Insanity Reigns at THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW JERSEY Reunion

Caroline Manzo wasn’t kidding when likened last night’s REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW JERSEY reunion to the O.K. Corral. Guns were blazing early and the verbal bullets didn’t stop for the entire hour.

Danielle, Caroline, Teresa and Jacqueline gathered in the same room together for the first time since last year’s explosive reunion. Next time these ladies get together scientists should perhaps come in and try to bottle their energy. It would be one way to solve the energy crisis.

Teresa and Jacqueline were especially feisty tonight, looking for every opportunity to take a job at Danielle.  (Please don’t mistake that for judgment. As batshit crazy as I think Teresa is, Danielle is clearly off her rocker.) The show had barely started when Teresa and Danielle got into an altercation that was one Lee Press On Nail away from assault.  Terri G. was so far up Danielle’s grill she could probably smell her breath (which had to be nasty because we all know where Danielle’s mouth has been over the years). Not even Andy Cohen could calm Gia’s mom down. Hell, Teresa threw Andy over like he was a table (oh come on, you knew that was coming).

Danielle stormed off the set while Teresa continued to spew obscenities at her former friend. Terri was pissed. Seriously, sista was in the zone. Her rage was so intense that by looking in her eyes you could tell she mentally checked out for a minute (although then again this is Teresa and some could argue she’s been mentally checked out for most of her adult life.) There was no calming her down. Where was Joe when you needed him? I’m sure he could have seduced her with his tight tee shirts and all would have been “Fabulous!”.

The best part of the altercation was when Andy tried to coax Danielle back to the set by promising that he wouldn’t allow Teresa to get off the couch. Right. Teresa threw Raggedy Andy down as easily as she throws down money on gold lame, but know he thinks he can control her. Oh Raggedy.

Being a card carrying member of Team Manzo, I didn’t object to Andy Cohen making Danielle look like the trash (or is garbage the right term?) that she is, but I will admit that it did feel a little one-sided. There was an entire segment devoted to the question of whether Danielle was the ‘Victim’ or the ‘Villain’. The clip package opened with her talking trash about the other housewives to her priest and ended with her spread eagle on a stripper pole. Tell me that the Bravo producers didn’t have a story they were trying to tell.  Then again, as Mama Manzo said, you really can’t blame the editing.

As for my favorite Jersey housewife, Caroline did a nice job channeling a referee, a mediator, and when it was called for, Carmela Soprano.  Have I mentioned my love for all things Caroline Manzo…and by extension, the entire Manzo family? Oh and speaking of, I cried yet again when sweet Albie broke down to his mother about getting kicked out of law school.  If I’m going to cry during RHONJ it should be because I’m forced to listen to Danielle’s daughter sing again and for no other reason. (Wait, is talking about the children against the rules? My bad.)

Since I’ve already gone there…If there is one thing I think we can all agree on, it’s that Danielle’s kids seem more normal than is expected of them, given their trainwreck of a mother. Tonight the humiliation of Christine and Jillian raged on as the talk of Danielle’s sex tape – um excuse me, sex tapes – took up an entire segment.  You gotta love how Danielle thinks her kids aren’t really all that aware or affected by her behavior.  Meanwhile, Jacqueline is claiming that Danielle’s girls cry at school everyday.  Well, duh, Jac…they have to see Danielle every morning sans makeup. You’d end up in tears too.

I bet Andy Cohen was wishing he brought Danny Provenzano along for protection when it got time to grill Teresa about her finances. Yikes! It wasn’t pleasant to watch, but Bravo did nothing to shy away from it. Hell, they opened the segment by showing Teresa’s extravagant ways. No sense in sugar coating it, right? I will give her this – I think Teresa handled the line of questions extremely well, saying at the end of the day it’s not about money or fancy houses, it’s about family. Aw, Terri. Now go buy Gia some acting classes.

In this first part of the reunion, the housewives touched on quite a few topics, including the exit of Ms. Dina. Scandal! The women all claim that Dina wasn’t lying when she said she left the show to get Danielle out of her life. But maybe there was something more to it. If you remember back to last year’s RHONJ reunion, all the ladies became very hostile with Danielle over an issue that no one was willing to talk about. It’s what led Caroline to call Danielle garbage (the first time). Well, allegedly Danielle did something to try to get Dina’s daughter taken away from her. Or something horrible like that. They couldn’t really get into it because there was some kind of gag order in effect. Caroline shut the conversation down, so we don’t know really what happened. But I can say that as we watched it play out on the show, Dina chimed in on Twitter.

@dinamanzo: just to be clear ~I NEVER HAD TO FIGHT FOR MY DAUGHTER…EVER

@dinamanzo: Really just wish they would ALL leave my daughter out of this. I asked them to NOT bring her up at all. Not cool

There really wasn’t a subject matter discussed that didn’t end in profanity laden outbursts. Yeah, it was that good. But I have to say, my favorite quote of the night came from Mama Manzo. The incident with Danielle at the Brownstone came up and Caroline got all kinds of firey…and I’m not just talking about her hair. After showing the clip of Danny P. and his “entourage” reeking havoc at the Brownstone, Caroline turns to Danielle and says: “You came into my place of business looking to cause a problem. You brought danger to my son in the shape of that sweathog reject, ‘Okay, Mr. Kot-ter or whatever the hell his name is fool. Your intent was to come and cause a scene to try and defame my husband.” Ha ha ha ha!

No idea where the ‘Welcome Back Kotter’ reference stemmed from, but it was so funny I had to rewatch it three times. They only way it could have been better was if I was in NJ watching that scene playout with Christopher and Albie Manzo, who were no doubt laughing their asses off and applauding their mother. And then they probably threw ham at her.

As explosive as tonight’s finale was, I don’t feel like we even got to the good stuff. The hair pulling. The country club. Kim G and all her nastiness. The Danielle/Caroline showdown. Oh so much goodness still to come.

Next week: Danielle pulls a head out of a bag.

Please tell me you watched the reunion? I’m going to feel all kinds of silly if I was the only one watching (ok, I’m really not going to feel silly at all, but I still want to talk about it with someone. Anyone?) Favorite moments? Surprised as I was that Jacqeline found her spine? Who is more batshit crazy – Danielle or Teresa?