were tortured and killed, but that’s all good…as long as everyone’s neck stayed on straight. Only in the world of TRUE BLOOD, I tell ya.

What makes TRUE BLOOD stand out is that it’s a true ensemble show.  Although all the stories are interconnected, each character has their own plot line and motivations.  Sookie is off looking for Bill. Jessica is learning how to be a vampuman (should I copyright that?). Jason is wishing himself in a uniform and badge. Tara is doing her usual thing – getting kicked around by men.  Everyone has their lives to lead, and their worlds don’t just stop because Bill Compton has gone missing.

So just what is everyone in Bon Temps up to lately?  Nothing good. Of that I’m certain.

After weeks of worrying, Sookie finally heard from her beloved Bill, only to have him kick her to the curb. Ouch! From the privileged perspective of the audience, we know that Bill is pushing his woman away in order to keep her safe, but Sookie knows nothing of Bill’s true intentions. That girl was blindsided.  Luckily she has Alcide to take care of her. And if he can’t, there’s always Eric Northman. Come to think of it, I’d rather see Sookie with either (ok, both) of those men than Bill. Sookie has never been more interesting than she has this season, and I think it’s the absence of Bill that makes her watchable. Together they are dullsville, but split them apart and send them on their separate journeys, and not we have something to talk about.

I’m waiting for the day when Sookie “invites Eric in”, but until then I’m loving the interaction between her and Alcide.  For someone so committed to her man, Sookie has a very active imagination. No denying the two have natural chemistry. It’s only a matter of time before she’s asking “Bill who?” Until then, Sookie is intent on searching for her man, even if he says he doesn’t want to ever be found.

I’m sure it’s a crime against the TRUE BLOOD fandom to bring up the TWILIGHT franchise, but come on, this whole vamp/human/werewolf triangle can’t be overlooked.  When Alcide ever said, “It’s a werewolf thing…we run hot.” I was just waiting for Bella Sookie to say, “no, it’s a Jacob Alcide thing.” And people ask why I get my vampire lore confused.

Alcide’s not so recent past came back to haunt him last night when it was revealed that his ex-fiancee, Debi Morgan – a nice girl turned V-addict, was being inducted in to the wolfpack. Alcide’s sister Janie got Sookie all gothed up so she could go under the radar at the vamp bar.  It seemed to work because Patrick Swayze’s brother didn’t even realize it was the same girl he attacked the week before. Nobody puts Sookie in a corner. (R.I.P. Patrick Swayze)

You would think that seeing his V-addicted ex being fed on by a pack of man-wolves would have been the most shocking thing Alcide would encounter at the bar.  Yeah, not so much.  What really threw him for a loop was the reveal that Russell Edington was not only working with the wolves but partaking in their ritual by supplying them with his own blood. But before Alcide could comprehend was he was seeing, he along with all the others in the bar started to shift into their wolf forms.  With only seconds to spare before his transformation was complete, Alcide ordered Sookie to run for her life.

“Ring ring, hookah, ring”
Sorry, Tara can’t come to the phone right now.  She’s busy being glamored, tied up and taken hostage by a vamp named Franklin. She’ll return your call as soon as she can…provided she doesn’t die.

Seriously, does anyone in the world have worse luck than Tara Thornton?  That girl needs to lock herself inside her room and never come out. Ever.

I’m not digging this Tara/Franklin storyline at all.  It’s creepy and manipulative so I’m sure I’m not supposed to be doing cartwheels, but at the same time I’m just a little bored by it all. I know we talked about this on the last TRUE BLOOD podcast, but I feel the writers really need to give Tara a break.  That girl has gone to hell and back.  I need to see her return to a more normal place just a little bit, just enough for me to have sympathy for all she’s going through. Right now I just find her plights trying.

Perhaps things will pick up a bit now that she’s in Memphis and about to come face to face with Bill Compton.

Man, Lafayette really can’t leave his cousin alone for two minutes.

There aren’t many TV twosomes I enjoy more than Lafayette and Eric. I can’t get enough of their banter. I’m glad to see that they’ve gone back in business together as it means more screen time for the pair.

