GLEE’s “Extraordinary Merry Christmas” – To Love and Loathe…The Internal Battle

I’ve been a very good girl this year, so how about for Christmas you don’t force me to articulate my thoughts on tonight’s GLEE holiday-themed episode. It’s would make for the Best.Christmas.Ever.

No?

Bah humbug.

Ok. So how are we going to do this?

Remember when Kurt performed “Le Jazz Hot” and he dressed up as half-man and half-woman? Well tonight I’m going to borrow that fabulous costume from my main gay in order to properly articulate my conflicting feelings about tonight’s holiday-themed episode of GLEE.

Meet Kath – she’s the lover of all things GLEE. A fangirl at heart, she rises and shines every Friday morning just to get an early earful of the songs from the next episode. On that same day each week she refreshes her email every few minutes hoping that Fox has announced that an early screener of next week’s episode has gone online…because Tuesday is just too far away. Her iPod doesn’t go a day an hour without some GLEE cover bursting through its speakers. She knows that GLEE doesn’t end on Tuesday nights at 9pm – it’s only complete when Jim Cantiello says it is. Kath believes that in due time, the power of Klaine’s love will be responsible for world peace.

Meet Kathleen – she spends her time contemplating how much she could better society if she could just quit GLEE.  A realist, Kathleen recognizes that GLEE is perhaps the most flawed show on television. She rolls her eyes at the inability of the writing staff to maintain any consistency from week-to-week with plot line or character development, and raises her fist in fury when they make it abundantly clear that they just make shit up as they go along (Blaine Anderson, a Junior? Yeah, she’s not letting that one go anytime soon.) Kathleen wishes she could lock Ryan Murphy in a room and throw away the key, because given the chance, even with her clear lack of writing talent (see this post) Kathleen still thinks she could pull off better storylines than The Wizard of McKinley High.

So here’s Kath and Kathleen’s take on GLEE’s “Extraordinary Merry Christmas”…

You’re invited to Kurt and Blaine’s for Christmas

Kath says…
Screw you friends and family, THIS is the only invitation I care about this holiday season. An homage to the classic Christmas specials of years past, I thoroughly enjoyed my evening in the perfectly appointed living room of bachelors and best friends – Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson. A visit to their chic, swank chalet is all this girl needed to get into the holiday spirit. The gentlemen were the perfect hosts welcoming their friends and all of us into their home and their hearts with their lovely melodies and Christmas cheer. The dapper twosomes take on the classic “Let is Snow” was so adorable and charming that my only care was whether I risked permanent injury from smiling so much. More than ever I’m ready for the GLEE spinoff featuring the wacky adventures of those “holiday roommates” – Kurt and Blaine. Sorry, but I can’t spend any more time talking about this. There are animated gifs a plenty just waiting for me to view them over on Tumblr. I’m coming OTP…wait for me. (Wink.)

Kathleen says…
What the F#$K was that?! That was perhaps the corniest thing GLEE has ever aired, and GLEE owns the market on corny. While the old-timely holiday special worked for the opening musical number, it quickly became like an SNL skit that just didn’t know when to end. Although I’m sure it was quite intentional, the cheese piled on top of the cheese was almost too much to take. Kurt being that over the top is one thing, but I didn’t need to see one more wink or eyebrow pop from Darren Criss (Kath says: ‘Insult Darren? How dare you!’) Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson have never been more gay, and that’s including that time they had sex. I’m not sure what kind of notes director Matthew Morrison gave during this scene but he should have reminded the actors to pull back just a bit. And to be honest, I would have almost enjoyed the black and white ‘special’ a bit more had the writers had the restraint not include the ridiculous STAR WARS bit. It was either Coco Chanel (or Kurt Hummel) that advised that when accessorizing, take off the last thing you put on. Less is more sometimes GLEE writers. The holiday special would have been enough of a side step on its own without muddying it up even more with the arrival of (not) Luke Skywalker and (not) Han Solo.

All that being said, I have to say even the Scrooge me in liked the idea of the local Ohio PBS watching audience being treated to a Christmas special featuring two gay boys, a black woman and a Jew. Rick Perry doesn’t approve, but I sure as hell do.

Rory is Having a Blue Christmas
Kath says…
It’s time like these when I especially want GLEE to be real, if only to invite sweet Rory to spend the holidays with my family. He’d love it here in Boston. We’ve got lots of Irish people stumbling around. I’m glad Rory has caught on to the New Directions style of therapy – singing through your pain. His version of “Blue Christmas” was as rich and velvety as an Elvis painting. I’m not sure I’ll ever truly understand how the chippy Irish guy with an accent so thick I can hardly understand him with my sub-titles turned on, can sound so amazingly different when he starts singing.  I thought it was super sweet the way Sam befriended Rory and invited him to spend holidays with the Evans family, despite only knowing Rory for such a short amount of time. Future besties?

