RINGER Recap: ‘Shut Up and Eat Your Bologna’

Welcome back, RINGER fans.

Tuesday’s episode of RINGER may be my favorite episode of the series yet. Why? I’m not quite sure — especially since we saw (spoiler alert) the reappearance of a hated character and Jason Dohring was nowhere to be seen (tragic).

Maybe it’s because Malcolm finally got to do something useful, or maybe it’s because Andrew and Bridget are finally acting like a married couple.

Ok, we all know the truth as to why I loved this episode: We finally saw Henry and Gemma’s twins, and they are adorable, red-headed babies. I’m a sucker for gingers.

I’m joking — sort of.

Let’s get down to business, shall we? So shut up, eat your bologna and keep reading.

The episode starts with Andrew and Bridget actually kissing. And this wasn’t just a peck I’m talking about — there was full-on making out. I don’t think I realized before this moment how much of a fan of this couple I am, but gosh darn it, these two crazy kids are so cute together.

Andrew suggests he and Bridget take a romantic vacation. Bridget, being the commoner she is, suggests they go to a place the rich wouldn’t dare set foot in, and Andrew has a good laugh over it.

Aside from that, Andrew has another surprise for Bridget: Her wedding dress that darling Juliet cut up. As Bridget puts the dress away, we see the gun on the closet shelf. We flashback to six weeks ago, when Bridget is hiding out in a motel in Rock Springs, WY. She’s being guarded by agents, and one, Jimmy, comes into her bedroom and tells her she needs to run away. He says she’s not safe because half of the agents protecting her are on Macawi’s payroll. That’s definitely not good.

She tells Jimmy she will go to her sister’s place, and even though she refuses the gun he offers her, he puts it in her bag when she’s not looking. We then see Bridget a day later at Siobhan’s beach house, where she finds the gun in her bag. That Jimmy!

Back in the present, Bridget calls Charlie and asks if he knows how to throw away a gun. Subtle, Bridget. He offers to take care of it for her, and she accepts. As he’s talking to Bridget, Charlie mentions Malcolm is back at his apartment while he’s at the library. But we actually see Charlie unlocking a random door wherever he is, but it’s definitely not the library. The door opens to reveal a basement, and we see that Gemma is alive (!) and tied up. He’s brought her lunch — so sweet!

At his NA meeting, Malcolm says he’s six days sober, which wouldn’t have been possible without Charlie. He adds that it’s easy to believe there are no good people left, but Charlie proved him wrong. Too bad Charlie actually didn’t, but I’ll get to that later.

After the meeting, Bridget and Malcolm get coffee, and Bridget tells Malcolm about giving the gun to Charlie. Malcolm questions her decision, saying she needs the gun for protection. Bridget argues that the gun is evidence, so she doesn’t want it around. She adds that she wants to be truthful with Andrew, and if he found the gun, he’d realize she isn’t being honest.

Malcolm reasonably points out that Bridget is impersonating Andrew’s dead wife, so the honesty ship has pretty much sailed. Touché, Malcolm. He adds that Bridget’s Prince Charming fantasy is supposed to be temporary. Bridget responds that she doesn’t want to leave until she finds out who wanted to hurt Siobhan.

At the apartment, Bridget looks through Siobhan’s things to try to figure out who’s after Siobhan. She finds a pill bottle (I’m guessing the same one Siobhan put her wedding rings in?), and sees the doctor’s name on it.

Bridget makes an appointment and goes to see the doctor, who’s a psychiatrist. The doctor wants to know why “Siobhan” is calling herself Siobhan. Bridget, since Tyler called her Cora last week, figures out Siobhan made appointments under that name, so she replies that she’s a new Siobhan — no aliases required.

The doctor sees that Siobhan’s a little off today: She’s calling herself by her real name, sitting in the wrong chair and much quieter than usual. Will wonders ever cease?! Bridget says the reasons for her changed behavior are that things are better with Andrew, she broke up with Henry and Juliet actually likes her. The doctor is amazed at “Siobhan’s” progress and says it’s as though she’s transformed her life. Get the irony?

