MODERN FAMILY Recap: ‘Regrets Only’

No one was happy on MODERN FAMILY last night.  From Phil having no idea what he and Claire were fighting about, to Jay throwing a spoon in the garbage disposal, so he didn’t have to hear Gloria sing with her new karaoke machine, to Cameron being livid that Mitchell didn’t send the invitations to his party, it was not the night you would want to spend with them in real life.

It was another Claire and Phil-centric episode, which are not particularly my favorite. They had a fight, but Phil had no idea what it was about, which is typical Phil. And it turns out it wasn’t buying the wrong vegetable or making a coffee date with an ex-girlfriend that set Claire off, but rather a wedge salad that drove a wedge (badum chh!) between them.  I bet Julie Bowen and Ty Burrell had fun filming the fight scene – I know I would! Throwing vegetables around the house?  Breaking microwaves?  Spraying each other with a fire extinguisher?! C’mon – so fun! And I absolutely loved Phil giving Claire not just any flower, but a cauliflower at Haley’s fake job.

Oh, Haley.  Scamming your parents out of money to buy you a car is so perfect. And even though Alex figured out her trick, Haley was lucky her mom is prone to outbursts in public (as previously witnessed when she got a massage at the mall) that got her fake fired from her fake job at a restaurant. And I just knew Phil was going to order the wedge salad when they went to visit her at “work.”

I loved Phil pulling out the family album at Cam and Mitchell’s party. I guess Claire has a thing for guys with earrings (see last week)!  It was sweet Phil actually listens to her opinion on things that matter, not just the deliciousness of said salad or the plot of a novel. So in the end, the lesson is to listen to your wife, Phil! She’s usually right!

Jay, however, was not right in buying Gloria a karaoke machine as a gift.  Sofia Vergara’s screeching and squawking singing was hilarious and is exactly why I don’t sing karaoke. I love that he was too much of a coward to tell her how horrible she was and Manny had to do it. It turns out Ed O’Neill himself doesn’t have too bad of a voice – he should sing more!  A very special MODERN FAMILY musical episode, perhaps? But then we’d have to hear Gloria again…never mind.

Cameron and Mitchell were bickering in this episode, too.  I feel like they’ve been having a bunch of petty fights lately.  Anybody else agree?  I hope that stops soon because I don’t like it.  Do you hear me, powers that be? Anyway, Mitchell failed to mail invitations to Cameron’s charity concert.  After finding out, Cameron was worried the only attendees would be anger, betrayal, terror and sadness. But Mitchell saved the day by inviting the family and it turns out, there were more guests at the party than were at Cameron’s arch nemesis Andrew’s party the previous year.  Success!

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to make a wedge salad and listen to some Cello Submarine, but I’ll leave you with some favorite lines and moments:

• Gloria – “I do Jay, why can’t I do you?”

• Cameron – “It is amazing what you notice and don’t notice.”

• Phil – “Happy Valenbirthaversary!” (my absolute favorite line of the night!)

• Gloria and the various ways she’ll “keel you.”

• Jay – “Y’know, when you get a massage, you sound like a Tijuana prostitute.”

• I loved all of Cameron’s friends’ names!  Including the throwbacks to Longinus and Pepper, there was LaMichael, Steven and Stefon and of course Bob.

• Haley ordering drinks for her family at the restaurant and when the waitress looked at her funny, throwing in an “I’m pregnant.”

• Jay – “She sang all the way here.  We passed two cars and the dogs stuck their heads back inside the window.”

• Phil, after falling asleep at the concert – “Haaarrrps!” (clap, clap)

• Manny – “Coward!  COWARD!”

Let me know your thoughts in the comments!