Kathleen says…
You don’t even know this kid and you invited him to your house for the holidays? Without even asking your parents? Sam, that’s another mouth to feed, and given that just last week you were stripping to support Bo Duke and the rest of your family, you should probably thought about that before you invited Rory. Alright, I can let that one slide. While I agree with Kath that I’d love to see Sam and Rory continue on as friends, I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that the writers will forget about this holiday male-bonding by the time the next episode rolls around.  Let’s not forget that this is the same show that conveniently forgot that Mercedes and Quinn were so close that Quinn moved in with the Jones’ while she was pregnant. As for Rory, yeah he is adorable beyond words, but are they going to give the kid anything to do besides walking around looking like a kicked puppy?

Sue Sylvester – the Angel of Christmas or the Grinch Once More?
Kath says…
Now this is the Sue Sylvester I love. Sassy but with a heart. Sue’s jabs are always easier to take when she’s balancing out her spitfire tongue with a hint of true emotion. Asking the glee club to sing as the homeless shelter probably took a lot for Sue and she looked truly disappointed when they blew off their commitment for the spotlight of local television. It’s not often you see Sue Sylvester truly happy, but happy she was when Tiny Tim in a chair and his friends showed up in the nick of time with a turkey and a song.

Kathleen says…
I’m with Kath on actually liking Sue’s contribution tonight. But once again the writers oh so conveniently flip flop on Sue’s relationship with the glee club. I thought the hatchet was buried along with her sister during the funeral the the glee kids organized last year, but since the writers have no clue what to do with Sue Sylvester if she’s not hating on the gleeks, they keep going back to what they know. It’s tired and lazy.

All Rachel Berry Wants For Christmas is…Things
It’s not every day that Kath and Kathleen agree when it comes to GLEE, but when the subject at hand it how obnoxious and greedy Rachel was tonight, we are most definitely on the same page. We get it. The writers had to really turn up the volume on Rachel’s foul behavior in order for her selfless act of giving (cough *bullshit* cough) to seem like some kind of character growth. And it might have worked…if this was the very first episode of GLEE back in season one and we were meeting Rachel Berry for the first time.  What the writers failed to account for was Rachel’s maturity and growth through these three seasons. Yes, Rachel Berry can be self-centered and she’ll sometimes discount the feelings of the ones she loves, but her acts have almost always been in the name of becoming the star she knows she will someday be. For her to be a greedy bitch in demanding presents from Finn for the sake of being adorned with gifts was actually out of character for Rachel.  It’s one thing for a Jewish girl to expect a Christmas gift from her boyfriend, but why was Rachel insisting on five gifts when there are eight days of Chanukah? If you’re going to be greedy, Rachel might as well really go for it. Only redeeming part of this particular storyline? Finn’s “I’m dating a Kardashian” line. Hilarious!

Well, it’s about time we wrap up the gift that is the holiday episode of GLEE and give it to you in a small, maroon box.

Oh come on now, you didn’t think I would forget THAT would you?

What’s in the F#@%ING Box?
For those of you whose relationship with GLEE begins and ends with the weekly episode, I’ll let you in on a little secret. Promotional pictures from tonight’s episode were released about a week ago. One of those pictures showed Kurt opening up a small ring box given to him by Blaine. GLEEks and Klainers waited all week to find out what’s in the box. Unfortunately, that scene was cut from the episode much to dismay (is dismay the right word?) of outraged fans.

Our friends over at TVLine.com were able to get the scoop as to just what Blaine gave Kurt for Christmas.

…sources confirm that had the present been opened in the episode, viewers would’ve seen Blaine give Kurt a… ring. And not just any ring. A homemade ring made of gum wrappers. Blaine explains that financial issues prevented him from giving Kurt what he really wanted — an item from the Elizabeth Taylor collection…

Hmm. Blaine is having financial issues? Could have fooled me with all the designer clothes he wears. And what about all the money the Andersons are saving now that they don’t have to pay Dalton’s steep tuition? It’s already been established that Blaine’s family is wealthy so I wonder if the cut scene may have hinted at tough times for the Andersons (yeah, the writers are giving Blaine a storyline that doesn’t involve being Kurt’s boyfriend)  OR the writers thought it would be more convenient for the here and now if Blaine was a pauper. It wouldn’t be the first time they just changed Blaine’s storyline to fit their current needs (and with that I got in my two mandatory ‘Blaine is a junior now, WTF’ necessary for every GLEE post.)

Alright since I’ve officially lost my mind (me, too!) [Quick – someone hire us as writers on GLEE!] I think it’s best if we just end this post and turn it over to you. From the emails and tweets I’ve received tonight, I know there are some very mixed feelings about “Extraordinary Merry Christmas.” Share your thoughts below, but keep it a clean, fair fight. I’m a member of the Dalton Academy fight club, so you don’t want me to have to get in there and break it up. (Shit. I wasn’t supposed to talk about that.)