I was quite nervous when Lafayette’s V sale went sour, but damn if Eric didn’t come to his rescue at just the right moment.  That vamp blood connection really does come in handy during tight spots.

Eric got Lafayette out of his jam only to have his own world come crumbling down around him. A panicked Pam called Eric to let him know that Fangtasia had been raided and The Magister had found the illegal V.  Ruh roh. Eric flew off in a rage and got to Fangtasia to find Pam being tortured. The Magister demanded to know where the V came from and who was behind its sale.  Knowing the consequences of betraying the Queen, the quick thinking Pam pointed the finger at Bill Compton. Eric quickly jumped on that advantageous band wagon and said that Bill fled Bon Temps after Eric found out of his activities.

The Magister gave Eric two days to find Mr. Compton or Pam was a dead woman.  Well, more dead than she currently is.

Just as Eric was hanging Bill out to dry, Bill was doing the same thing to Eric.  Keeping up the facade with Russell, Bill revealed that on the Queen’s orders, Eric had been selling V. Bill agrees to continue to work for Russell on one condition – Russell kills Lorena (dead, dead). I’m all for that! Can’t stand that vamptress. Bill continues to show Russell his allegiance by “procuring” a woman for Russ and Lorena to feast on. But just to let us all know that the Bill we know isn’t really gone, he first made sure the woman didn’t have a husband, kids, or any close family that would miss her when she was gone.  What a sentimental fool.

Meanwhile, back in Bon Temps things are relatively quiet (there, I just jinxed the whole town). Arlene’s hormones are driving everyone crazy.  Sam offers to help lighten her workload by bringing in Jessica as a hostess.  More Jessica…YAY! Unfortunately for Jess, a guy she knew during her “alive years” recognized her and was excited to tell her parents that she was alive after all.  Oh boy.  Needing to cover her tracks, Jessica glamoured her friend to believe that he never saw her.  She was kind and gentle, but insistent that he couldn’t reveal her secret.  Unfortunately, while they were having this heart to non-beating heart, Hoyt saw them and misinterpreted what was going on. Poor Hoyt.

Jason was being Jason. After confronting the local high school football star, he was more focused than ever on making something of his life.  Despite not being able to pass any of the tests, Jason was determined to become a police officer.  And if the only way for that to happen was to blackmail the newly appointed chief of police, Andy, then so be it.

And in the most boring story being played out on TRUE BLOOD, Sam’s family is still hanging around.  Now homeless, Sam offers to help them out as long as they promise to stay clean, sober and out of his hair. Yeah, right. Yawn.

One last thing. Enough with the fantasies. Isn’t it about time Eric and Sookie just got to business?  We’ve been teased so much that when the two finally do rip each other’s clothes off, we’re not going to believe what we’re seeing. Talk about the boy who cried wolf (or perhaps the girl who screamed vamp.) I don’t mean to complain. I don’t mind seeing Eric Northman getting all worked up week to week, but enough already.

A satisfactory episode of TRUE BLOOD. It didn’t have the energy of the first two episodes, but they’re laying the ground work for the rest of the season, so I’m fine with that.

I could be mistaken, but I don’t think Eric or Jason were shirtless last night. Were they? Can we do something about that next week?

A few notable quotables from last night’s TRUE BLOOD

• Bill: “I’ve left my life in Bon Temps, and I’m leaving you.”
  Sookie: “Shut the fuck up.”

• Alcide: “No matter how well you think you know somebody, he can still turn around and kick you right in the nut sack.”
  Sookie: “I don’t have a nut sack…”

• Sookie to Eric: “I’ve got skills you can’t even dream of, cowboy.”

• Sam’s Mom: “Sometimes I think that boy’s cheese done fell right off his cracker.”

• Sookie: “I want to look like I can kick some serious ass. Which I can.”

• Eric: “I think I’ll kill all your brother cousins first.”

• “I’m a vampire, not a fucking idiot.”

• Eric to Lafayette: “Let’s go RuPaul.”

Thoughts on last night’s TRUE BLOOD. Are you like where the characters are going?  Share your thoughts in the comments below.

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