THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW JERSEY Season Finale

Tonight’s explosive and drama-filled finale kicks off with a tour of the Teresa’s new palace. There is a wine making room with a certain odor. Dead bodies, perhaps? I was hoping they would give an estimate as to how much that house costs. Because I definitely think people were harmed or killed to obtain money for that mansion. After the tour, Teresa mentions to Dina that she is planning a dinner party. She extends an invite to Danielle as well. Her reasoning: “Do I want to be friends with her? No, but I’m not a rude person.”

Jacqueline’s parents roll into town from Vegas in a massive RV. They seem pretty grounded and offer J some advice on how to deal with Ashley. In the end J and her husband cave, and present Ashley with a brand new car. First thing she wants to do? Drive it, right? Nope, go update her Facebook status that she got a new car.

Dina & Lexi say goodbye to Lexi’s childhood by throwing out approximately 200 stuffed animals and a drawer full of last season’s Halloween candy. And Dina says goodbye to her career so she can retire and become “just a housewife.” Judging from the classy t-word she uses instead of bubbies in front of Lexi, it’s looking like a promising lifestyle change!

And finally the dinner party. All families are present except for Dina & Caroline’s husbands.

Pre-dinner conversation revolves around Teresa’s new bubbies. Danielle arrives after everyone is sitting down. Neither team gives each other the warmest of receptions. But the dinner still seems to start off pretty safe. Appetizers are raw oysters accompanied by the standard raw oyster jokes.

Then Danielle throws down the gauntlet. She places a copy of “Cop Without a Badge” on the table, strategically “pointed at a 45 degree angle at Dina.” She is there with a clear mission: defend what is true in the book and accuse Dina of showing the book to other Franklin Lakes residents.

The ladies pull it together to kick the kids out and then the battle resumes.

Caroline, taking a cue from her German Shepherd guard dog steps in and fesses up that she was the one who showed the book in the local hair salon. Danielle (and me) still thinks it was Dina. Jacqueline admits that it was Dina who showed the book.

And in the middle of all the chaos it happens. The REAL Jersey girl steps up. Dina pushes Teresa a little too much, and Teresa turns into a possessed woman. She curses, yells and flips the table. Joe has to remove her from the situation and restrain her.

In the end, Jacqueline’s husband Chris shuts them all up and points out the ridiculous of it all. No wonder he hasn’t been allowed to say much else this season. He’s logical and sensible. No room for that in this series.

Here are the quick updates Bravo provides at the end. This is what the woman have been up to since taping has ended.

• Dina – housewife
• Danielle – looking for a soul mate
• Teresa – prego
• Jacqueline – prego
• Caroline – nothing (just like the rest of the season)

I’d be surprised if Bravo goes back for more New Jersey. They were able to make their point in one season.

THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW JERSEY Recap: Casinos & C-Cups

This week Team Sane ditched the Franklin Lakes drama and had a girls-only weekend in Atlantic City. Caroline, Dina and Teresa stayed at the Water Club Hotel and shopped, lounged around by the pool and dined out. Seemed like a nice relaxing trip, which unfortunately doesn’t make for exciting television. The only notable happening was a phone call from Steve (Danielle’s tadpole) requesting permission to use Teresa’s shore house accompanied by another woman.

Team Insane (membership 1) stuck around Franklin Lakes and celebrated her birthday by throwing herself a pity party. Danielle whines about not having someone special to celebrate with, the growing distance between herself and Jacqueline and her desire to break-up with Steve…waaah.

Ultimately Danielle does end things with Steve later in the episode. She cries. He smiles. Afterwards she informs her daughters of Steve’s intentions to keep contact with them. But the girls are wise beyond their years and aren’t buying it. The eldest one points out that men only date her mom for her “goodies.” Observant girl that Christina.

As for Jacqueline, she is slowly gravitating towards Team Sane. Cutting back on communication with Danielle, refusing to talk about certain topics with Danielle and openly admitting that her family does not want her to have anything to do with Danielle. All signs that it’s not long before she chooses a side (and quits this neutral act).

Teresa goes in for her consultation to get her new bubbies. That poor doctor! Man alive, even I was embarrassed for him: 4 Jersey housewives and a camera crew. He actually stumbled on a couple words there. In the end, Teresa goes through with it and goes from a “minus A” to a “C-Cup.” I actually kinda like her husband Joe. He smiles a lot and comes across as a softie (even though he probably isn’t).

Bravo entitled this episode “Casinos & C-Cups.” I think “Goodies & Bubbies” is way better. Don’t go getting all classy on us Bravo, I saw what is in store for next week!

THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NJ Recap: Black, White & Read All Over

The battle lines are being drawn and the ladies are picking teams. In one corner we have Danielle and Jacqueline and in the other corner we have Dina, Caroline and recent addition – Teresa.

Teresa started to make the switch to the other team after Danielle insulted her husband Joe at a dancing lesson. She was officially swayed when the Manzo sisters (Dina and Caroline) shared their discovery of Danielle’s criminal history. Chronicled in the book “Cop without a Badge,” Danielle was charged with extortion, kidnapping and drug possession. I checked a major online book retailer and found you can purchase a copy…for $189! No wonder sensible Caroline checked it out of the library.