The doctor wants to know why “Siobhan” felt the need to come in if she’s doing so well. Bridget says something felt different this morning, and that’s when she realizes she’s falling in love with Andrew. At this moment, I had the mixed reactions of “Yay!” and “Well, duh.”

Bridget ends up talking about Andrew until the session ends. She says she likes the way he seems so surprised when she acts nicely toward him, which is actually kind of sad when you think about it. She adds that she wants to keep surprising him. Uh oh –someone’s getting too attached.

As Bridget leaves, she asks the doctor if she needs more medicine. The doctor replies that she doesn’t need any more antidepressants, even though she didn’t prescribe them for depression.

After the appointment, Bridget is waiting around in the lobby of the doctor’s office building when she gets a call from Malcolm. Malcolm tells Bridget he’s worried Charlie is using again since Charlie had some mouthwash in the bathroom. He adds that Charlie doesn’t have many clothes, and he discovered the batteries in the remote are still shrink-wrapped — even though Charlie says he’s lived there for months.

Bridget gets distracted when she sees the doctor leaving her office, so she tells Malcolm she’ll call him back. Bridget is able to sneak back into the doctor’s office, and even though she manages to get Siobhan’s file, the doctor finds her and escorts her out.

When Bridget looks at Siobhan’s file, we see Siobhan was paranoid and had trouble sleeping. There is also a note that Siobhan thought someone was stalking her. What catches Bridget’s eye, though, is the name of a church.

Before she can go there, Bridget meets Andrew for lunch. They’re being as cute as usual when Andrew asks Bridget how she would feel if doing the right thing meant they lost everything (more on this later). Bridget says she’d stand with him no matter what, even if they lost most of what they owned. How Andrew could not have realized Bridget isn’t Siobhan at this moment, I will never understand. If I were him (yes, I realize he’s a fictional character), I’d at least take “Siobhan” to the hospital to make sure she didn’t have a concussion or something. I guess love is really is blind.

At Charlie’s apartment, Malcolm searches through Charlie’s jacket as Charlie takes a shower. Malcolm finds Charlie’s wallet, which suspiciously has nothing in it except a mailbox key. Malcolm later opens the mailbox at the apartment complex to see a letter addressed to a John Delario.

Meanwhile, Bridget is at the “church” listed on Siobhan’s file, which turns out to actually be a bar or club. That Siobhan — always keeping it classy. Who else is there? Charlie, who conveniently tells the bartender he hasn’t had a drink in five days. The bartender conveniently calls him John, revealing to Bridget that Charlie is definitely not who he says he is.

As she’s spying on Charlie, some creepy guy approaches Bridget, asking if she needs help. She asks him if he’s ever seen Charlie there with her before. He says no and that Charlie usually comes alone.

When he leaves the “church,” Charlie calls Siobhan (who I’m guessing is still in Paris?). He says Malcolm’s clean and isn’t willing to give anything up. He adds that he only has so much room in his basement. (For the love of TV gods, please don’t tie up and torture Malcolm again.) Charlie says he has what Siobhan was worried about, Bridget’s gun, and they mention that the cop who gave it to Bridget was hired by Siobhan.

After Bridget leaves the church, she meets up with Malcolm to talk about Charlie. Bridget thinks Charlie may be the one after Siobhan since he never met up with her at the “church” and Siobhan thought someone was stalking her. Malcolm mentions that Charlie has another address, which was given in the letter found in the mailbox. I guess Malcolm doesn’t know it’s rude to open other people’s mail, but I’ll let it slide considering the circumstances.

Before I get to episode’s great ending, I’ll mention what Andrew and Olivia were up to throughout the hour. They’re definitely up to something, which I wouldn’t be surprised if it turned out to be a Ponzi scheme. At the beginning of the episode, Andrew and Olivia get Henry to sign reinvestment papers. (Side note: Twins!!!) Henry, in front of the kids, mentions that Gemma’s rich dad isn’t handling Gemma’s disappearance so well. Seriously, he says this while holding his kid, so he’s literally talking into his son’s ear as he mention that 1) Grandpa’s going crazy and 2) Your mom has disappeared. And Father of the Year goes to …

I digress.

