The Complete Idiot’s Guide to “24”

My name is GMMR, and I’ve never seen 24. There I said it. And before you start with the “and you call yourself a TV addict” emails, let me explain. When season one first rolled around, I wasn’t inclined to watch it. See just two months before the premiere of 24 I got hooked on Alias, and to be honest, I figured that one spy drama obsession was enough.

Of course Season One of 24 was a huge hit, so I was on-board for season 2. But as it turned out 24 was up against another of my favorite shows and I had to make a choice (this was the dark days before TiVo…a time which I like to forget). Anyway, having missed Seasons 1 & 2, I figured that it was just too late to pick up the show, so I never watched.

Sound familiar? Well if so I have a treat for you. GMMR’s own LaLa will be giving us 24 newbies a little 24 101…I’m calling it The Complete Idiot’s Guide to “24“. Between now and Sunday, LaLa is going to give us a crash course on who’s who in the word of 24, and a brief synopsis of what went down the previous 5 seasons. This way, we can feel caught up enough to watch 24 when the 6th season premieres this Sunday on Fox.

So, I’m going to turn it over to Professor LaLa….

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Greetings GiveMeMyRemote readers! LaLa here. You may know me from my House recaps, but starting this weekend, I’ll be pulling double duty. Our awesome and fearless leader here at GMMR has agreed to let me to write recaps for 24 as well, which premieres this Sunday, January 14th, at 8/7 Central on Fox (2 hour premiere, followed by part two of the premiere on Monday from 8-10pm ET)

Before I start writing the recaps, though, I thought it might be helpful for you to know who the major characters are, and what the heck happened in the previous seasons, so that any newbies wishing to watch the show for the first time won’t feel completely lost. And even long-time fans of the show like myself can take a refresher course on the past 5 seasons to see how far Jack Bauer has come, all the amazing ways that he managed to save the world, and how incredible it is that Jack is even still alive! I’m telling you… Superman’s got nothing on Jack!

Lesson One: Who ARE you people?
Here’s brief rundown of the major characters (well, the ones that are still alive, anyway!) that are slated to appear sometime this season. (GMMR note: ..and I thought “Lost” killed out a lot of people):

CTU (Counter Terrorists Unit): As its name suggests, CTU’s primary mission is to disrupt and destroy foreign and domestic terror cells hostile to the United States, as well as protect the U.S. from terror attacks. It also has a role in creating security policy and fighting organized crime groups that fund terrorism. CTU employs agents in many different roles. For example, there are field agents and SWAT Tactical Team agents (generally drawn from the ranks of the military or police) who perform field work, arrests, tactical assaults and body guarding witnesses and suspects that need to be protected. These report to the Director of Field Operations for each office. Computer analysts also form another component of CTU and deal mainly with surveillance and encryption.

JACK BAUER: The ultimate flawed hero, Jack is the kind of dedicated, hard-core badass who will do anything to get the job done, and thus protect the United States and its citizens. Frequently uses torture as a way to get results from very uncooperative witnesses and villains – and believe me, Jack is very effective. Unfortunately, his controversial actions and frequent disobedience to his superiors has landed Jack in a whole heap of trouble over the years, but none so much as when he pissed off the Chinese.

CHLOE O’BRIAN: Jack’s fiercely loyal and invaluable ally since Season 3, Chloe is the senior analyst at CTU, and is an extraordinary computer genius. Whereas Jack is superhuman in the field, Chloe is superhuman in her ability to master all forms of technology. Unfortunately, she also has horrible social skills, and is often moody and very impatient with people – to comic effect. However, of all of Jack’s allies, Chloe has aided him and saved him the most, and for that he is forever indebted to her – as well he should be, especially since he doesn’t always treat her very well. Some speculate that she puts up with his ill behavior because she is secretly in love with him. Though, with the introduction late last season of her ex-husband Morris, Chloe’s romantic life is suddenly getting very interesting. Oh, and they BETTER not kill her off – next to Jack, she is many people’s favorite character on 24.