This leads Danielle on a scramble to gain allies. She claims she was “arrested for being a victim of circumstance” and was in the “wrong place, wrong time,” twenty-four years ago. First cohorts she stakes her claim on are her daughters (easy targets). Next she moves on to Jacqueline (until the Manzo clan can threaten her) and lastly her friend, Tommy (who is probably in it for his 15 minutes of fame). Not the strongest team.

Teresa moves into her new massive “French Chateau.” Her husband shells out a wad of cash to cover the cost of the furniture. This is not the first time this season this family has covered a large expense in hundred dollar bills. Too bad all the cash in the world can’t cover the fashion blunder Teresa made this week with that Kangol hat.

Other minor events included…the kids (again). Dina’s daughter Lexi travels to Cyprus for two weeks. Teresa’s little diva Gia gets work on Gossip Girl. And Jacqueline and her husband get positive results from her fertility doctor. She’s not pregnant (yet) but her chromosome and genetic tests came back fine.

At one point, Dina suggests a boxing match to settle the dispute. She lectures Jacqueline to “Stay true to what you feel about each person who enters your life, keep them close and understand who your enemies are.” Put on the gloves, because them sounds like fighting words to me.

Always drama with the housewives.  The comments are open to discuss this latest round of craziness.

THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NJ Recap: “Not One of Us”

This was a Real Housewives’ first. More than half of this week’s episode was focused on the kids. A couple more weeks like this and the NJ season might qualify as a let down. It doesn’t mean good things for my recaps either. How am I going to cultivate solid one-sided relationships with the housewives and analyze their every move if their kids are taking up precious airtime?

I’m only including the paragraph below in the hopes that the kid issues eventually evolve into added drama for the housewives.

Jacqueline’s daughter Ashley failed two classes in school, was placed on academic probation and must attend summer school. Ashley has a tough time dealing with the situation so her step-dad purchases her a brand new SUV to help her feel better. Teresa’s aspiring actress/model daughter Gia had a professional photo shoot after an NYC modeling agency told her the first set of photos were too pageant style. Caroline’s daughter Lauren checks out beauty school. And Dina ponders her career choices and wonders if she is spending enough time with her daughter Lexi.

Thank God for Danielle. She is all over the place. She hosts a spa party, complete with an oral/maxillofacial surgeon who administers botox shots and lip injections. Caroline the voice of reason (who I predict brings zero drama to this season) calls the whole thing “crazy times ten. “ Dina also throws a jab in at Danielle saying she would like the one to be sticking a needle into Danielle. This comment puts Dina back on Danielle’s bad side and reignites the fight between the two.

Later on, Danielle crashes Jacqueline and Teresa’s play date to complain about her situation with Steve, her much younger boyfriend. She appears to be upset that things are not working out in her relationship and doesn’t want to continue her involvement with Steve, as he is too young and not financially stable yet. Luckily, Teresa’s husband is a friend of Steve so she is able to get the other side of the story. Turns out, Steve is only in it for the physical aspect. No shock there.

After Danielle leaves, Teresa and Jacqueline share some other rumors they have heard about Danielle. If so, Danielle could potentially be dating five guys, is a husband stealer and a stripper. For the well being of this season, I hope they are ALL true. Otherwise the only other reason to watch is to see if Gia gets another modeling or acting gig. Yawn.

Are you watching? Are these housewives holding up against the diva housewives of the past?

THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NJ Recap

Missed last night’s episode of THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NJ? Don’t fret, Amy is here with a quick recap!

I desperately want to call it and say Danielle is going to take the crazy title this season, but that table-flipping scene with Teresa shown in the season preview is holding me back. For now.

This week in Franklin Lakes, Jacqueline throws a birthday party for her son CJ with all the housewives in attendance. Danielle takes this opportunity to reconcile with Dina but instead being sincere, she comes across as fake and a tad obsessive. She goes as far to ask Dina if she can “borrow the boobs” since they are “friends now.” Danielle’s true motive in reaching out to Dina is to strengthen her alliance with Jacqueline (Dina’s sister-in-law) since it doesn’t appear she has too many other friends. Unless you count Steve, the date she tries to get with in a restaurant bathroom.

Teresa’s eldest daughter Gia gets a call to audition in a movie with The Rock. In preparation, she meets with an acting coach. Gia seemed to put in an honest effort when rehearsing and may even have a hint of talent. She wasn’t phased at all the camera crew was filming her during practice. We also get to see the progress on Teresa’s dream home set to be finished in 3 weeks. Judging from the construction, it looks to be more like 3 months.

Jacqueline makes a visit to her fertility doctor. She has suffered four miscarriages in a row. She gets teary eyed and choked up at several points when discussing her inability to conceive.  [SPOILER ALERT!: I did read that she is pregnant now and due this summer]

Dina hires an assistant to help her with her charity and personal work. She created the Ladybug Foundation, which raises money for terminally ill children. The episode ends with her coordinating a fund raising event at the Brownstone (the family event hosting facility). She goes into psycho event planner mode and in her rage of bossiness, she sets a few of the ladies off, including Jacqueline and Teresa the two woman who don’t hold down jobs and can’t take direction.

So no table flipping this week but at least we’re one episode closer!

Are you loving the housewives yet? Any early favorites in the crazy department?