Anyway, Olivia, Andrew’s business partner, is being the kind soul she is and keeps insisting that they need to get Gemma’s dad to invest in their company. She says it’s the perfect time to go after him because he’s weak. She warns Andrew that two of six investors landed in the past month have pulled out of the company, so he “knows what could happen” if they don’t get more people to invest.

After Andrew’s lunch with Bridget, when she tells him she’ll stand by him no matter what, he informs Olivia that they aren’t going after Gemma’s dad — even if it means they’ll end up broke. Of course, Olivia’s not happy about this, and she mysteriously tears up the forms Henry signed.

Olivia goes to see Henry and asks him to resign the papers, telling him he missed a page, and she and Henry have a bit of a heart-to-heart. She mentions that even though she and Andrew had been on the same page, he has since lost his killer instinct due to his and “Siobhan’s” rekindled romance. They want to know why Andrew and Siobhan had such a change of heart.

Before they can figure it out, though, one of Henry’s sons starts to cry. As Henry goes upstairs to comfort him, Olivia manages to look at Henry’s phone for Gemma’s dad’s phone number. This guy is apparently impossible to reach, so she needs to use Henry to get to him. While looking for the number, Olivia stumbles upon a picture of Siobhan and Henry together — looking all cute and like a couple. Olivia, realizing she’s hit the jackpot, emails the picture to herself and leaves.

Finally, at the end of the hour, Bridget meets with Charlie as Malcolm breaks into Charlie’s mysterious second house/apartment. As Charlie tells Bridget he was looking into Gemma’s disappearance again, she randomly zones out while looking at his eyes and lips. I know he’s cute, but get ahold of yourself, Bridget!

I’m just kidding — of course, she’s zoning out because she realizes Charlie’s lying. She finally snaps out of it and asks Charlie why he’s done so much for her. She adds that giving him the gun was too much to ask of him, and she wants it back because she doesn’t feel safe anymore due to Gemma’s disappearance. Charlie’s obviously confused, but he says he’ll give it back to her in a day or so.

As Malcolm’s in Charlie’s house, he looks around for any suspicious evidence. He doesn’t find anything until he sees the door with the lock on it. Bingo. Charlie’s keys are conveniently on the counter, but Malcolm can’t get them to open the lock. Meanwhile, Gemma realizes someone’s there, and she shuffles around in the chair she’s tied to and falls over. This made me laugh with glee — I really hate Gemma.

Charlie tells Bridget he has to leave, and even though she tries to stall him, he eventually goes. Bridget texts Malcolm that Charlie is on his way, so Malcolm puts the keys back on the counter. Before Malcolm leaves, he finds a phone on the counter, so he naturally takes it with him. How many phones do these people have?! This will be mysterious phone #2, and we aren’t even half way through the first season.

After Charlie leaves Bridget, he calls Siobhan and says, “Siobhan, she’s on to me.” Uh oh. Evil twin will not be pleased about this.

A few other notable things…

• Was Jimmy telling the truth when he said half of the agents on the force were being paid by Macawi? That would be a great twist, but how much can we trust him if he was hired by Charlie and Siobhan? And if it’s true, could Victor be bad? Victor and Macawi had an intense stare-off a few weeks back. I thought it meant that the gauntlet had been thrown, but maybe they were just acknowledging each other in some weird way? Or maybe they were just checking each other out.
• I found it amusing that the doctor said “Siobhan” was never quiet during meetings, especially since Siobhan’s phone conversations last all of 10 seconds.
• I think I will keep calling Charlie “Charlie”? Or should I call him “John”? Or “Charlie/John”? Or maybe he goes by “Cora,” too?

Well, RINGERs (no, I don’t think this works. Oh well, I tried), there’s no new episode until Nov. 29, which is also the midseason finale. Will Gemma finally get the axe (Merry Christmas to me)? Will Malcolm keep having purpose? Will Andrew find out about Siobhan’s affair? Will we see those cute twins again?!