GLEE Recap: ‘Night of Neglect’

On Glee’s long-awaited return-from-hiatus episode (okay it wasn’t that long, but any hiatus is a long hiatus to me), we have the reappearance of a handful of characters, including McKinley substitute teacher (and Will Schuester’s substitute-Emma) Holly Holliday, Sunshine “sent-to-a-crackhouse-by-Rachel-Berry” Corazon, and the Legion (or League?) of Doom, which consists of glee club instructor-turned-weed dealer-turned-predatory gay Sandy Ryerson, Terri “Fake-Preggers” Schuester, and Sergeant Sexypants Vocal Adrenaline coach Dustin Goolsby. Did you catch all that?

The glee club decides to throw a benefit concert to raise money for the academic club (what? You mean there’s more to these kids’ lives than glee and football?) in addition to funding their trip to nationals. Sunshine Corazon wants to help — her first name is “Sunshine” and her last name means “Heart,” how could her intentions be bad? Ms. Berry thinks she’s a spy — funny how when the enemy doesn’t come in the form of a cute boy with comprehensive knowledge of the Lionel Richie catalog, Rachel is better at sniffing them out. Sunshine whips out the Twitter card, and says she can fill 600 seats with her followers if they let her sing. Ah, the power of Twitter followers. That’s good enough reason for Puck, who practically demanded she be allowed to sing, and whose face was painted with lustful admiration the minute Sunshine opened her mouth and let out the first notes of “All By Myself.” What, you mean you didn’t notice his face? Think I’m crazy? Rewind your DVRs, it’s unmistakable. I would totally dig a Puck/Sunshine story line. We could call them “Punshine.” Or “Suckerman.” You heard it here first.

As always, Sue is on a mission to destroy the glee club, so she enlists the help of three people — who supposedly hate Will Schuester as much as she does — to sabotage the concert. Goolsby makes a good point when he brings up the fact that he coaches the winningest glee club in the history of forever, so why should he be partaking in such shenanigans? Perhaps for no other reason than to give us viewers the delight of watching him, spread-eagled, offering himself (and his abundant sperm) to Holly Holliday (more specifically, to her aging ovaries). In his own words, he is handsome, easy on the eyes, and gorgeous, among other things. Why haven’t we been blessed with the presence of this beautiful, arrogant specimen more throughout this season? I hope this will change in the near future. One thing I hope doesn’t change is the location of that bluetooth headset of his. I hope it remains nestled comfortably in his left ear if ever and whenever we see him again.

In other news of the fine-specimen-of-manly-beauty variety, Carl left Emma. Sad face. In swoops Will, who is always down for some vulnerable-woman loving, to offer his friendship and polish her grapes (no innuendo intended…he literally polished her grapes). Of course Holly saw this innocent gesture through a window in the distance, and concludes that he still loves her. She is a shrewd one, that Ms. Holliday.

Mercedes, with Lauren Zises’ help, realizes that her enormous talent entitles her to be a diva and demand puppies be delivered to her so she can dry her hands on them after washing them. Remember in the pilot when she famously demanded “I am Beyonce, I ain’t no Kelly Rowland”? Well, Ms. Jones has been Kelly Rowland-ing it to Rachel’s Beyonce ever since, and she has had it up to here. However, by the end of the episode, Rachel agrees (not like we haven’t seen this story line before — first season’s Sectionals with “I Am Telling You;” the “Take Me Or Leave Me” diva-off), graciously reassuring Mercedes of her phenomenal talent, and stepping down from her resident-superstar role to allow Mercedes to shine in the closing number. Rachel is ambitious but still has heart. Why does everyone hate her again?

What did the rest of the glee club do during this concert? Tina continued her streak as a useless filler character without a noteworthy musical performance, as she is booed off the stage midway through an obscure song. Mike continues his streak of dancing (beautifully, I might add) and not singing — even though this is show CHOIR. Artie continues to be in the background as he has all season. Sam is reduced to announcer, announcing each performer before they come on stage. Quinn hands out candy and tells people to vote for her for prom queen. Finn was there as moral support when things went awry: “What’s that saying? The show’s gotta go all over the place!” Kurt and Blaine made obligatory appearances as audience members. (Well, at least we got to see them). Santana was busy warning Karofsky about the razor blades she stores in her hair. I have no idea where Puck and Brittany were. So most of them didn’t even perform tonight — not even Rachel. “Night Of Neglect” indeed.

Luckily (or not), we did get to see Holly sing, looking like she desperately needs a sandwich and/or a fraction of Adele’s talent to successfully get through that number. But she makes it to the end alive. Then breaks up with Will. Blaming it on his love for Emma, but not neglecting to remind us all of her inability to commit. For a “rolling stone,” she seems to have stuck around for quite a while. Overstayed her welcome, you might say. In fact, I might have said that the last time she made an appearance. But she appears to finally be moving on. Thank goodness. Now let’s bring back Carl and prolong this Wemma reunion some more.

During the whole episode I could not stop thinking about how useless it was that they had Terri come back without having her do anything. But by the looks of it she will be doing some damage next week. I hope it’s a disaster. And not the kind where you get to sing at a benefit. (Stole that one from 30 Rock’s Jenna Marone.)

Best lines:

• “Let’s cut to the sexy chase.” – Dustin Goolsby
• “Oh I love salt water.” – Brittany

Best song:

• “All By Myself” – Charice
• “Ain’t No Way” – Mercedes

(Okay well those were the only two songs that were even remotely good.)

What did you think of tonight’s episode?