How I Met Your Mother Recap: World’s Greatest Couple

Man oh man – I’m falling behind with this little blog of mine. Jim Mosby was kind enough to recap How I Met Your Mother yesterday and here I am posting it a day later. Sorry all. If you missed this week’s ep then I’m sorry, because it was pretty damn funny. Check out Jim’s great recap.

Title: World’s Greatest Couple
Original airdate: October 16, 2006

The tale of two imaginary relationships. Marshall and another dude. Lily and…Barney? Who could imagine. That my friends is this week’s episode of How I Met Your Mother in a nutshell.

Ted and Robin dropped in on Lily’s new apartment with a fruit basket in hand. Ugh. Can you even call it an apartment when the toilet and bathtub are as close to the kitchen sink as her bed? And the same room no less?

Ted: Is that a toilet in your kitchen?
Robin: Or a stove in your bathroom?
Lily: (As she is pointing to the hideous contraption) Oh, that’s just not a stove, that’s a stoveincorator. A combination of a stove, an oven, sink, and refrigerator. Stoveinkorator. Isn’t that futuristic?
Ted: God, I hope not.

And things get worse when Ted pulls Lily’s bed down from it’s folded up position on the wall. The bed is bigger than the room. It doesn’t even sit flat on the floor because of the corner catching on her closet. Lily goes to open the fruit basket and they realize that some raccoon had already eaten part of it. Poor Lily. What a dump.

In Lily’s desperation, she fled her tenement apartment to Barney’s place in hopes of using his extra bedroom. For the first time, we get a glimpse into Barney’s bachelor pad. He’s bluetoothed up, talking some bit of business and looking like he’s ready to relax and then he sees Lily on his couch in his darkened living room.

Barney: Hello Lily. You’ve somehow managed to circumvent my security. How did you do it?
Lily: Ted gave me your spare key.
Barney: Spare Key. Brilliant.

Barney tells her no and starts to show her around. “You are in the heart of bachelor country, and you are an illegal immigrant. You can try to apply for a sex visa, but that only lasts 12 hours. Fourteen if you qualify for multiple entries.”

Enter Marshall, once again lamenting the single life, he has an extra Alanis Morisette concert ticket and nobody to go with him, and he misses going to brunch. And everyone knows, you can’t do brunch alone.  But his woes wont’ last for long. We soon find out that he went to the concert after all with a friend from law school. Brad. A guy? Wow, Marshall really is suffering in singledom. Cut to Marshall and Brad heading into McClaren’s after the concert.

Brad: Bro, Alanis Morisette rocks!
Marshall: Totally! I can’t believe I almost didn’t come tonight.

Poor Brad has also been recently dumped by his long time girlfriend. Much to the dismay of Marshall’s friends, the guys decide to go to brunch together.

Marshall: Why can’t two guys who are friends go to brunch?
Ted: Because brunch is kind of…
Robin: Girly.
Marshall: Breakfast isn’t girly. Lunch isn’t girly. What makes brunch girly?
Ted: I don’t know. There is nothing girly about a horse or a horn. Put them together and you have a unicorn.
Marshall: I don’t care what either of you say, I am going to the popover pantry with Brad. We’re here, we’re hungry. Get used to it brunch!

Fast forward to the next morning, Lily is cooking Barney breakfast. Barney throws it out, food, coffee, everything scolding her along the way saying that buying groceries is changing things. His apartment is not anywhere he wants to be inviting for women to stay. Then he offers her a tour pointing out that the bedroom is laid out clearly showing that only one person is welcome, the same goes for the bathroom, one towel, one toothbrush, and let’s not forget the automatic toilet seat that will not stay down. (Patent Pending)

But wait, the tour gets better. Come on, would we expect any less from Barney than a giant catalogued wall ‘o porn? Naaa.

Barney: While guys like Ted and Marshall may hide their porn…
Lily: Marshall doesn’t have porn.
Barney: Aww, that’s sweet. While guys like Ted and Marshall may hide their porn, I had mine professionally lit. Girls see this, they can’t get out of here fast enough.
Lily: And if that doesn’t drive them away, there is always your life-size storm trooper.
Barney: Naa, that’s just awesome. So you see, when a girl wakes up here, I don’t have to tell her to go build her nest somewhere else, my apartment does it for me.

And in the other HIMYM universe, we see Marshall’s relationship with Brad continuing to blossom. Things are starting to look bad. Over brunch Brad invites Marshall to see “Mama Mia” with him.

