American Idol Celebrates Suckiness

So I watched the season premiere of American Idol last night. I’m not a huge fan of the early eps of each season. Believe it or not, I actually like when they focus on the people that CAN sing. It’s all I can do not to turn the channel when the crazy people are auditioning. It’s SO uncomfortable to watch, and I feel bad for them. Not all of them. But those who really think they can sing.

I remember a few seasons back reading an article written by someone who went through the audition process. This person was horrible, and was fully aware of his lack of talent, but was determined to see just how far he could get. He came up with some shtick to get noticed by the preliminary judges. And much to his surprise, despite his suckitude, he made it all the way to see Paula, Randy & Simon. But before making it to the Power of Three, he auditioned in front of at least 3 different sets of preliminary judges. Each panel encouraged his talent, and told him to be more memorable. This ultimately set him up for him humiliation on national TV. But at least this guy was in on it. He knew he was bad and how he was being manipulated. But others don’t, and those are the people I feel for.

The freaks that come in costumes and those who bring the bizarre, well they deserve the humiliation, and to be honest, that’s probably why they auditioned in the first place. But for the innocent victims, those who are told time and time again that they have what it takes to be the next American Idol…well my heart goes out to them.

Other random thoughts about last night…
I loved how Seacrest tried to imply that auditioning for Idol was akin to other rights of passage such as the prom and graduating high school. Um, you are a talent show on Fox, get over yourselves!

I had nightmares about the TANtastic chic who auditioned near the end of the show. The one whose mother was even more slutty and scary than she was. Remember her? Yeah, I think if Paris Hilton were broke, she’d be that girl.

Simon wants so badly for a crooner to win this competition. Redheaded John a few years back, and the 17 year old Frank Sinatra impersonator from last night. Paula & Randy had a point. Simon is just going to cut him for his lack of range and originality once they get to Hollywood.

Do twins have to audition together? Is it the American Idol law? There always seems to be some criticism with twins. Usually about whether or not they can succeed on their own. Just strange that twins always seems to audition together.

Why are we subjected to hours of BAD auditions, but yet we aren’t shown the people that actually made it? My bleeding ears need a break every once in a while.

Anyone else feel creepy when (a) hot guys enter the room and the camera zooms in on Paula, or (b) when any guy – hot or not – sings to Paula? Do I have to remind you of the Cold Hearted Snake that was Corey Clark? Straight Up Paula…Rush, Rush to avoid the male contestants like the plague!!! (ok, i’m done now Paula, I don’t want to you to be mad. I just want to be Forever Your Girl).

I personally can’t wait for the episode when they show the Boston auditions. I can’t help but wonder if someone I know secretly tried out. Oh wait, my friends are probably too old to even audition.

OK, I’m done. I’ve created an American Idol thread in the forums to spare you from anymore of my nonsensical rants.

For an AWESOME recap of last night’s episode, head over to the best new American Idol site, Idol Chatter.