BILL BUCHANON: The latest Director of CTU, Bill Buchanon started out like every other new head of CTU, and initially blocked and doubted Jack’s actions. Soon, however, he saw the light, and instead became a major, major ally to Jack. If it weren’t for Bill constantly sticking his neck out for Jack for the past two seasons, Jack would have failed many times. Bill is a good man. Here’s hoping he doesn’t get killed.

CURTIS MANNING: The dependable and solid Director of Field Operations at CTU, Curtis has somehow managed to avoid the huge bloodbath of characters (especially field agents) from the last two seasons, and is still alive and kicking. It’s a good thing, too, because Curtis has saved many people’s lives and jobs when it seemed like they were done for, and has specifically saved Jack several major times. Here’s hoping Curtis continues his lucky streak, and doesn’t get killed.

AUDREY RAINES: Jack’s longest surviving lady love, Audrey was initially very whiny, irrational, and irritating, causing many fans to wish for her death. But somehow, she survived Season 4, and when she returned last season, she miraculously stopped nagging Jack, grew a backbone, and actually supported Jack in major ways. And since she wasn’t killed off last year, I’m assuming she’ll be back at some point this year – especially since The Nine got canceled…

AGENT AARON PIERCE: Aside from Jack, lovable Secret Service Agent Aaron Pierce is the only character that has appeared in every single season and has actually survived. This is mostly due to the fact that for many seasons, he was a minor yet pivotal character who only appeared in a few episodes each season. That all changed last season, though, when he stepped up and became a huge collaborator with Jack in helping to bring down evil President Logan. Once again, here’s hoping that Aaron, now a beloved fan favorite, doesn’t get killed this season.

KAREN HAYES: The Director of the U.S. Department of Homeland Security, Karen Hayes was introduced half-way through last season when she was brought in to take control of CTU away from Bill Buchanon after the nerve gas bombing of CTU. Though initially a puppet for evil Logan, Karen eventually figured out the truth about him, and thus joined forces with Jack and Buchanon to bring Logan down. If it weren’t for Karen’s key contributions, Jack would not have succeeded.

EX-PRESIDENT CHARLES LOGAN: The most evil, slimy U.S. President ever, bar none, this sniveling, incompetent traitor is responsible for the assassination of beloved former U.S. President David Palmer and for allowing terrorist to smuggle huge quantities of nerve gas into the U.S., among other things. And of course, he also tried to have Jack killed many times. His reason for doing these dastardly deeds? The pursuit of fame and glory for his presidency. Fortunately, Jack was able to expose Logan for the villain he is at the end of last season, but it came at a huge price for Jack…

MARTHA LOGAN: The bi-polar, emotionally unstable wife of Logan, Martha was initially dismissed as a crazy conspiracy theorist who had no grip on reality unless she was pumped full of meds. However, when Martha’s suspicions that her friend David Palmer was killed because he knew some dangerous information are proven to be correct, she is taken much more seriously – especially by her traitorous husband. Martha eventually teams up with Agent Aaron Pierce to bring down her evil husband, and in the end, it is Martha who finally obtains the crucial evidence that convicts Logan of his crimes.

WAYNE PALMER: Brother of beloved and saintly former President David Palmer, Wayne served as his brother’s Chief of Staff during Season 3, aka the last year of David’s presidency. Wayne is not as morally outstanding as his brother David, as his affair with the wife of a powerful businessman caused David major trouble in season 3, and eventually led to David not seeking a second term. Last season, Wayne witnessed David’s murder by a sniper, and later helped Jack obtain crucial evidence that would bring his brother’s murderer, i.e. Logan, to justice.

LaLa is a writer who currently resides in LaLa Land, aka Los Angeles. LaLa also likes to sing. LaLa also knows some lawyers in a law office. LaLa is also prone to making bad jokes, like this one. And of course, LaLa also loves her some quality television shows with quality actors on them, like House… and The Office… and 24… and, well, pretty much any smartly written show that doesn’t include a fat guy with a hot skinny wife or the words “two and a half men” in the title.