Brad: We’re going to rock Broadway bro style!
Marshall: Yea! (Sick worried look begins his face)

The inevitable happens as Barney has his first one night stand with Lily living there. I hate to borrow from Vince Vaughn, but, we have a stage five clinger alert here. This girl is not leaving. Every one of the defense mechanisms Barney showed Lily on the tour failed.

Hook up #1: I love you. Did I just say that? Cat’s out of the bag. I love you.
Barney freaking out as he backs into the kitchen
Lily: (Miraculously walks through the front door). Barney…woah.
Hook up #1: Oh my god, are you married? Is this your wife?
Barney: What? No. Yes!
Hook up #1: Yes?
Barney: (Acting ashamed) Yes.
Hook up #1: You son of a bitch! I can’t believe I let you enter my sacred temple. (As she storms out with Barney making a few weak comments)
Barney: (To Lily) You are not going anywhere!

Lily and Barney figure out that they are the perfect team and they agree that she can extend her stay so long as she acts like Barney’s wife so that she can scare away “the occasional one night stand.”

Lily: You clearly have some serious mother issues that left you the emotional equivalent of a scavenging sewer rat. But in my other apartment I would be living with an actual scavenging sewer rat. You win.
Barney: I’ll take it

In other couples news, Robin and Ted are really razzing Marshall now about going to see “Mama Mia” saying it should be an exciting third date, and, as according to Robin, we know what that means. The interrogation and razzing continues as it comes out that Brad has is planned where they are eating and Marshall knows what he’s wearing. Sounds like a date to me.
As funny as Marshall’s secret man crush is, Lily and Barney were stealing the show with their faux-couplehood. Barney is sitting at the breakfast table with another hook up and on cue, Lily storms in to send this hook up packing.

Barney: Can you pass the arts and leisure? (said twice as “arts and leisure” seems to be the new password)
Lily: Honey, I’m…Barney what the hell is going on?
Barney: Lily, I can explain.
Lily: How could you? In our own home? (Slaps Barney) You Bastard!!!
Girl: I’m so sorry, I didn’t know.
Lily: Get out!
———————–
Barney: Bravo. That was incredible and that slap was genius, you did not hold back.
Lily: Yea, that, I’ve just always wanted to do.

And with that, Lily has won Barney’s heart. He lets her start decorating it as she sees fit.

Brad paid for Marshall’s dinner and Marshall is now freaking. It got weird, it was like a date. And then it gets worse, Brad wants Marshall to go to a wedding with him in Vermont. They will be staying in the Walt Whitman suite in a bed and breakfast. How great of a date is that? Poor Marshall, he’s become like a nicotine patch for Brad’s girlfriend addiction. And it’s time to break it off.

Lily finished up redecorating Barney’s apartment and it looks great. It actually looks like a woman could live there now. The bed has Italian sheets, the couch has pillows, the apartment has some real plants and the floors have real rugs.

Barney is heading out to the bars on that particular Friday night and Lily planned on staying in and watching Letterman. Barney turns on the TV in his bedroom and decides to stay for the monologue with Lily. It’s another HUGE TV in the wall.

Lily: Seriously, what do you do for a living?
Barney: Haha. Please.

And, as the sun came up over Manhattan that next morning Marshall finds out that Brad has reunited with his girlfriend (after a slight scare when he saw Brad with flowers). Though relieved that it’s over, poor Marshall seems slightly hurt. He’s been displaced and alone again while Brad has his girlfriend back.

And over at Barney and Lily’s place – screams erupt. From where? Barney’s bed. Lily and Barney just woke up. In bed. Together.

Barney: I can’t believe we just…you and I?
Lily: (looks under the sheets and sees she’s still wearing pants) Nothing happened, we just went to sleep.
Barney: Just went to sleep? I don’t just sleep in a bed with another woman and not make a move. You, you spooned me against my will.
Lily: It takes two to cuddle.
Barney: (Hopping out of bed, looking fairly shaken and repulsed…and by the way, man, NPH is just ripped) We, we redecorated my place. We stayed in on a Friday night to watch Letterman. And then slept together and didn’t have sex. Oh my god, we’re in a relationship.
Lily: That’s what you think a relationship is?
Barney: You were supposed to be the vaccine and you gave me the disease. You have got to go.
Lily: Barney. (as he cowers in the corner trying to get away from Lily like she is diseased) I don’t think you are mad at me, you are mad at yourself. You let down your guard and let someone into your life. And it actually felt okay. That terrifies you.
Barney: Uh huh, you’ve gotta go.

Future Ted: And so, after two weeks of marriage, Mr. & Mrs. Stinson called it quits.

And Lily got to take all of the new decorations and things from Barney’s apartment back to her slum. And that is how Lily’s new apartment got decorated.