SURVIVOR: ‘Company Will Be Arriving Soon’…Better Hide the Good China

My many apologies SURVIVOR fans for my recent absence. About three weeks ago, I got lost on my way back from Tribal Council and I’ve been wandering the island aimlessly ever since. Thankfully I stumbled across Probst, who was of course sunbathing on the beach, and he caught me up on the events of the past few weeks. So now that I’m back, I’m ready to talk a little SURVIVOR. Hope you are too…because it’s time for “The Merge”!

Yes, tonight the former tribes known as La Flor and Espada dissolved and a new tribe was formed with the remaining castaways. When it was time to choose a new moniker, Marty promptly suggested ‘Libertad’ (to read the word doesn’t do it justice, you really need Marty’s over-the-top Spanish pronunciation). Clearly the guy has been thinking about this since before he even arrived on the island. Whatevs, no one else had anything on the ready and as such the Libertad Tribe was formed.

The new tribe was treated to a feast of bread, cookies, rum and other delights. Glad they ate well because the next morning some of their treats started to disappear. NaOnka — being the evil, psycho, witch that she is — stole flour, fruit, pots and pans and hid them for herself. During a little one-on-one time with Na, Alina was shown the loot. Rather than run back and expose NaOnka, she stuffed her mouth with fruit and suddenly became an accomplice. Na thought she was hot shit stealing that stuff.

What Na didn’t know was that Holly saw her walk off with the flour. After Holly called her out for stealing, Na adamantly denied any wrongdoing. Um, what?! With every single episode, it amazes me more and more that NaOnka is actually a person that lives in the world. She has a family and people that choose to be her friends in real life. Fascinating. You can tell me she’s choosing to play the part of the villain this season, but there is no way to convince me that NaOnka treats people any better off the island.

Eventually Na is backed into a corner and fessed up with some bullshit claim that she took the flour so she could ration it for later as she thought the tribe was eating too much. Marty tries to call her on her lies, but others looked like they really believed her. Are these people that dumb or did they have other fish to fry and didn’t want an even bigger target on Na’s back? Someone steals the camp’s limited food and it’s not a big deal? What the what?!

At the immunity challenge, it was every man for himself…and every woman for herself. The survivors had to hold two metal handles that kept tension on a steel bar. Once the tension was released, the steel bar dropped and broke the tile below, eliminating that contestant. The last man and the last woman standing would win Immunity and be safe at tribal council.

From the comfort of my couch, this looked like an easy challenge. But when tiles were being broken just seconds into the competition, it was clear that this was a bit tougher than it appeared. One by one, the ladies were eliminated with Jane left as the last woman standing. Having already won Immunity, this tough broad — who happens to be the oldest contestant in the game — opted to stay in the competition to see if she could outlast the guys (Okay, she just really wanted to beat Marty). When Chase dropped his bar, Fabio was the only guy left, ensuring him Immunity. (And yes, Jane was still standing strong next to Fabio right up until the end.)

With two castaways out of the running for elimination, the tribe quickly focused in on two potential candidates for eviction — Alina and Marty. Jane was heading up the Marty charge while seemingly everyone else opted to go with the majority. Sash jumped in and pleaded for Marty. If Marty was on the block, then Sash would have had to give him the Immunity idol. He really didn’t want to do that.

At Tribal Council, Marty asked Probst for the conch shell and proceeded to go on a tirade, berating ‘Miss Jane’. That gave Jane the opportunity to publicly call Marty out on a few things. Fabio asked why they weren’t targeting the woman that stole from them! (You know Fabio, for a complete dumb ass, you can be smart at times.)

After Jeff tallied the votes, we found out that only Jane and Alina exercised their right to get rid of Marty while the rested voted off the “100% Grade A Dirt Squirrel” Alina. She is the first jury member of the season.

Was Alina the right person to go home this week? Did the tribe make the right call? I’m figuring that people are tolerating NaOnka because everyone (except Fabio) wants to bring her to the end, figuring she wouldn’t garner votes from the jury. Am I missing something here? Is there any other reason to keep that wretched girl around?

I haven’t been able to talk SURVIVOR with anyone in a few weeks. I’d love to hear your thoughts.

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